If someone uses these 14 phrases in a conversation, they’re not a nice person

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Have you ever walked out of a conversation wondering “Wait, did they just insult me?” 

Or “Gosh, they’re nice people but why do I feel awful?!”

There’s probably a good reason for that.

And it’s probably because you’re talking to someone who’s not as nice as they seem to be!

Allow me to elaborate in this article.

If someone uses these 14 phrases in a conversation, they’re not really a nice person.

1) “You really love to complain, don’t you?”

You have your concerns, and you’re dying to talk about them.

The problem is that every time you try, they hit you with stuff like “Oh, you love complaining, don’t you?” 

Or “Phew! You’re pretty hard to please.”

It doesn’t matter how you try to open the conversation. 

Nice or not, they’ll shut you down regardless!

And to make it worse, they’re often so calm and confident that you can’t help but doubt yourself.

You’d go “Hmmm, am I actually a toxic person who whines about everything?”

You might not be, but their gaslighting has you thinking that you are.

2) “I don’t want to be rude, but…”

But…but then they’ll follow it up with something extremely rude.

This phrase translates to “I’m normally a good person, but you give me NO CHOICE!”

And it’s much more sinister than it seems at first glance. 

They’re basically saying that YOU’RE SO HORRIBLE that you manage to make them— a polite and upstanding person— break character!

It’s also just straight up annoying, because then they can just fall back on “Well, I warned you!” if you ever try to call them out on their rudeness.

3) “Let’s not waste each other’s time.”

Now there’s nothing wrong with cutting a conversation off if it’s clear that the conversation is actually a waste of time…

But you’re pretty sure that’s not the case here!

Rather, they were perfectly willing to entertain an hours-long argument with you.

Well, so long as they felt like they had the advantage or still had an opportunity to score a win over you.

But the moment it becomes clear that you’re winning the argument?

They suddenly want to exit!

They hate it when you have a good point. And so they want to deny you the opportunity to elaborate further by saying “Let’s not waste each other’s time.”

And at that point, they’ve already wasted someone’s time—yours!

4) “Suit yourself!”

People who are not-so-nice LOVE giving advice. 

They love it so much in fact that you don’t have to ask for it—they’ll give it to you unsolicited.

That alone would be annoying, but tolerable. 

The problem is that when you don’t take their advice they’ll get upset and say things like “Well, suit yourself!”

Their intent is to make it clear that they’re sure you’ll fail, and that when you do, it’s your fault for not heeding their “wise” advice.

A genuinely nice person would not make other people afraid of making their own decisions. In fact, they’d be a good sport and say “hey, I believe in you”.

Or at least they’ll say something honest instead, like “I don’t think it will work, but I think you know better than me and I’m excited that you prove me wrong”.

5) “Here you go again with your excuses.”

It doesn’t matter to them even if you’re sick and bedridden, or that you’re completely emotionally drained because you caught your partner cheating on you.

They say this line when you give them a reason—any reason—why you can’t do something, like coming in to work or attending their housewarming party.

And they’ll say it in such a way that you can’t help but feel like the most irresponsible and most flaky person on the whole d*mn planet.

No reason is strong or valid enough to make them believe in you because… frankly, they just don’t care. They just care about themselves!

6) “Oh, you’ll see!”

This is similar to “Suit yourself” from before, but cheekier and more aggressive.

With this, they imply that they know something you don’t— that they can see that you’re meant to fail.

If they turn out to be right, they’ll take it as an opportunity to laugh at you and tell you “well, I told you so!”

And when they’re wrong? 

They just shrug it off as if it wasn’t a big deal anyways.

7) “Hey, I’m just being honest!”

The problem with this line is that most of the time, people just use it as an excuse to be unabashedly rude.

They’ll say things like “I think you should lose weight” or “I think he’s too good for you.”

And if you don’t appreciate their comments, they’ll go “Well, I’m just being honest!”

The implication is that being considerate and thoughtful goes against honesty. 

This isn’t the case, of course—it just takes more effort to be both honest and thoughtful.

And not only can’t they be bothered to put in that effort, they go as far as to be mean. For some reason, it’s like their “honesty” grants them a free pass to murder your self-esteem.

8) “Well, I was just trying to help!”

It’s hard to say that someone’s being an a**hole if they’re just trying to be “helpful.”

They’d ask questions that make you deeply uncomfortable and leave comments that make you feel personally attacked.

Things like “Have you considered going on a diet so that you’ll get more dates? I know a good trainer.” 

Or “Your hobbies are too nerdy, you should get into something more social so that you’ll stop being lonely all the time.”

And when you stop engaging with them over it, they’ll raise their hands and say, “Well, I was just trying to help, you know?”

9) “Let’s not get overly dramatic here.”

Show any sign at all that something they said or did hurt you—even if it’s something as small as your voice creaking—and they’ll immediately react.

They’ll say something like, “OMG, you’re so sensitive!” or “Uh, why so dramatic?” to immediately throw you off.

The point of this is to make it seem like you crying or being upset is not because they’re awful people, but because YOU’RE WEAK AND EMOTIONAL.

A genuinely good person will instead ask, “Did I say something wrong?” or “Are you uncomfortable with this convo?”, then adjust.

10) “Sorry YOU feel that way.”

Speaking of apologies, this is another phrase that people use to deflect the blame.

Tell them that they’re not being nice and they’ll try to make a case that, no, it’s not that they’re not nice—you’re just way too sensitive!

Instead of acknowledging that maybe they’re actually in the wrong, they’ll instead tell you that it’s your fault that you PERCEIVE them that way.

After all, how are you to say that your feelings are objectively true?

They surely don’t think the same way!

A genuinely nice person wouldn’t try to gaslight you like this. Instead, they’ll acknowledge their mistake (or at least how you feel) and try to do better.

11) “I don’t like comparing you to others, but…”

But they’ll compare you to others anyways.

They can’t help themselves because deep in their hearts, they want to destroy your self-confidence.

And by praising others, they’re trying to make it seem like they’re not just being bitter—after all, they can acknowledge what’s good in others!

Rather, there’s simply something wrong with YOU, and you have to get better so they’ll give you the same level of respect.

12) “I have something to tell you…oh, never mind.”

The people who say this are, simply put, baiting. 

They want you to get so intrigued that you’ll beg them over and over to spill their secrets.

And so when they DO tell you those same secrets, they can say things like, “Oh, I didn’t want to, but you kept begging for it, so…”

Why?

So when the secret makes the rounds, they won’t get blamed for being a tattletale. Instead, most of the blame would lie on you for forcing them to tell instead.

13) “I don’t want to sound judgmental, but…”

They’ll say something like:

 “I don’t want to sound racist but I really find it hard to trust your Asian friends.”

“I don’t want to sound like a homophobe but I’m just uncomfortable getting too close to you knowing you’re gay.”

And you know what?

The fact stands that by saying this, they ARE being judgmental and bigoted, as much as they do not want to sound like they are.

14) “Stop being so sad. You got this!”

There are some people who think they can snap people out of their misery by cheering them on and “inspiring” them.

It’s called toxic positivity and well, that’s not very nice.

Sadness is a part of life. 

What we want deep down inside is not being told to “stop” being sad, but to have people understand and sit by our sides until we get better.

When we’re sad or anxious or worried or disappointed, the last thing we want to hear is “stop feeling all your feelings!”

Last words

There are many ways to disguise the unpleasant parts of our personalities and make them seem “good.” 

Some of these are deliberate, while others are things we do subconsciously.

If someone makes you feel awful after every conversation, then they probably do most of the things I listed above.

There’s nothing much you can do about THEM, but there’s a lot you can do about YOU.

The first thing is to simply acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with you—that they’re simply not-so-nice people.

The second thing is to be a little nicer to others. Try to be more mindful of the things you say, too.  Don’t be like those assh*les!

When in doubt, ask yourself “How can I be genuinely nicer to the people I talk to today?”, and try to do that.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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