If these 7 things are hard, you’re not ready to stop being single

If you’re single and wondering why love hasn’t knocked on your door yet, maybe it’s time to check if you’re really ready for a relationship.

Being ready is not just about wanting to be in love. It’s about being prepared and growing as a person too.

In this article, we’ll talk about 7 things you should be doing if you’re truly ready to stop being single.

1. Know Yourself

The first step to stop being single is to really know yourself. What does that mean?

Well, it’s about understanding what you like, what you don’t like, what you’re passionate about, and what your goals are. It’s about knowing your strengths and weaknesses and being comfortable with them.

When you know yourself, you can communicate who you are to others. This helps in finding someone who truly appreciates you for who you are. If you’re not sure about these things, take some time to explore and understand yourself. It could be through hobbies, travel, or even quiet reflection.

Being in a relationship isn’t about losing your individuality; it’s about sharing your true self with another person.

2. Being Comfortable with Being Single

Sounds contradictory, right? But it’s not. You should be comfortable with being single before getting into a relationship. This means enjoying your own company, doing things independently, and being content with your own life.

This is important because it means you’re not looking for a relationship to fill a void or to make you ‘complete’. You’re a whole person on your own! A relationship should be about sharing your completeness with someone else, not depending on them to make you feel complete.

If you’re uncomfortable with being alone, it might be worth exploring why that is before jumping into a relationship. Being comfortable with yourself and your own company is a sign of emotional maturity and readiness for a healthy relationship.

3. Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Next up is setting healthy boundaries, something I’ve personally had to work on. Let me share a little of my journey.

A few years ago, I found myself constantly bending over backward to keep my partner happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. I would always put their needs before mine, thinking that was what love was all about. It took a toll on me and eventually, the relationship ended.

After some self-reflection, I realized I didn’t have clear boundaries in place. I was allowing my partner to overstep lines that should have been set firmly. This was a hard lesson, but it made me understand the importance of establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are about understanding and respecting your own needs, feelings and comfort levels, and ensuring others respect them too. It’s about saying ‘no’ when you need to and not feeling guilty about it. It’s about making sure your relationship is a two-way street, not one where you’re always giving and the other person is always taking.

4. Understanding Your Relationship Patterns

Here’s an interesting fact for you: according to psychologists, we tend to repeat our relationship patterns until we consciously decide to break them. So, if you’ve noticed a pattern in your past relationships (like always dating the “bad boy” or “drama queen”), it’s worth taking a closer look.

Understanding your relationship patterns helps you identify what’s not working and gives you a chance to break the cycle. Maybe you tend to rush into relationships, or perhaps you often ignore red flags.

By reflecting on your past relationships and recognizing the patterns, you can make different choices in the future. This is a crucial step in ensuring your next relationship is healthier and more satisfying than the ones before.

Before you dive into a new relationship, make sure you’ve done some detective work on your past ones!

5. Being Open to Love

This point may sound a little cliché, but it’s genuinely important.

Being open to love means letting go of past hurts and disappointments and being willing to risk getting hurt again.

It’s about allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which is one of the bravest things we can do.

If you’ve been hurt before, it’s natural to want to protect your heart. But building a wall around yourself also keeps out the possibility of love and connection.

I know it’s not easy, but remember that not everyone will hurt you like your past partners did. There are people out there who will love and respect you as you deserve.

6. Having Realistic Expectations

Let me share a piece of my experience here. I used to believe in the kind of love you see in romantic comedies – the grand gestures, the perfect moments, the happily ever afters without any bumps along the way. I thought this was what love should look like and anything less than that was a compromise.

But then, reality hit me. Relationships, like life, are not perfect. They have ups and downs, disagreements and misunderstandings. What matters is how you navigate through these issues together.

I learned that having realistic expectations about relationships is incredibly important. It’s not about lowering your standards, but about understanding that a perfect relationship doesn’t exist. It’s about recognizing that every person has flaws and that disagreements are a normal part of any relationship.

7. Being Ready to Work for It

Here’s the raw truth, folks – relationships are work. They’re not always rainbows and butterflies. They require commitment, effort, and a whole lot of patience.

Anyone who tells you that love should be easy and effortless all the time is selling you a fantasy. Sure, there are moments of ease and pure happiness, but there are also moments of struggle and uncertainty.

You have to be ready to have tough conversations, to compromise, to sometimes put someone else’s needs ahead of your own. You have to be prepared to grow and evolve with your partner, to learn and unlearn things about yourself.

If you’re not ready for this kind of work, then you’re probably not ready to stop being single. But if you’re willing to roll up your sleeves and dive into the messiness that love can sometimes be, then buckle up for an enriching journey that can bring you great joy and personal growth.

8. Being Financially Responsible

Here’s an interesting fact: according to a survey conducted by SunTrust Bank, financial issues are the top reason for stress in a relationship. This indicates how crucial it is to have your financial house in order before being ready for a serious relationship.

Being financially responsible doesn’t mean you need to be rich. It means being able to manage your money effectively, understanding how to budget, save, and not living beyond your means. It’s about showing that you can make wise financial decisions and can take care of your own needs.

When you’re financially responsible, it shows that you’re capable of planning for the future and making smart decisions. It also reduces potential arguments and stress in a relationship related to money. 

9. Being Emotionally Available

On a personal note, I’ve learned that being emotionally available is a critical aspect of being ready for a relationship. I used to keep my emotions tightly bottled up, thinking it was a sign of strength. But in reality, it was preventing me from forming deeper connections with others.

Being emotionally available means being open to expressing your feelings and being receptive to those of others. It means being able to show empathy, vulnerability, and understanding. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing yourself to feel and express a full range of emotions – joy, sadness, fear, love, and everything in between.

If you’re not ready to be open in this way, it can be challenging to build an intimate relationship with someone else.

10. Being Ready to Share Your Life

This might sound a bit harsh, but it’s the truth – if you’re not ready to share your life with someone else, you’re not ready to stop being single. A relationship isn’t just about sharing your time, but also your space, your feelings, your thoughts, and yes, even your Netflix account.

It means that you can’t just do what you want when you want all the time. You have to consider another person’s feelings and needs. You have to make decisions together and sometimes compromise on things you want.

If the idea of this level of sharing makes you feel suffocated rather than loved and supported, then maybe it’s not yet time to hang up your single status.

11. Being Ready for the Long Haul

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, being ready to stop being single means being ready for the long haul. Relationships aren’t just about the honeymoon phase where everything is exciting and new. They’re about sticking around when things get tough, when the mundane sets in, when the initial spark may have dimmed a bit.

If you’re looking only for excitement and passion that comes with new love, you might not be ready for a real relationship. A lasting relationship requires resilience, commitment, and a willingness to work through issues together over time.

If you’re not prepared to stick around during the inevitable tough times, it might be better to stay single until you are.

Clifton Kopp

Welcome to my writings on Hack Spirit! I'm a bit of a "polymath" in that I like writing about many different things. Often I'm learning from the process of writing. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment on one of my articles.

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