Are you always saying “we” instead of “I”?
Or frequently checking in with your partner before making any decision?
You might be right on track, or you may have landed in the codependency territory without even realizing it.
It’s not uncommon. Many of us unknowingly fall into these patterns in our relationships.
You may think it’s all part of being in love, being a ‘good’ partner, or simply caring too much. But sometimes, it can be a red flag for codependency.
Don’t worry. It can be hard to recognize the signs, they’re often quite subtle.
Today, we’re going to take a closer look at some common phrases that could indicate you’re more codependent than you think.
This might be a little uncomfortable to read.
But remember, this isn’t to scare you or make you feel bad about your relationship. It’s just to shed some light on an often overlooked issue.
Let’s see if any of these phrases sound familiar to you…
1) “We should do this”
When I first started dating my partner, I noticed that I would repeatedly say “we should do this” or “we should go there”. At the time, it seemed like a nice way to include my partner in my plans.
But over time, I realized that by saying “we” instead of “I”, I was losing my individuality.
Instead of expressing what I wanted to do, I was always considering what we, as a couple, should be doing. I began to lose sight of my own preferences and desires, and everything became about us. It was a subtle shift that I didn’t notice until a friend pointed it out.
2) “Let me check with my partner first”
Codependent partners may also often say “Let me check with my partner first”.
Whether it’s making plans with friends or deciding what to have for dinner, there is a need to constantly check with your partner before making any decision.
At first, it may seem like a respectful thing to do. After all, it’s important to consider your partner’s feelings and opinions.
But when this phrase starts popping up in every conversation and for every decision, big or small, it could be a sign of codependency.
Then it just isn’t about respect anymore: it becomes an unhealthy reliance on your partner for validation and approval.
3) “We’re just the same, you and I”
“We’re just the same, you and I” may sound romantic, like two soul mates who understand each other perfectly. However, in reality, no two people are completely alike, and that’s perfectly okay.
When you start seeing your partner as an extension of yourself and believe that you both think, feel, and act in the exact same way, it could be a sign of codependency.
This kind of thinking can lead to a loss of personal identity and create unrealistic expectations from your partner to always agree with you or act in a certain way.
4) “I don’t know what I’d do without you”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you” is a phrase that many of us have said to our loved ones. It captures the depth of our feelings and the importance of the person in our lives.
But when this phrase becomes a constant refrain, it could signify an unhealthy level of dependency.
Sure, it’s natural to feel lost at the thought of losing someone close to us. But the beauty of human resilience lies in our ability to adapt, grow, and find happiness even in the most challenging circumstances.
Just a quick tip: If you’re finding it hard to imagine a life without your partner, it might be time to take a step back and reassess. Love should be a source of strength and independence, not a crutch that leaves us feeling helpless without it.
5) “You make me feel complete”
In the past, I’ve been guilty of saying things like “you make me feel complete” to my partner.
It sounded romantic, almost like we were starring in a Hollywood movie. But what I didn’t realize was that by saying this, I was implying that without my partner, I was somehow incomplete.
Over time, I saw that this wasn’t a healthy mindset. It’s important to feel complete on your own, rather than relying on someone else to fill in your perceived gaps.
No one else can truly complete us. We have to find our own wholeness. And it was a hard truth to accept, but an important one.
Now, instead of looking for someone to make me feel complete, I focus on being a whole person on my own and sharing my life with my partner rather than relying on them to complete it.
6) “I can’t be happy if you’re not”
It’s natural to want your partner to be happy. Their happiness can bring you joy, and their sadness might bring you down.
But when your emotional state becomes solely dependent on your partner’s feelings, it could indicate codependency.
You see, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. It’s not healthy or fair to place that responsibility on someone else. It puts undue pressure on them and can create a dynamic where you lose sight of your own needs and desires.
7) “I’m nothing without you”
“I’m nothing without you” sounds like it’s straight out of a passionate love song, but in reality, it’s a potential sign of codependency.
Believing that you’re ‘nothing’ without your partner can lead to a loss of self-esteem and personal identity.
You are an individual with unique talents, strengths, and abilities. Your worth is not defined by someone else, but by who you are as a person.
8) “You’re my everything”
Having a partner who is important to you is wonderful, but when they become your ‘everything’, it means other parts of your life may be falling by the wayside.
It’s important to maintain balance in life and have interests, hobbies, friends, and goals outside of your relationship.
9) “I always want to be where you are”
The desire to spend every waking moment with your partner might seem romantic at first glance. However, this can quickly evolve into an unhealthy obsession, indicative of codependency.
Each person in a relationship should have their own space and time to pursue their interests. It’s healthy and normal to do things separately. If you’re constantly yearning to be where your partner is, it might be time to question why that is.
10) “I’d do anything for you”
“I’d do anything for you” can be sweet when it’s about expressing the lengths you’re willing to go for your partner. But when ‘anything’ involves sacrificing your own needs, boundaries, or well-being, then it’s a problem.
In my own life, I’ve realized that while it’s important to be there for my partner, I also need to take care of myself. It’s not selfish—it’s necessary.
Recognizing these phrases and understanding their implications is the first step towards addressing codependency.
If any of this sounds familiar, it might be worthwhile to seek guidance from a professional or start a conversation with your partner about striking a healthier balance in your relationship.
Remember, it’s okay to love someone deeply while also maintaining your individuality and independence.