If someone uses these 7 phrases in a conversation, they have almost no emotional intelligence

There’s a fine line between having a constructive conversation and completely missing the mark on emotional intelligence. It’s all about the phrases you use.

Ever been in a chat where someone uses certain phrases and you find yourself cringing? That’s not just you being oversensitive.

Those phrases may be a clear sign of lack of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing our own emotions, as well as those of the people around us.

It’s about empathy, self-awareness, and respect. And boy, do these phrases miss the mark on all those fronts!

As a relationship expert and founder of Love Connection blog, I’ve come across my fair share of conversations lacking emotional intelligence.

Here are some phrases that are dead giveaways.

If you hear these in a conversation, it’s a sign that the speaker could do with a boost in emotional intelligence.

1) “Calm down”

In the world of emotional intelligence, telling someone to “calm down” is a cardinal sin.

You see, emotionally intelligent people understand that emotions are not something to be suppressed or dismissed.

They’re a normal part of the human experience and need to be acknowledged and addressed.

When you tell someone to “calm down”, it can come across as dismissive.

It’s as if you’re saying their feelings are not valid or important.

And that’s a surefire way to escalate the situation rather than defuse it.

Instead of telling someone to “calm down”, why not try acknowledging their feelings?

A simple “I can see you’re upset about this” can go a long way in diffusing tension and promoting understanding.

By doing this, not only are you validating their emotions, but you’re also creating a safe space for open dialogue.

Now that’s emotional intelligence in action.

2) “You always…” or “You never…”

These phrases might seem like a natural way to express exasperation or frustration.

But in reality, they’re a fast track to communication breakdown.

“Always” and “never” are absolute terms, and using them can lead to generalizations that may not be entirely true.

It’s highly unlikely that someone always or never behaves in a certain way, and suggesting otherwise can come across as unfair or accusatory.

What’s more, these phrases can make the other person feel defensive, which can escalate the situation rather than resolve it.

Instead of using these absolute terms, try expressing your feelings without laying blame.

For instance, you might say, “I feel frustrated when this happens” rather than “You always do this”.

This approach encourages dialogue and understanding, rather than conflict – a key sign of emotional intelligence.

3) “I don’t care”

This phrase is a big no-no in the realm of emotional intelligence.

Saying “I don’t care” shuts down the conversation and shows a lack of empathy.

In my line of work and in my interactions, I’ve found that understanding and expressing genuine concern for others’ feelings and thoughts is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

It’s something I delve into deeply in my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship”.

Instead of saying “I don’t care”, try expressing your feelings in a more constructive way.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, for example, you could say, “I’m finding this situation challenging right now”.

This way, you’re communicating your feelings without invalidating the other person’s.

Remember, emotional intelligence is about understanding both your own emotions and those of others – and phrases like “I don’t care” can damage that understanding.

4) “That’s not my problem”

While it can be tempting to distance ourselves from issues that don’t directly affect us, saying “That’s not my problem” can be a clear indication of lacking emotional intelligence.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that empathy and concern for others is important.

It’s not about taking on everyone else’s problems, but about showing understanding and offering support where possible.

It encapsulates the idea, “We’re all in this together.” I’ve found this to be true in both my personal and professional life – we’re all interconnected in ways we may not even realize.

The great philosopher Socrates once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

This quote resonates with me deeply.

We never truly know what someone else is going through, and showing a little compassion can go a long way — even a simple “I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this”.

5) “Whatever”

“Whatever” is often a go-to phrase when we want to end a conversation or dismiss someone’s opinion.

But it’s a clear sign of lacking emotional intelligence.

Simply put, it shows a lack of respect for the other person’s views or feelings.

It can come off as dismissive and can create unnecessary barriers in communication.

In my own experiences, I’ve found that patience and understanding are key to effective communication.

Instead of resorting to “whatever”, try to express your thoughts and feelings in a more considerate way.

Remember, everyone has the right to their own opinion.

You might not always agree, but you can still respect their viewpoint.

This kind of understanding is at the heart of emotional intelligence.

6) “It’s just a joke”

This phrase can often be used as a cover-up for hurtful or insensitive comments.

But here’s the thing: if someone is upset or offended by something you said, dismissing it as “just a joke” isn’t going to make them feel better.

In fact, it can make things worse.

It invalidates their feelings and shows a lack of empathy – two big no-nos when it comes to emotional intelligence.

In my life, I’ve learned the importance of taking responsibility for my words and actions.

If someone is upset by something I’ve said, I try to understand their point of view and apologize if necessary.

As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This quote has always resonated with me and guides me in my interactions with others.

So next time instead of dismissing someone’s feelings with “it’s just a joke”, try acknowledging their feelings and apologizing if necessary.

It’s a small step that can make a big difference in your emotional intelligence.

For more insights on emotional intelligence and relationships, feel free to follow me on Facebook. I share my latest articles there regularly!

7) “I’m fine”

“I’m fine” is often the go-to phrase when we want to avoid discussing our feelings or problems.

But emotional intelligence requires honesty and openness, even when it’s difficult.

Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings.

It can also hinder your ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

Emotionally intelligent people understand the importance of expressing their feelings honestly.

They know that it’s okay not to be okay, and that sharing their struggles can create stronger connections with others.

When you’re tempted to say “I’m fine” when you’re really not, try being a little more honest.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it could also lead to more meaningful conversations and connections.

Wrapping it up

The power of our words can’t be underestimated.

They carry the weight of our emotions, our thoughts, our intentions.

In this article, we’ve explored some phrases that can be indicative of low emotional intelligence.

These phrases can hinder communication, invalidate feelings, or come across as dismissive or disrespectful.

As we navigate the complexities of human interaction, it’s crucial to be mindful of our words and how they may be perceived by others.

Emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey, not a destination. It’s about cultivating self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication skills.

We’ve only scratched the surface here. If you’d like to explore this topic more deeply, I highly recommend watching this insightful video by Justin Brown.

It discusses the ‘illusion of happiness’ and why chasing it can lead to misery.

It echoes many of the concepts we’ve touched on in this article about embracing life’s challenges and fostering meaningful relationships.

Remember, true contentment comes from within.

It’s about acknowledging and validating feelings – both ours and others’.

So let’s continue to learn, grow, and strive for better understanding in our interactions with others.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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