If you feel exhausted around someone, they probably have these 9 toxic traits

There’s a huge gap between feeling energized by someone’s company and getting drained by it.

The difference boils down to toxicity. Being around toxic people can often leave you feeling exhausted, even if you can’t pinpoint why.

Chances are, these energy vampires have certain traits that suck the life out of you. And those of us who’ve been there know all too well how identifying these traits can make all the difference.

Here are some tell-tale signs to look out for.

1) They’re always negative

You know the type.

The ones who always see the glass as half empty, those whose default setting is to complain about everything and anything.

This is your first sign of a toxic individual. Their negativity can drain you, leaving you feeling exhausted after every encounter.

Negativity breeds negativity. It’s like a virus that spreads, infecting all those around it. When you’re constantly exposed to this pessimistic outlook, it can start to weigh heavily on you.

Just like a physical burden, carrying around someone else’s negativity can be tiring. You might find yourself feeling mentally fatigued or emotionally drained after spending time with them.

Spotting this trait is the first step in understanding why you might feel so tired around certain people. The next step? Learning how to protect your energy from these toxic individuals.

While it’s crucial to be aware, it’s equally important to approach these situations with empathy and understanding.

2) They’re overly critical

Ever spent time with someone who just can’t seem to say anything positive about you or your work? I have.

I once had a friend who constantly criticized everything I did. Whether it was my choice of clothes, my career path, or even my favorite TV shows – nothing was off-limits.

At first, I brushed it off as constructive criticism, believing she had my best interests at heart. But after a while, it became clear that it was more than just friendly advice.

She was overly critical and never missed an opportunity to point out my flaws. This constant criticism left me second-guessing everything I did and sapped my energy.

When you’re around someone who’s always highlighting your shortcomings, it takes a toll on your self-esteem and leaves you feeling drained.

If you feel exhausted every time you’re around a certain someone, they might just be overly critical.

3) They’re emotionally unavailable

Connecting with others on an emotional level is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. It’s what makes us feel understood, valued, and cared for.

But when you’re dealing with someone who’s emotionally unavailable, establishing this connection becomes an uphill battle.

These individuals often keep their feelings to themselves and struggle to express or understand emotions. According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who are emotionally unavailable can cause stress and anxiety in those around them.

Their inability to connect on an emotional level can leave you feeling lonely and exhausted. You might find yourself working overtime trying to understand their feelings or get them to understand yours, which can be incredibly draining.

This emotional unavailability is another toxic trait to keep an eye out for.

4) They’re constantly demanding

Some people just have a knack for making endless demands. Whether it’s your time, attention, or resources, they always seem to want more.

Their needs are never satiated and they don’t shy away from asking for what they want, often disregarding how it might affect you. This can be physically and emotionally taxing.

It’s like being on a treadmill that never stops. No matter how much you give, it never seems to be enough. This constant demand can leave you feeling depleted and exhausted.

If you find yourself feeling drained after spending time with someone who constantly demands more from you, it’s a good sign they could be carrying this toxic trait.

5) They’re manipulative

Manipulation is a major red flag when it comes to identifying toxic traits.

Manipulative people have a knack for twisting situations to their advantage. They might use guilt, misdirection, or even flattery to get what they want.

These individuals are experts at playing emotional games, and it can be incredibly draining to be on the receiving end of their tactics. It’s as if you’re always on your toes, trying to decipher the true meaning behind their words and actions.

If you feel like you’re constantly being manipulated or guilt-tripped, and it leaves you feeling exhausted, then you’re likely dealing with a person who carries this toxic trait.

6) They lack empathy

Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others – is a key component of healthy, balanced relationships.

But not everyone possesses this trait. Some people lack the ability to put themselves in your shoes, to feel your pain or share in your joy.

When you’re dealing with someone who lacks empathy, it can feel like you’re talking to a brick wall. Your feelings and experiences seem to fall on deaf ears, leaving you feeling misunderstood and alone.

This lack of emotional reciprocity can be heart-wrenching and incredibly exhausting. 

If someone fails to show understanding or compassion towards your feelings, it’s likely they possess this toxic trait.

7) They’re constantly competing

Competition can be healthy, but not when it’s with someone you’re supposed to share a bond with.

I remember a time when I was celebrating a promotion at work. Instead of sharing in my joy, a friend immediately started talking about their own achievements, turning my moment of joy into a competitive match.

This constant need to one-up others, to always be the best, can be draining. It turns every interaction into a contest, leaving no room for genuine connection or shared happiness.

If you find yourself feeling emotionally depleted after interactions with someone who’s always trying to out-do you, it’s likely they carry this toxic trait.

8) They’re always playing the victim

Ever noticed how some people always seem to be the victim in every situation? No matter what happens, they somehow manage to turn it around and make it about themselves.

These individuals refuse to take accountability for their actions and instead, they always blame others for their misfortunes. It’s as if they’re stuck in a loop of self-pity and victimhood.

Being around someone who’s always playing the victim can be mentally draining. You’re constantly trying to navigate their self-created drama, leaving you feeling exhausted.

If your energy levels seem to plummet every time you interact with a constant ‘victim’, you’ve likely identified another toxic trait.

9) They disrespect your boundaries

At the heart of every healthy relationship is respect for personal boundaries.

Boundaries are crucial. They help protect your mental and emotional wellbeing. But toxic individuals often have no respect for these boundaries.

If someone constantly invades your personal space, disregards your feelings, or fails to acknowledge your right to personal time and space, it can feel like a direct assault on your self-esteem.

This disregard for boundaries is not only disrespectful, but it’s also incredibly draining.

If you’re constantly on defense, trying to protect your boundaries, it’s a clear sign that you’re dealing with a person who carries this final and critical toxic trait.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-care

The complexities of human interactions and relationships often boil down to our emotional and mental well-being.

One profound realization is the correlation between exhaustion and exposure to toxic traits.

These traits, subtly hidden in the people around us, can silently drain our energy, leaving us feeling fatigued without a clear reason.

Recognizing these traits is the first step towards reclaiming your energy. It’s about understanding that it’s okay to distance yourself from individuals who drain you.

Remember, self-preservation is not selfish. It’s necessary. It’s about setting boundaries and taking care of your emotional health.

Whether it’s choosing to spend less time with energy-draining individuals, seeking therapeutic support, or immersing yourself in self-care routines, the key lies in prioritizing your well-being over toxicity.

As Audre Lorde rightly said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” This sentiment perfectly captures the essence of dealing with toxic traits.

Your energy is precious. Protect it. Preserve it. Nurture it.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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