Feeling insecure in a relationship is often a sign that something needs to change.
Sometimes, it’s not about changing your partner, but changing your own behaviors.
The behaviors that often lead to feelings of insecurity are subtle, and you might not even realize you’re doing them.
But once you identify and say goodbye to these behaviors, you’ll likely start feeling more secure in your relationship.
Here are the nine behaviors you should consider letting go if you’re feeling insecure in your relationship.
Insecurity often breeds in the fertile ground of overthinking.
It’s a common habit among those who feel insecure in their relationships.
You might find yourself dwelling on a single comment made by your partner, dissecting it for hidden meanings, or reliving past arguments in your head.
Overthinking leads to assumptions, misunderstandings, and unnecessary drama.
It can create problems where there are none and magnify small issues into major concerns.
Communication is key in a relationship.
Instead of overthinking, try discussing your concerns with your partner openly and honestly. It’s better to understand their perspective rather than jumping to conclusions.
So first on our list of behaviors to say goodbye to – overthinking.
Make room for open conversations and trust instead.
2) Seeking constant reassurance
This is a behavior I used to struggle with.
I often found myself asking my partner if they loved me or if they found me attractive.
On the surface, it seems harmless, but over time, it started to place a significant burden on our relationship.
I was relying on my partner to provide constant reassurance and validation, which was emotionally draining for both of us.
The turning point came when I realized that my self-worth shouldn’t be dependent on someone else’s opinion of me.
I started focusing on self-love and building my self-esteem, and it truly made a difference in how secure I felt in the relationship.
Remember, your worth is not reliant on someone else’s validation.
3) Avoiding conflict
Contrary to popular belief, conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing in a relationship.
Avoiding conflict may seem like the easy way out, but it can lead to unresolved issues, resentment, and a lack of communication.
It’s important to address issues head-on, even if it means having uncomfortable conversations.
So, it’s time to say goodbye to avoiding conflict.
Learning to argue effectively and constructively can be a game-changer for your relationship.
4) Comparing your relationship
In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your relationship to others.
You see picture-perfect couples on Instagram and start questioning why your relationship doesn’t look the same.
But what you see online is often a curated highlight reel.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and comparing your relationship to others’ can create unrealistic expectations and unnecessary insecurities.
Focus on creating a relationship that brings you happiness and fulfillment, not one that looks good to others.
5) Ignoring your own needs
Insecurity can sometimes lead us to prioritize our partner’s needs and wants over our own.
We may do this in an attempt to make our partner happy or out of fear that asserting our own needs may drive them away.
However, ignoring your own needs can lead to resentment, dissatisfaction, and emotional exhaustion.
A healthy relationship requires balance.
It’s important to take care of your own needs and desires while also considering your partner’s.
Self-care is not selfish – it’s essential for a healthy relationship.
6) Fear of vulnerability
Vulnerability is scary.
It means opening up, showing our true selves – flaws and all.
But vulnerability is also the key to deep, emotional intimacy.
If we’re always guarded, always trying to seem perfect, we create a barrier between ourselves and our partners.
We prevent them from truly knowing us, and this can lead to feelings of insecurity and disconnection.
Saying goodbye to your fear of vulnerability isn’t easy.
It’s a journey that requires courage and self-acceptance.
But trust me, the reward – a deeper, more authentic connection with your partner – is worth the effort.
7) Constantly testing your partner
I used to set up little “tests” for my partner to see if they truly cared about me.
I would intentionally not initiate contact to see if they would, or I would pretend to be upset to see if they noticed.
Looking back, I can see that these tests were not only unfair to my partner, but they were also a reflection of my own insecurities.
They stemmed from a fear of being unlovable or unworthy.
But real love isn’t about passing tests or proving worthiness.
It’s about trust, understanding, and acceptance.
8) Holding onto past hurts
We all have a past.
Maybe you’ve been hurt before, betrayed, or let down.
It’s natural to want to protect yourself from experiencing that pain again.
But when we hold onto past hurts, we’re not protecting ourselves – we’re imprisoning ourselves.
We’re letting past experiences dictate our present behavior and feelings.
Letting go of past hurts doesn’t mean forgetting about them or pretending they didn’t happen.
It means learning from them, forgiving where possible, and moving forward.
It’s time to free yourself and open your heart to the possibilities of the present.
9) Seeking perfection
Perfection, whether in yourself, your partner, or your relationship, is an illusion.
It’s an impossible standard that only leads to stress, disappointment, and insecurity.
Remember, it’s our imperfections that make us human and our differences that make our relationships interesting.
Instead of striving for perfection, strive for growth, understanding, and mutual respect.
Embrace the beautifully imperfect journey of love instead.
It’s about personal growth
The journey to feeling secure in a relationship often involves personal growth and self-awareness.
One of the most enlightening quotes from esteemed psychologist, Carl Rogers, is “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This wisdom holds true when dealing with insecurities in a relationship.
When you recognize and accept your insecurities, you pave the way for change and growth.
Bidding farewell to these nine behaviors isn’t about aiming for relationship perfection, but about becoming more secure in who you are, both as an individual and as a partner.
A relationship is not just about two people being together.
It’s about two people growing together.
So as you reflect on these behaviors and consider which ones resonate with you, remember that each step you take towards overcoming them is a step towards personal growth and a more secure, fulfilling relationship.