Mia Zhang
Having a lot of friends doesn’t always equate to feeling deeply connected.
Sometimes, having a crowd around you doesn’t guarantee companionship—in a way, you can be surrounded by friends yet feel utterly alone.
Loneliness can creep in even when you’re surrounded by people if those relationships lack depth and meaning.
If you find yourself feeling isolated despite a busy social life, worry not as I’ve identified seven such behaviors.
Saying goodbye to these might just cure your loneliness, despite the sea of friends you have:
1) The mask of superficiality
We’ve all played our part in the game of social pleasantries, haven’t we?
This is the behavior where you keep things light and easy—you avoid deep conversations, fearing that they might lead to conflict or discomfort.
What we don’t realize is that this superficiality can be isolating; it doesn’t allow us to truly connect with others on a deeper level.
When we engage in meaningful conversations, we reveal our authentic selves, and that’s when true friendships are formed.
Remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable—it’s part of being human—and your true friends will appreciate you more for it.
2) The habit of constant comparison
I’ve been guilty of this one, and maybe you have too.
There was a time when I couldn’t help but compare myself to my friends: Their accomplishments became my yardstick of success so if they were doing better, I felt inadequate, and if they were falling behind, I felt superior.
This constant comparison was draining and left me feeling disconnected and lonely—it was then that I realized that instead of appreciating my friends for who they were, I was busy measuring them against myself.
The day I decided to let go of this behavior was the day I truly started enjoying my friendships.
I began to celebrate their successes as if they were my own and offered support during their lows without any sense of superiority.
The result? My friendships became stronger, and the feeling of loneliness began to fade away!
Take it from me: Start appreciating your friends for who they are, not how they stack up against you.
3) Neglecting your own needs
While it’s important to be there for your friends, it’s equally crucial to care for your own needs.
In an article published by the Medium, it explains how often loneliness stems from some combination of need for connection, variety, certainty, contribution, growth and significance towards the people you’re with—if the expectation of your needs isn’t met, then it’s best to take responsibility of your own needs.
Always prioritizing others at the expense of your own wellbeing and for the sake of having company, means that it’s time to reassess.
It’s not selfish to take care of yourself.
Balance is key here: You can still be a good friend while maintaining healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own needs.
Once you start doing this, you’ll notice a significant reduction in feelings of loneliness, even when you’re surrounded by friends.
4) Keeping emotions bottled up
We all have our ups and downs, yet, many of us hesitate to share our emotions, especially the negative ones.
But here’s the thing: Friendships aren’t just about sharing laughs and good times as they are also about lending a shoulder to cry on and being a pillar of support during tough times.
Take that invisible wall, between you and your friends, down and start by opening up about your feelings.
Of course, it might be uncomfortable at first, but your friends will likely appreciate your honesty.
After all, a problem shared is a problem halved.
5) Expecting perfection
Once, I had a friend who was always full of life, always ready to help, and always there when you needed them.
Over time, I started expecting this behavior from them all the time.
The day they didn’t meet these expectations, I felt let down—it bred resentment and an unnecessary rift in our friendship.
It was only when I acknowledged that they, like everyone else, could have off days, that our friendship took a turn for the better.
The lesson here is not to expect perfection from your friends—they are human and will make mistakes.
Embrace their imperfections because it’s the imperfections that make us uniquely human and allow us to form deeper connections.
6) Not taking the initiative
Friendships are a two-way street, and they require effort from both sides.
If you’re feeling lonely, it might be because you’re always waiting for your friends to reach out to you—but they might be thinking the same thing, too.
Don’t hesitate to take the initiative; try organizing a get-together, starting a conversation, or simply checking-in on them.
Taking the first step can often break the ice and make your friends feel valued and, chances are, they’ll start reciprocating, making you feel less lonely and more connected.
7) Forgetting to appreciate
At the end of the day, the most important aspect of any relationship is appreciation.
We often take our friends for granted, forgetting to acknowledge their presence in our lives.
This lack of appreciation can create a sense of disconnect, leading to feelings of loneliness.
Start expressing your gratitude: A simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way in strengthening your friendships.
When your friends feel appreciated, they’re more likely to reciprocate those feelings, creating a stronger bond and eliminating feelings of loneliness.
Final thoughts: It’s all about connection
Human beings are inherently social creatures—we thrive on connection, and our relationships significantly impact our well-being.
Yet, it’s essential to understand that the number of friends we have doesn’t necessarily equate to the quality of our relationships or our overall happiness.
American psychologist Abraham Maslow, known for creating Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, placed a strong emphasis on the importance of meaningful relationships in achieving self-actualization—the highest level in his hierarchy of human needs.
Maslow’s theory highlights the importance of fostering deep, genuine connections to achieve fulfillment, which means it’s important to prioritize quality over quantity in friendships.
If loneliness lingers despite having many friends, it may be time to reassess your interactions: Are you being authentic, opening up, and showing appreciation for your friends?
Building meaningful connections takes mutual effort and patience, but the rewards are profound—reducing loneliness and enhancing happiness.
Take a moment to reflect on your approach to relationships as small changes could lead to the fulfilling friendships you seek!
