First dates. You either love ‘em or hate ‘em—kind of like Marmite.
But regardless of where you stand, we can all agree that the true purpose of a first date is to offer a preview of what could happen if you enter into a relationship.
That’s why it’s important to pay attention. Amid the banter and flirting, your date is inadvertently dropping clues about their personality, values, and opinions.
And some of these clues might actually be red flags in disguise.
So, let’s dive into it:
Here are 10 things that, if they happen on a first date, should make you think twice about scheduling a second…
1) They show up late without letting you know
It might not seem like a big deal if your date keeps you waiting without notice. You give them the benefit of the doubt – maybe the traffic really was horrendous?
But in this day and age, pretty much everyone has a mobile phone.
There’s no excuse for not giving you adequate notice so you aren’t sitting in the cafe, feeling awkward and wondering if you’re being stood up.
But I think what really concerns me with this behavior is the lack of consideration.
Think about it this way – they’re meeting you for the first time. First impressions do count. And they couldn’t be thoughtful enough to send a quick text?
Hello, red flag!
2) They keep checking their phone
You’re mid-sentence explaining what you do for work when you see your date casually look down and respond to a text on their phone.
They might even do that (annoying) thing where they keep flitting between their phone and making eye contact with you. Juggling attention as I like to call it.
But whichever way you look at it, it’s plain and simple RUDE.
It also indicates they’re not terribly interested in you either.
Keep things simple – don’t waste your time on someone who can’t give you their FULL attention. If they do this on the first date, you can be sure they’ll do it on the second.
3) They only talk about themselves
I’m getting the ick just thinking about it…but when I was younger, I dated many guys who probably spoke about themselves 90% of the time.
I was young and naive. I thought, “Oh, they’re showing off. That means they like me.”
How wrong I was.
A date is meant to be two people coming together and getting to know each other.
They should be just as interested in you as you are in them. That means they ask you questions and give you the floor to speak openly.
If they only talk about themselves, you’re either on a date with a narcissist or with someone who isn’t interested in getting to know you.
That being said – I will mention that some people genuinely do suffer from insecurity, nerves, and a lack of social skills. So if this is apparent, you might want to make an exception and give them the benefit of the doubt.
4) They’re rude to the waiter
If I could scream this from the rooftops I would:
It doesn’t matter how nice your date is to you. If they’re rude to the waiter, cleaner, or taxi driver, they’re NOT a nice person.
And really, do you want to go on a second date with someone like this?
I once went on a date with a guy who loudly exclaimed to the waiter, “Arghh…why the hell is the food taking so long?”
He then carried on our conversation like nothing had happened. I apologized to the waiter and left before dessert.
5) They ask inappropriate questions
Ladies, I know I’m not alone in this. Why do some guys think it’s okay to ask how many men we’ve slept with on the first date?
Or our favorite sexual positions?
Guys reading this, you may have also been asked inappropriate questions such as how much you earn or how many women you’ve been with in the past.
It’s simply not good manners. It also shows the other person’s true intentions.
Rather than taking their time to get to know you (and letting that information come out naturally), they’re pushing for answers. There’s a reason for that.
As I always say – if someone shows you their true colors, believe them. You don’t need a second date to confirm what they’ve already shown you on the first!
6) They overshare
If you’ve ever seen an episode of “First Dates”, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
A first date is meant to be casual. It’s a chance to learn the basics, flirt, and see if you have any chemistry.
Talking about things like:
- Family history
- Extreme illnesses (this one depends on the illness/vibe of the date)
- Ex partners
Is probably best left for another time, when you’re both a bit more comfortable around each other.
The truth is, if someone dives into their entire life history when you don’t even know their surname yet, it signals poor boundaries on their part.
Not to mention; first dates are for building a connection, not eliciting sympathy or pity (as harsh as that sounds).
7) They try to push your boundaries
Talking of boundaries…if your date continuously tries to push yours, please don’t go on a second date with them.
They don’t respect you.
“Just have one more drink…go on. Don’t be boring…”
“You sure you don’t want to come back to mine? Come on. What’s wrong with you, are you scared?”
Sentences like this are major red flags.
You should only have to say “no” once. If a date keeps pushing further, they clearly don’t care about your feelings on the matter.
8) They display “shady” behavior
Now, by shady behavior, I mean little indications that they aren’t being truthful about themselves.
You might notice your date’s stories don’t add up or that they’re purposefully avoiding answering certain questions.
For example, my friend told me about a girl he went on a date with who acted like she was super independent. Had a flat of her own, a car, and a good job.
But luckily, he enquired further. Turns out, her dad paid for everything she had. Even her “career” was working in his office. Not quite the independent, put-together lady she presented herself as at the start.
Worse than all that, even when my friend called her out on it, she denied it. It was like she couldn’t bear to just be truthful.
Now, this might come from insecurity. Or she could just be a serial liar.
Either way, do you really want to continue dating someone when you have to second-guess everything they say?
9) They use the date to talk crap about their ex
At some point, the “ex” conversation usually crops up. And that’s okay, it’s natural to be curious about why each other is still single and what happened in the past.
But if they use this chance to talk shit about their ex for hours on end, it signifies a few things:
- They’re not over their ex
- They’ve got a victim complex (if their ex is solely responsible for everything that went wrong)
- They don’t respect people’s privacy (if they share intimate details about their ex)
- They might be emotionally immature (if they can’t seem to move on)
It’s also a bit of a warning signal. If a guy was venting heavily about his ex and every little thing she did wrong, I’d start to wonder…
Will he do the same about me if we get into a relationship and break up?
Whichever way you look at it, it’s not healthy. Not to mention, not worth a second date.
10) They make you feel unsafe
And finally, if someone does something or says something on a date that makes you feel unsafe, don’t hesitate to leave, let alone refuse a second meetup.
After all, if they can make you feel this way after just meeting them, imagine if you got into a relationship with them?
In these situations, you need to trust your gut. Follow your intuition.
Even if they haven’t explicitly done something bad, if you’re getting a negative vibe or there are hints of anger or aggression, that’s enough.
Ultimately, if you walk away from a date with more concerns than excitement, it’s probably best not to continue seeing this person.
With that in mind, use these points above as a guide, but remember, you’ve got to use your own judgment too. While one person may be put off by oversharing, for example, another might welcome it.
It all comes down to your personal preferences, and of course, following your gut feeling.