Isabella Chase
Have you ever felt taken for granted in your relationship?
I know I have. It’s a feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
These weren’t dramatic realizations, but simply becoming aware of and addressing these habits made a world of difference. For instance, I found that constantly prioritizing my partner’s needs over my own often left me feeling unappreciated and undervalued.
This path of self-discovery, though filled with missteps and moments of doubt, led to a profound change in how I was perceived. By letting go of these unhelpful patterns, I experienced a new depth of respect and connection in my relationships.
Maybe they could do the same for you.
Let’s get into it.
1) Constantly saying “yes”
In relationships, we want to please our partners. It’s a natural instinct, rooted in our desire for harmony and mutual affection.
However, there’s a danger in always saying “yes” to your partner’s requests or preferences. This can lead to a one-sided dynamic where your needs and desires are constantly put on the back burner.
This doesn’t mean you should turn into a naysayer. Rather, it’s about finding balance. Say ‘yes’ when it aligns with your values and needs, and feel comfortable with saying ‘no’ when it doesn’t.
Allowing yourself to say ‘no’ communicates that your feelings and needs are just as important in the relationship.
2) Putting their needs before yours
I’ve always been a giver in relationships. I used to believe that putting my partner’s needs before mine was a hallmark of a loving relationship.
I remember in my last relationship, I would always alter my schedule to accommodate my partner’s plans. From canceling my gym sessions to missing out on girls’ nights, I was always ready to set aside my own needs.
It took me a while to realize that by constantly prioritizing them over me, I was inadvertently setting the stage for being taken for granted.
Now, I recognize how crucial it is to care for my partner’s needs while also ensuring that my own aren’t overlooked. This isn’t a matter of selfishness; it’s rooted in self-respect and understanding that my needs and desires hold equal value.
3) Ignoring red flags
In hindsight, there were signs that my worth was not being respected. There were little comments and gestures that belittled my contributions or disregarded my feelings.
But I ignored them, convincing myself that it was all in good fun or it wasn’t meant to be hurtful.
However, these small instances piled up over time and created an unhealthy dynamic where my value was consistently undermined.
Ignoring red flags doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, it leads to a gradual deterioration of self-esteem and fosters a relationship where you’re taken for granted.
Identifying these signs early, addressing them, and being ready to walk away from a relationship that doesn’t respect your worth are essential steps to protect your well-being.
4) Overcompensating with grand gestures
This might seem surprising at first. After all, aren’t grand gestures a sign of love and appreciation? Well, yes and no.
Grand gestures can certainly show your partner that you care, but they can also create unrealistic expectations in your relationship. When grand gestures become frequent, your partner might start to see them as the norm, not something special.
Moreover, grand gestures can sometimes overshadow the importance of smaller, everyday acts of kindness and appreciation.
Mother Teresa put it beautifully: “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of big surprises and lavish gifts, but true appreciation is found in the little moments.
Focus on the small things to show your care through everyday actions—making their favorite meal after a long day, listening when they need to vent, or simply offering a comforting hug when they’re feeling down.
These small acts of kindness often hold more meaning than any grand gesture ever could. They’re much less likely to create a situation where your partner starts to expect such efforts as routine.
5) Over-communication
Communicating openly and effectively is hailed as the key to a successful relationship, and it is, but there’s a twist.
Over-communication can sometimes backfire, especially when it becomes an unending stream of thoughts, feelings, and updates about your day.
Keeping your partner in the loop about every minute detail of your life can unintentionally make them feel like they don’t need to put in any effort to stay connected or understand you.
This doesn’t mean you should keep secrets or withhold information, but rather find a rhythm that allows communication to be a tool for connection and understanding, rather than just an open diary.
The goal is to foster a relationship where both parties actively seek to know each other and don’t take their partner’s openness for granted.
Consider dialing back on the over-communication. Give your partner the opportunity to be curious about you, to ask questions, and to actively engage in getting to know you.
6) Being too available
Similarly, being too accessible can be counterproductive. If you’re always ready to drop everything at a moment’s notice, it can lead to your partner becoming too accustomed to your constant presence.
Creating a bit of scarcity can make your presence more valued. It’s not about playing hard to get or being unnecessarily distant.
Instead, focus on having a life outside of your relationship. Pursue your interests, spend time with friends, and ensure you have alone time too.
By doing this, your partner will recognize that your time is valuable and that they need to respect it. This approach helps maintain a healthier relationship dynamic, where both individuals appreciate the time they share together.
7) Over-apologizing
Apologizing when you’re in the wrong is a sign of maturity and respect, but constantly saying sorry, even when it’s not necessary, can send the wrong message.
Over-apologizing might give the impression that you’re always at fault, which could cause your partner to undervalue your efforts. It can also diminish the impact of your genuine apologies over time.
As Albert Einstein once said, “Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth.” In a similar way, unthinking apologies can erode your own truth and self-worth.
Instead of saying sorry for trivial things or for events beyond your control, express empathy or understanding.
Replace “I’m sorry” with “I understand how you feel” or “That must have been tough.” This way, you show that you care without undermining your self-worth.
The crux: It’s about self-respect
In the end, our actions and choices in relationships are mirrors of our self-respect.
The behaviors we’ve explored aren’t just habits; they’re windows into how we perceive and value ourselves. Letting go of these patterns isn’t simply changing what you do—it’s nurturing a stronger sense of self-worth.
For anyone who feels overlooked or undervalued, reclaiming your worth can be a powerful transformation. The driving force behind this shift? The newfound respect you build for yourself.
Never forget: you deserve respect and consideration in every relationship, and it all begins with how you respect yourself.
