Louisa Lopez
What does it really mean to love someone unconditionally? It’s more than just claiming endless devotion – it requires showing up with care, no matter what.
When you truly love your partner without conditions or unnecessary judgment, you’ll do little things selflessly, and show up fully when times get rough too. Like lending a listening ear after a stressful day or sitting together in the dark when life turns messy.
If even some of these actions describe how you treat your person, you probably love them unconditionally.
1) You accept them no matter what
This perhaps the most obvious unconditional love, one that we often see from loving parents. Good parents will do anything for us, no matter what we have done. They would help us even in the worst of emergencies. In the worst of situations.
If your partner comes to you with a shocking confession or situation, but you hold them with love and compassion and commit to staying with them and helping them through, this could be a sign of unconditional love.
You won’t judge them if they tell you about a bad way that they acted with a friend or family member. But there’s more. If they get sick, or lose all their money, or anything else. This will not stop you from being with them till the end.
2) You know how to let go
When you get annoyed over minor issues like dishes in the sink or a forgotten errand, it breeds resentment quicker than mold on yesterday’s sandwich. Instead, you let these small things roll away.
I remember when my ex Roger would lecture me for 20 minutes if I forgot to text that I’d be 5 minutes late. The criticism and micro-managing made me anxious about the smallest things instead of feeling cared for.
But when crisis hit after losing my job last winter, my current partner didn’t hassle me once about eating cereal for dinner three nights in a row, or the pile of unfolded laundry spilling over the basket. His unconditional patience and understanding showed me what real love looks like in the day-to-day.
So they’ll never alphabetize the spice cabinet or regularly clean out the fridge until science projects evolve in the back. But you adopt a “live and let live” mentality towards their domestic disorganization, or whatever it might be.
3) You share random acts of kindness
Do you love to surprise your partner with their favorite salty snack after a tough meeting? Or bring home that organic lip balm or thing they’ve had their eye on. Perhaps you text a cute meme on hump day Wednesday.
These tiny acts of kindness inject whimsy and delight into each others’ daily life.
One dreary Tuesday a few years back after barely coping through a brutal day at the office, I came home to find an amazing chocolate cake waiting. No special occasion – just an impromptu treat to cheer me up. Such a small gesture but I still smile thinking about it!
But I also really love cake. Just so you know.
If the way to a man’s stomach is cake, the way to mine is definitely soft creamy chocolate cake. Knowing this kind of thing about your partner is one way to show them a special kind of kindness.
4) You check in when you sense something
Sometimes your S.O. seems a little “off” but they brush it aside saying everything’s fine. You dig deeper – ask again if they’re OK. You make it a safe space to open up without judgment.
You listen patiently rather than problem-solving right away. Simply paying attention makes them feel valued.
My friend Carla is masterful at this. Whenever her guy is vaguely cranky or prickly, she’ll gently prod until Mack opens up. Getting stuff off your chest feels so relieving. Last week she coaxed out how overloaded he feels covering for a coworker on leave.
Carla made soothing sounds and reflected what she heard instead of jumping straight into planning action. Mack immediately relaxed and became less snippy once he released the burden he’d been silently carrying.
She was there to hold a safe and loving space for him when he needed it most, and he would do the same for her. I see them as a couple that show unconditional love
5) You see things from their point of view
Instead of reacting in frustration when they’re behaving badly, you employ some radical empathy. You ask: What underlying hurt or stress could be behind this? How can I demonstrate compassion?
Your deep unconditional love allows you to show patience and care.
You know that sometimes, especially after something emotional, your partner just needs you to be sympathetic and kind, nothing more. You see why they are hurt and you comfort them.
Even when there is an argument or disagreement, and you feel hurt, you honor yourself and you also really hear what they are saying. You apologize and take responsibility sincerely for anything that you may have done to upset them.
6) You boost them up
You cheer loudly when they do really well at work or have a great day. Or you encourage them with a project or hobby or dream, or anything really! Shoot confetti when the sourdough loaf actually rises! Woo!
You praise them proudly for big milestones and tiny accomplishments. Because every success of theirs brings joy and pleasure into your heart.
And because you love them unconditionally, you want them to feel the best they can be, so you nurture them and feel proud of their achievements.
7) You’re always non judgmental
We all occasionally need to get stuff off our chests, be it traffic or terrible colleagues. You don’t lecture your loved one for venting or say how you’d handle things better. If you listen free of judgment then you bring them the comfort that only deep and even unconditional love can bring.
You don’t tell them how they should do things, you just offer love, support and kindness. You accept them, flaws and all.
8) You see past quirks and embrace them
Maybe you used to get irritated by their loud chewing or how they always misplaced their wallet and phone. I know I found my ex a bit cringey at times with his goofy sense of humor.
But after a while I got fond of it. Because unconditional acceptance means embracing their harmless eccentricities. You now think their perilous pun habit is endearing rather than embarrassing.
Maybe they’re an introvert who needs solo time to recharge. So even if you’re a social butterfly, you respect and accommodate their need for peace, quiet and space. Or if they insist on taking Collagen peptides and fresh aloe vera every morning, you pick some up so they won’t run out.
9) You value their opinions
On big decisions like career moves or where to go on vacation, you actively ask what they think and incorporate their input.
Even if you see things differently, you respect their perspective instead of bulldozing ahead arrogantly. If we make a big choice, then our partner has to be a part of that choice. Because it affects them, and it affects us. And that affects the relationship.
There’s a bigger picture with unconditional love.
10) You give them the benefit of the doubt
This is something that can go a long way, and comes naturally to those who love unconditionally.
If your partner comes home late without texting or acts distant and snappy, you don’t instantly assume ill-intent. First you ask if everything’s ok? Do they want support? Can you lighten their load?
Once the dust settles you revisit to understand where things went off course, without accusations.
11) You cherish your history, but don’t long for the past
You lovingly reminisce about when you first met or early dating adventures. But you don’t wish they’d “go back” to who they were a decade ago. People evolve – you nurture their growth with adoration, not resistance.
You treasure the strength of the bond and the mutual love and effort that has gone into that.
Loving unconditionally isn’t some fairytale myth – it shows through everyday nurturing care.
From embracing your partner’s quirks to overcoming obstacles hand-in-hand, your unconditional love and devotion reveals itself through patience, understanding and acts of selfless support.
