Amy Reed
Being a self-reliant person means being confident in your own abilities and able to do things by yourself.
And this personality trait comes with its ups and downs.
Most of the time, being self-reliant feels good – and deep down you know you can handle yourself more than other people can.
But sometimes, it gets to you. It feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you don’t know where to turn.
It feels like you aren’t capable or strong or able to handle things – but that isn’t true.
Because even when you don’t feel strong, you’ll be surprised at just how strong you’re already being.
Think you’re a self-reliant person deep down? Here are 11 experiences you can definitely relate to.
1) You rarely ask for help
Being self-reliant naturally means you rely on yourself to get things done. So it makes total sense that you rarely ask for help – with anything.
When you’re at the gym, you’ll try to move the weights alone – partly to see if you can but partly because you don’t expect help from others.
When you’re trying to decide what to do with your career, you’ll spend hours ruminating over it to make the decision yourself.
When you’re about to move home, you’ll do everything to get things done by yourself – before even considering asking for help from others.
Your friends often say you’re strong and good at handling things, and it’s true.
2) You often forget that you can actually ask for help
When you’re a naturally self-reliant person, people think you’re not asking for help because you don’t need it.
This is sometimes true, but this isn’t the only reason why you don’t ask for help.
Most of the time, you forget that you can actually ask for help at all.
You see friends being supported by their parents and other friends all the time – but it doesn’t cross your mind that you could have the same if you asked for it.
For you, doing things by yourself just comes naturally.
3) You prefer to do most things on your own
Even though you can ask for help, you prefer to do things alone anyway.
Doing something by yourself gives you a sense of accomplishment and (let’s be honest) a bit of a thrill.
Because you like being alone and relying on yourself.
And when you get something done – especially something really tough – you feel very, very good about yourself.
Which, believe it or not, isn’t a universal experience!
4) You almost always look up the answer rather than ask someone
Another experience you can probably relate to if you’re a self-reliant person is this…
You’re in a meeting and someone says something you’ve never heard of.
Instead of raising your hand and asking what they mean, you wait until the meeting’s over, go back to your desk, and Google what they were talking about.
Why? Because even though you know you could ask, you also know you could simply find out the answer yourself with a bit of research.
So why bother wasting everyone’s time? For you, it’s just instinctive to find out on your own, rather than get the answer from anyone else.
5) You often feel like you’re the only person you can rely on
You have lots of good friends and maybe even a strong family network. But you know deep down that you don’t rely on any of them 100%.
Sometimes, a small thing will happen that cements the fact that you can’t rely on anyone. Like your partner not cleaning something the way you would clean it.
Or a distant friend forgetting to wish you a happy birthday.
Other times, nothing will happen at all.
You’ll just be thinking about something in the past, going over a conversation with a friend, or just ruminating on the experiences of others – and you’ll have a moment where you think:
I’m the only person I can truly rely on.
6) You don’t expect anything from anyone
Another feeling you’ll have as you go through life as a self-reliant person is a general lack of expectations from people around you.
When you get into a relationship, you have standards, for sure. But you don’t expect them to pay for you, cook you dinner, chauffeur you around, or wait on you hand and foot.
In your friendships, you know what being a good friend means to you – and when someone is being the total opposite. But you don’t expect them to cross their boundaries for you.
This can stem from being burned and disappointed in the past, leaving you with low expectations.
But it can also come from deep within – from a general feeling that no one should do (most) things for you, and instead, you should be doing them yourself.
7) You often feel surprised when someone does something for you
Another experience you can relate to is feeling unusually taken aback when someone does something nice for you.
Say your new partner washes your car because they noticed it was getting dirty and you haven’t had time to clean it.
You wouldn’t just be grateful, you’d be downright surprised!
Because someone doing a nice thing for you isn’t something you expect. So when it happens, it knocks you for six.
8) You feel uncomfortable when people do things for you and you can’t help
Self-reliant people naturally do things for themselves. So when other people do things for them, it can make them feel somewhat uneasy.
Here’s an example.
Maybe you’ve just visited your friend’s parents house and they cook you dinner. When it comes to clean-up time, you offer to help, but they refuse.
And you sit there feeling very uncomfortable.
By the time you’re leaving, you feel bad about how waited-on you’ve been. And you can’t wait to get out of there and do something for yourself again!
9) You say thank you often
When you’re a self-reliant person, you probably find yourself thanking others way more than the people around you do.
And it’s not just because you have good manners. It’s because (as we mentioned earlier) people helping you just doesn’t feel right.
It isn’t something you ask for often and it surprises you when it comes unexpectedly.
So it’s in your nature to profusely thank whoever it is that’s lent you a hand.
10) You get called strong by people around you
When you’re a self-reliant person, you’ll often be told how “strong” and “capable” you are.
And sure, you know you can do things by yourself. But it still baffles you as to why (and how) other people think you’re a strong person.
Because for you, you battle everything inside your head. You debate things, make decisions, self-reflect, critique yourself, and even overthink things.
But no one sees that side of you. To them, all they see is a person who handles everything, makes decisions by themselves, and always holds themselves together.
But the reason they say it is because they don’t see the moments when you don’t feel strong.
Which does, by the way, still make you a strong person.
11) You don’t get checked-in with often
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always feel good to be a self-reliant person. Because when people know you’re capable, they expect it from you.
They know how strong you are. So they rarely check in with you to see how you’re doing or offer you help.
Like if you’re going through a tough time, your friends may message you once – but it might only be the once. Because they know “you can handle it”.
Or if your parents have something on, they’ll ask you for support over your siblings.
Or worse – they’ll ask you to help your siblings, even if you’re going through the exact same thing as them.
Because when you’re good at working through things, people don’t expect you to fall down. Which can be both a good feeling and a sad one.
It’s good that you believe in you and how strong you are. But it’s sad that you don’t always get the same level of help that others might.
Final thoughts
Overall, you feel good about being a self-reliant person. You like who you are and you couldn’t imagine being any other way in life.
But still, sometimes it gets to you being as tough as you are.
You wish you could be offered help or supported in the same way as others.
But then again, you know that those friends and family members are right – that you can handle it and you can get through it.
Because you are capable and strong – just like they know you are.
And that doesn’t mean you can’t ask for help or should press on even when you feel low.
Because you know that most people would be there for you in a heartbeat if you asked for it. And that’s the beauty of being a truly self-reliant person.
