Lachlan Brown
There’s a thin line between being assertive and being toxic.
The distinction lies in understanding. Toxic people aim to overpower and control the conversation, often disregarding your opinion.
Being assertive, however, is about standing up for yourself while respecting the other person’s viewpoint.
Toxicity is often reflected in the phrases people use. And believe me, if someone uses these seven phrases in a conversation, they’ve got a difficult and toxic personality.
Let’s dive into the world of words and see how they reveal a person’s true character.
1) Always…
Navigating human interactions can sometimes feel like stepping on a landmine. The wrong word here, an inappropriate phrase there, and boom! You’ve got a toxic situation.
And trust me, people with challenging, toxic personalities often have a particular language of their own.
The first red flag? The use of absolutes.
Yes, you heard me right. When someone frequently uses the word “always”, it’s often a sign of a difficult personality.
This absolute language is used as a weapon in conversations. It paints situations and people’s actions in black and white, refusing to acknowledge the nuances of life.
“Always” is an absolute term that leaves no room for discussion or compromise. It’s reflective of a rigid mindset that sees the world in extremes, failing to appreciate the shades of grey.
If you hear this word popping up too often in your conversations with someone, you might be dealing with a difficult, toxic personality. But hey, that’s why you’re here – to understand and hopefully navigate these challenging interactions better.
2) Should…
Ah, the classic ‘should’ statement. It’s something I’ve encountered more than once in my conversations, and it’s not a pleasant experience.
People with difficult personalities often use the word ‘should’ to impose their opinions and beliefs on others. It’s a way of saying ‘my way is the right way, and you should follow it.’
I remember a time when I was discussing my career choices with an old friend. Instead of listening and providing supportive advice, he kept saying things like “You should do this” or “You shouldn’t do that.” It felt like he was trying to dictate my life rather than understand my perspective.
‘Should’ statements are not just opinionated but also carry an undertone of criticism. They imply that you’re not doing something right, which can be pretty toxic in a conversation.
3) But…
The word ‘but’ is a simple conjunction that we often use in our daily conversations. However, when used excessively or improperly, it can reveal a toxic trait.
A conversation is about sharing and understanding different perspectives. When someone constantly uses ‘but’ to counter your ideas, it shows they’re less interested in understanding your viewpoint and more inclined to impose their own.
The fascinating thing about the word ‘but’ is its psychological effect. Research in linguistics shows that people often forget what was said before the ‘but.’ So, when someone uses ‘but’ frequently, they’re subtly dismissing your thoughts and shifting focus to their own.
If you find yourself constantly on the receiving end of ‘but’ in a conversation, you might be dealing with a difficult personality. It’s a subtle sign of a toxic individual who prioritizes their thoughts over yours.
4) I don’t care…
Empathy is a cornerstone of healthy conversations and relationships. And one phrase that signals a dire lack of it is “I don’t care.”
When used casually, it might not mean much. However, when someone consistently expresses indifference towards your feelings, ideas, or experiences using this phrase, it’s a red flag.
“I don’t care” is a phrase that dismisses your thoughts and emotions. It creates an emotional disconnect and makes the conversation one-sided.
It’s important to remember that your thoughts and feelings matter, and you deserve to be heard and cared for.
5) You’re too sensitive…
This phrase takes me back to a time when I was expressing my frustrations about a situation to a friend. Instead of offering support or understanding, she retorted, “You’re too sensitive.”
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Instead of acknowledging my emotions, she invalidated them. This phrase is often used by toxic individuals to belittle your emotions and experiences. It’s a way of making you question your feelings and reactions, shifting the blame onto you.
If you find someone labeling you as ‘too sensitive’, remember it’s not about you. It’s about their inability to respect and value your emotions. It’s a classic sign of a difficult and toxic personality.
6) No offense, but…
“No offense, but…” is a phrase that rings alarm bells. It’s often a preamble to an offensive or hurtful comment, a way for the speaker to absolve themselves of any responsibility for the negative impact of their words.
The phrase is deceptive. It creates a pretense of respect and consideration, while the intent is to deliver a blow.
When someone frequently uses “No offense, but…” in conversations, it’s an indication of a difficult and toxic personality. It shows a lack of empathy and tact, and a disregard for your feelings.
7) Whatever…
The word “whatever” can be the ultimate conversation stopper. It’s a clear sign of dismissal and lack of interest in the discussion or your viewpoint.
When someone consistently uses “whatever” to end discussions or avoid addressing issues, it’s indicative of a difficult and toxic personality. It shows an unwillingness to engage in meaningful dialogue or resolve conflicts constructively.
Your thoughts and feelings are valuable. You deserve to be in conversations where your words are respected and heard.
Final thought: Words reveal the soul
The language we use is a mirror of our thoughts and our personality. It’s not just about communication; it’s about expressing who we are and how we perceive the world.
When someone uses these toxic phrases, remember that it’s a reflection of their inner state, not a commentary on your worth or abilities.
While it’s important to recognize these signs, it’s equally crucial to approach these individuals with empathy. Understanding and compassion can often be the key to navigating these challenging interactions.
In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “Compassionate listening is to help the other side suffer less.” So, even when faced with difficult personalities, remember to listen with compassion. It might not change them, but it will undoubtedly change the way you interact with them.
As you move forward, keep these phrases in mind. They are not just words; they are windows into a person’s character. And understanding them could be your first step toward healthier, more fulfilling conversations.
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