If you expect these 9 things in a relationship, you have unrealistically high standards

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There’s a fine line between having healthy expectations in a relationship and having unrealistic ones.

This differentiation boils down to understanding. Unrealistically high standards are those expectations in a relationship that are too rigid or demanding, often lacking consideration for the other person’s feelings or circumstances.

On the flip side, healthy expectations consider both you and your partner’s needs and wants, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

Navigating these waters can be tricky, yet crucial. Let me tell you, as someone who’s been there, it’s really about finding that sweet spot of balance.

In this article, I’ll be sharing 9 things that if you’re expecting in your relationship, might just mean your standards are unrealistically high. Brace yourself – some of these might hit close to home!

1) Perfection

The first step to understanding if you have unrealistically high standards in a relationship is to examine your expectations of perfection.

Often, we find ourselves looking for that flawless partner, someone who ticks every box on our checklist. We’re talking about the perfect looks, the perfect job, the perfect sense of humor – you get the idea.

But here’s the reality check – there’s no such thing as a perfect person. We all have flaws and make mistakes because that’s simply part of being human.

Expecting perfection from your partner is not only unfair but also unrealistic. This can lead to constant disappointment and can put an unnecessary strain on your relationship.

2) Mind-reading

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve fallen into this trap before.

In my past relationships, I often found myself expecting my partner to know exactly what I was thinking or feeling without me having to express it. I thought, “If they really loved me, they would just know.”

But let’s face it, expecting your partner to be a mind-reader is not only unrealistic but also unfair. It’s a relationship, not a magic show.

The truth is, no matter how well someone knows you, they can’t always accurately guess what’s going on in your mind. And expecting them to can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.

I’ve learned the hard way that clear communication is vital in a relationship. If something’s bothering you or you need something from your partner, express it openly and honestly.

Remember, your partner isn’t a psychic. If you’re expecting them to be one, your standards might just be a tad too high.

3) Constant togetherness

In the age of social media, it’s easy to see snapshots of couples who seem to be together 24/7 and think that’s the norm. But it isn’t.

Believe it or not, couples who spend every waking moment together aren’t necessarily happier or healthier. 

Expecting your partner to spend all their free time with you can lead to co-dependence and stifling of individual growth. It’s important to understand that time apart is not a threat to your relationship, but rather, it allows for personal development and maintains a sense of self.

4) No conflicts

Some people believe that a perfect relationship is one where there are no arguments or disagreements. But that’s far from the truth.

In reality, conflicts are a natural part of any relationship. They provide an opportunity for growth, understanding, and better communication. The key is not in avoiding conflicts but in how you handle them.

Expecting a conflict-free relationship is unrealistic and can even be unhealthy. It might lead to suppressing feelings or thoughts just to avoid a potential argument, which can breed resentment over time.

5) Complete transformation

It’s normal to hope that some of your partner’s habits or characteristics might change over time. However, expecting a total overhaul of their personality or lifestyle is unfair and could lead to disappointment.

You entered into a relationship with them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Encouraging growth and change is one thing, but expecting someone to become a different person altogether can cause strain on both parties involved.

If you’re expecting your partner to undergo a complete transformation to meet your ideals, it might be time to reassess your standards. Instead, appreciate them for their unique qualities and understand that everyone has their own journey of growth.

6) Unconditional happiness

We often enter into relationships with the expectation that our partners will be our constant source of happiness. This is a beautiful thought, but it’s also an unrealistic one.

Here’s a heartfelt truth – your partner is not responsible for your happiness. Yes, they can contribute to it, but the ultimate responsibility lies with you. It’s unfair and burdensome to put the entirety of your happiness on someone else’s shoulders.

Expecting your partner to always make you happy can lead to disappointment and can put unnecessary pressure on them. Remember, everyone has their own battles, their ups and downs.

7) Always being the priority

It’s a wonderful feeling to be someone’s top priority, but expecting to always be at the top of your partner’s list is unrealistic.

There was a time when I believed that being in love meant always being the number one priority. But life has taught me that this is not always the case.

Everyone has different aspects of their life that require attention, be it work, family, friends, or personal health. There will be times when these aspects need to take precedence.

8) No personal space

Being close and intimate with your partner is a beautiful part of any relationship. But this doesn’t mean that personal space should be completely disregarded.

In fact, having personal space is healthy and essential for both individuals in a relationship. It allows for personal growth, fosters independence, and can even improve the quality of time spent together.

Expecting your partner to give up their personal space entirely for the relationship can lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment over time.  

9) Undivided attention

In today’s connected world, it’s easy to expect your partner’s undivided attention at all times. But this is neither realistic nor healthy.

Everyone has various commitments and distractions in their day-to-day lives. Expecting your partner to always be available or responsive can create unnecessary pressure and lead to disappointment.

The key is understanding that while they might not be able to give you their undivided attention at all times, it doesn’t mean they care for you any less. Quality of attention matters more than quantity.

Reassessing expectations: The heart of the matter

When it comes to relationships, expectations can be tricky. They set the standards for what we want and need, but when they’re unrealistically high, they can lead to disappointment and strain.

The nine points we’ve discussed are common relationship expectations that might tip the scale towards being unrealistic. But bear in mind, every relationship is different and what works for one might not work for another.

What’s important is to find a balance between your needs and your partner’s, fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding. It’s about communication, compromise, and most importantly, acceptance.

Acceptance of the fact that no one is perfect. Acceptance of the fact that we all have our flaws. And acceptance of the fact that love isn’t about finding a perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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