Lucas Graham
There’s a clear line between being genuine and being inauthentic in conversation.
The distinction is all about sincerity. Inauthentic people often use certain phrases to mask their true feelings or to make themselves appear better than they are.
Being genuine, on the other hand, involves being open and honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
It’s about showing respect for others by being truthful.
In conversation, 9 phrases can be a dead giveaway of someone’s lack of authenticity.
You should be aware of them so that you can clarify who is genuinely authentic.
1) “Trust me…”
One of the most common sectors where authenticity matters is in building trustful relationships.
In these interactions, certain phrases can be major red flags.
“Trust me…” is one such phrase.
It’s often used as a way to bypass the process of building actual trust.
Genuine people understand that trust is earned over time through actions, not words.
They don’t feel the need to verbally insist on their trustworthiness.
It’s reflected in their actions and behaviors.
However, inauthentic individuals might use this phrase as a shortcut, to convince you of their credibility without demonstrating it.
Keep in mind, that it’s not about the phrase itself but the intent and context behind it.
When someone says “Trust me…”, consider whether they’ve shown you reasons to do so. If not, they might be lacking authenticity.
2) “I hate to be the one to tell you this…”
In my personal experience, I’ve found that phrases like “I hate to be the one to tell you this…” often act as a cover for delivering unnecessary or unkind information.
Once, a colleague used this phrase before sharing some negative feedback about another team member.
As it turned out, the feedback wasn’t constructive or necessary; he just wanted to vent his frustrations.
Authentic people tend to avoid such phrases.
They understand that if they hated to share such information, they probably wouldn’t. Instead, they’d find a more constructive way to address the issue or convey their concerns.
When I hear “I hate to be the one to tell you this…”, I now take it with a grain of salt and question the authenticity of the person saying it.
3) “I’m not being rude, but…”
The phrase “I’m not being rude, but…” often prefaces a statement that is, indeed, quite rude.
It’s a classic example of negation, where someone asserts they’re not doing something while simultaneously doing it.
This phrase is actually an example of what linguists call pragmatic markers, which are words or phrases that help to manage conversation.
They can be used to soften the blow of criticism or directness, but they can also be used to sidestep responsibility for rudeness.
Authentic people tend to avoid such linguistic gymnastics.
They’re direct and respectful in their speech and don’t need to hide behind a veil of faux politeness.
While “I’m not being rude, but…” may seem like a harmless phrase, it can often signal a lack of authenticity in the speaker.
4) “No offense, but…”
“No offense, but…” is another phrase that often indicates a lack of authenticity.
Similar to “I’m not being rude, but…”, it’s typically used as a preface to a comment that is likely to offend.
Genuine individuals understand that if a statement has the potential to offend, it’s probably better left unsaid or at least rephrased in a more considerate manner.
Inauthentic people, on the other hand, may use this phrase as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their offensive remarks.
The phrase essentially serves as a disclaimer, attempting to absolve them of any negative reactions their words may cause.
If someone says “No offense, but…”, they’re probably about to say something offensive.
And that’s not a sign of authenticity.
5) “Just saying…”
The phrase “Just saying…” is often used as a way to distance oneself from the impact of their own words.
It’s a form of deflection, aiming to minimize the weight or potential consequences of what’s been said.
Authentic people, on the other hand, stand by their words.
They understand that their statements have effects and they take responsibility for them.
They don’t feel the need to play down their opinions or thoughts with phrases like “Just saying…”.
Observing someone frequently resorting to this phrase may signal their evasion of accountability for their words, indicating a lack of authenticity.
6) “I don’t usually…”
A phrase that tugs at my heartstrings is “I don’t usually…”.
This phrase often precedes a behavior or action that the person regularly exhibits, making it a clear sign of inauthenticity.
We’ve all met people who say things like “I don’t usually gossip, but…” or “I don’t usually complain, but…”.
These statements are often followed by exactly the behavior they claim to avoid.
Authenticity is about being honest with oneself and others.
It’s owning our behaviors and habits, not hiding behind disclaimers.
It’s okay to admit our flaws and work on them, rather than pretending they don’t exist.
Bear in consideration that when someone asserts, “I don’t usually…,” it frequently suggests the opposite, revealing a lack of authenticity.
7) “To be honest with you…”
One phrase that I’ve often encountered is “To be honest with you…”.
It’s used so frequently that it’s almost become a filler phrase, like “um” or “like”.
The issue is, that this phrase can subtly imply that the speaker isn’t usually honest.
After all, if they feel the need to specifically state that they’re being honest now, does that mean they aren’t at other times?
In my interactions, I aim to cultivate an environment where honesty is inherent, not something that requires emphasis.
Authenticity, by definition, involves being truthful in every conversation without the necessity of emphasizing it.
Hence, if the phrase “To be honest with you…” is frequently used by someone, it could prompt a consideration of their authenticity.
8) “Believe me…”
“Believe me…” is another phrase that can be a red flag for inauthenticity.
It’s often used as a way to try and convince others of something without providing any concrete evidence or rational argument.
Authentic people understand that credibility isn’t gained through words alone but through consistent actions over time.
They don’t need to plead for belief because their actions speak for themselves.
Conversely, individuals lacking authenticity may employ this phrase to manipulate others into unquestioningly accepting their statements.
Thus, when someone consistently insists, “Believe me…,” it could serve as an indicator that their genuineness is not as solid as they portray.
9) “Honestly, I don’t care what people think…”
This phrase can often be a mask for insecurity.
Authentic people don’t need to declare their indifference to others’ opinions because they’re secure in their values and beliefs.
They understand that it’s human nature to care about the perception of others to some extent, but they don’t let it dictate their actions or self-worth.
When someone repeatedly declares their indifference to others’ opinions, it could hint at a deficit in authenticity.
Truly authentic individuals don’t find the need to vocalize such sentiments; their actions naturally reflect their mindset.
The heart of authenticity
Peeling back the layers of human interaction, we often find that authenticity isn’t as straightforward as it may seem.
Our words play a major role in reflecting our true selves.
The phrases we use can act as windows to our sincerity, or lack thereof.
We’ve looked at nine specific phrases that can hint at inauthentic behavior.
People are complex and their authenticity can’t be measured merely by their choice of words.
Yet, awareness of these phrases can be instrumental in fostering more genuine interactions.
It allows us to recognize when our words might be sending the wrong signals, and when others might not be as sincere as they seem.
In the grand scheme of things, authenticity is about aligning our words with our actions and intentions.
