Mia Zhang
One surprising discovery I made on the path of personal growth is this – many people around you will not be happy to see you become a better person.
It doesn’t make sense, I know. Why would our loved ones not want to see us doing well?
It all comes down to jealousy.
If someone is unfulfilled in their own life, they will struggle to feel genuinely happy for someone else’s success.
But jealousy is a tricky emotion to detect, especially when it’s hidden beneath the surface.
Perhaps you tell a friend about your recent promotion, and you notice they seem indifferent or pessimistic about it.
It’s easy to just put it down to them having a bad day. But if it’s something that happens more than once, it could be that they are jealous of you.
In this article, I’m going to let you in on seven tell-tale signs that suggest someone is secretly jealous of you, even if they are trying to hide it.
1) They give backhanded compliments
Do you know that friend who always wraps up their insults in a nice little compliment package?
You might be surprised to learn that this behavior is often a sign of hidden jealousy.
Backhanded compliments are a sneaky way for someone to belittle your achievements without appearing outright mean.
It’s that classic “I love how you’ll just wear anything” or “Your new job must be so much easier than your last one”.
On the surface, these comments seem positive, but there’s an underlying sting that’s hard to ignore.
This is their way of dealing with their feelings of envy, by trying to diminish your accomplishments or make them seem less significant.
So next time you receive a compliment that leaves a sour taste, it might just be that someone’s a little green-eyed.
2) They’re quick to downplay your success
I remember when I got promoted at my last job. It was a really big deal for me. I had put in countless hours of work, stayed late, and even sacrificed a few weekends.
When I finally shared the news with my group of friends, most were genuinely happy for me.
But there was one friend, let’s call her Sarah, who immediately brushed off my achievement.
She said something like, “Oh, that’s good for you. But doesn’t that mean you’ll have to work even harder now?”
Instead of celebrating with me, Sarah found a way to turn my success into a potential negative. It took me a while to realize that this was a subtle sign of her hidden jealousy.
According to psychologist and author Steven Berglas, when you get a promotion, your friend might start to see you as more successful than them. So they start questioning their own skills and abilities and feel like a failure.
As a result, they try to downplay your achievement to make themselves feel better
So if you notice someone constantly downplaying your achievements, it could be a sign they’re secretly envious of your success.
3) They imitate you
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or so they say. But sometimes, it can also be a sign of hidden jealousy.
When someone is secretly envious of you, they might start to mimic your behavior, your style, or even your manner of speaking. This could be their way of trying to achieve what you have, or even outdo you.
Remember, we often emulate those we admire. However, when it starts to feel like they’re copying your every move, it might be more about jealousy than admiration.
Psychologists actually have a term for this: “nonconscious mimicry“. It’s the phenomenon where people unintentionally mimic the behavioral aspects of those they interact with.
So if someone starts dressing like you, talking like you, or even picking up your hobbies, take note. They might just be a little envious of what you’ve got going on.
4) They revel in your failures
Nobody’s perfect and we all experience ups and downs. But if someone is secretly jealous of you, they might show a little too much pleasure in your downs.
This isn’t to say they’ll outright laugh at your misfortune. More often, it’s a subtle sense of satisfaction or relief they exhibit when things don’t go your way.
It might be:
- A sly comment
- A smirk
- A lack of empathy when you’re going through a tough time
This behavior stems from their desire to see you on the same level or even below them. It’s their way of coping with feelings of inadequacy or inferiority.
So if someone seems unusually happy about your failures or mistakes, it could be a sign they’re harboring feelings of jealousy towards you.
5) They’re overly competitive
Picture this: you’re playing a friendly game of Scrabble, and suddenly, your friend is treating it like it’s the final round of a world championship.
That was my experience with my college roommate, Ben.
Every board game, every study session, even who could do the most push-ups, became a competition.
At first, I thought he was just a competitive person. But over time, I began to see a pattern.
Whenever I achieved something, Ben would suddenly become interested in that area and try to outdo me.
It was as if he was always trying to prove he was better than me. And if he couldn’t win at something, he’d quickly lose interest and move on to the next challenge.
Psychology suggests that hyper-competitiveness can often be a sign of hidden jealousy. They see your achievements as a challenge to their own self-worth and feel compelled to outperform you.
So if you notice someone constantly turning everything into a competition, it may be because they’re secretly jealous of you.
6) They avoid or ignore your achievements
When you achieve something great, it’s natural to want to share the news with your friends. But if someone is secretly jealous of you, they might react differently.
Instead of celebrating with you, they might avoid the topic altogether or deliberately ignore your success. They might quickly change the subject or show a lack of interest when you bring up your achievements.
Why?
Because acknowledging your success makes them confront their own feelings of envy and inadequacy. So by avoiding or ignoring your achievements, they’re trying to minimize their impact and preserve their own self-esteem.
So if you notice someone consistently dodging conversations about your success, it could be a sign they’re secretly envious of you. It’s a subtle behavior, but once you spot it, it’s hard to ignore.
7) They gossip about you
Research shows that jealousy is often a contributing factor of gossip. It’s the envious persons’s way of trying to tarnish your reputation and make themselves feel better in comparison.
If someone’s spreading rumors or talking behind your back, it could very well be because they’re jealous of you. They might:
- Exaggerate your flaws
- Downplay your achievements
- Spread outright lies
This behavior is rooted in insecurity and envy. Their words are a reflection of their feelings towards you, not a reflection of who you truly are.
So if you hear whispers and rumors about you from a supposed friend, take it as a sign. They might just be secretly jealous of you.
Final thoughts: It’s not about you
While it can be easy to take jealous comments and actions personally, it’s important to remember – it’s not about you.
Jealousy, at its core, is a reflection of a person’s own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. It doesn’t diminish your worth or achievements. It merely serves as a mirror reflecting their internal struggles.
Moreover, jealousy affects them much more than it does you. This toxic emotion eats at the person harboring it, not at the one who is its object.
