If you feel disconnected from your partner say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

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Relationships go through phases. Sometimes, you feel like you and your partner are like one entity, always on the same page and super connected. 

Other times, it can feel like you’re speaking different languages. You aren’t intimate as often. And you feel like you’re dealing with a stranger – not someone you’ve grown to know and love. 

If you’re going through the second situation, don’t panic. It might seem like you’re growing apart, but with a few little adjustments, you can get right back on track. 

So without further ado, if you feel disconnected from your partner, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors: 

1) Letting technology get in the way 

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, the first thing I want you to do is put your mobile phone away when you’re together. 

Turn off the TV. 

Be present in the moment, and actually look your partner in the eyes when you’re talking or listening to them. 

The reason I say this is that in my own relationship, I’ve seen a direct correlation between more screen time, and less real-life connection. 

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but there came a time when I realized my partner had been speaking to me, and I’d had my eyes glued to the TV the entire time. I was giving one-word answers or grunts in response – how disrespectful is that? 

I’m not saying you’re doing it to the extreme as I did, but only good things can come from focusing on each other and not on technology. 

2) Hiding your true feelings 

Now, if you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, it’s important to think about why. 

Have you had a big falling out? Is there an issue you’re afraid to raise with your partner? 

Is one of you feeling neglected

Disconnection, while pretty normal from time to time, usually indicates there’s something under the surface.

It might not even have to do with your relationship; if one of you is under extreme stress at work, or the kids are driving you both mad, this can also have an impact. 

But whatever the reason is, stop holding it in. This is one behavior that will lead to a breakup. 

Be honest, be vulnerable, and work WITH your partner to solve the issue. 

3) Playing petty blame games 

“You didn’t take out the trash so why should I do the washing up?” 

“Don’t you remember last year when you broke the table? Well, now you can’t say anything to me about the broken lamp.” 

Petty blame games are a likely cause of why you’re feeling disconnected from your partner. 

They serve zero purpose and all they’re doing is driving a wedge between you both. 

For one, your partner will start to feel like every mistake they make is going to be held against them for the rest of their lives.

And secondly, they may start to resent you for this. 

If you really want to reconnect and feel that love and closeness once again, you need to prioritize healthy communication. You have to stop seeing your partner as always in the wrong, and instead, see them as your teammate. 

Even when they mess up. 

4) Being overly critical of your partner 

Following on from the previous point, if you constantly nitpick at your partner, there’s no doubt in my mind it’s causing tension.

Even if you haven’t realized it. 

But what happens when you let go of this behavior

Suddenly, your partner starts feeling more secure in the relationship. 

YOU start noticing all the things that once attracted you to them in the first place. 

You start complimenting each other. You start laughing again. Dare I say, you even get intimate…

You see, it’s normal to want to critique your partner. We all do it. I just told my husband the other day his beard is getting unruly. But there are limits. 

We absolutely shouldn’t be tearing our partner’s self-esteem to shreds, because this behavior falls into the category of toxic, even if it’s not your intention to be. 

5) Neglecting physical intimacy 

I mentioned getting intimate earlier, so let me ask you this:

When was the last time you spent a good few hours in the bedroom together? 

When was the last time you held hands or put your arms around each other when walking in public? The last time you snuggled on the sofa and kissed your partner’s forehead? 

Physical touch is incredibly important in maintaining a romantic connection. 

So, if for whatever reason you’ve been putting it off, it’s time to make a change. 

But here’s the thing – I know what it’s like to have different libido levels. Me and my husband are on different ends of the spectrum.

And for a while, I let that get in the way. I pushed intimacy to the back of my mind, but it wasn’t until I felt the distance creep in between us, that I saw how negatively it was affecting our relationship. 

So going back to the point I made earlier; be honest. 

Work with your partner to find the right balance of intimacy that works for you both. Don’t avoid it and hope for the best, as this is guaranteed to end in heartbreak. 

6) Failing to make time for your partner 

Life is busy, and I know how hard it can be to make quality time for your partner.

But it’s essential to do so if you’re feeling disconnected from them.

Now, before you panic – I’m not suggesting you whisk them away to a cottage in the middle of nowhere for a week of intense bonding. 

That might help a little but it’s not going to cure the issue. 

Instead, work in quality time every day or week (or however often your schedules allow). 

On a daily basis, this might look like spending an hour together after dinner, to talk, cuddle, or go for a walk.

On a weekly or monthly basis, this could involve planning a date night out, or one day a week where you spend the day together. No distractions. Just enjoying each other’s company. 

7) Brushing issues under the rug

Another behavior to give up if you want to reconnect with your partner is avoiding the problems in your relationship.

Let’s say your partner interrupts you every time you speak. That’s annoying. But rather than say anything, you brush it under the rug. You don’t want to cause an argument. 

But over time, these issues start to build up. Until they’re too big to confront. 

Is it any wonder you feel disconnected from your partner?

As I touched upon before, you need to be honest. Don’t be afraid to bring up issues that are bothering you. 

Even if it seems like something small, it’s better to get it out in the open. But a word of advice:

Don’t attack your partner. 

That’ll make them defensive and you’ll be back to square one. Frame the issue as a separate entity that you want to work on as a couple, rather than putting all the blame on your partner. 

8) Giving the cold shoulder 

And finally, as you may have noticed there’s a running theme here:

Communication.

If you’re prone to giving the silent treatment whenever you fall out with your partner, you’re making the situation worse.

Don’t get me wrong – some time out to cool off is a good thing. But ignoring your partner for hours or days on end isn’t healthy. 

This is another behavior to leave behind. I know because my husband used to do this to me. 

And it meant that every time we had a tiny falling out, I’d dread his silence. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, which caused me to pull away from him emotionally. 

But since he started therapy, he’s learned to communicate when he’s angry or hurt. We still both take an hour or so to cool down, but then we sit together, discuss the issue, and reach a solution. 

I guarantee if you do the same, you’ll notice a positive change in your relationship. 

Kiran Athar

Kiran is a freelance writer with a degree in multimedia journalism. She enjoys exploring spirituality, psychology, and love in her writing. As she continues blazing ahead on her journey of self-discovery, she hopes to help her readers do the same. She thrives on building a sense of community and bridging the gaps between people. You can reach out to Kiran on Twitter: @KiranAthar1

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