Adrian Volenik
Self-confidence is a powerful thing. Most people desire it because those that have it often have an unfair advantage in negotiations, public speaking, job interviews, decision-making, you name it.
But what if someone lacks self-confidence? How do we recognize it to take advantage of it or to improve our own?
Well, they, or us, might just use some of the following phrasesโฆ
1) โIโm not sure, butโฆโ
This phrase is a bit on the nose, isnโt it? I mean, the person saying it is acknowledging they arenโt sure about something, arenโt they?
Yet, I canโt recall how often Iโve heard it in my lifetime. Itโs definitely overused and makes the person saying it sound indecisive, insecure, uncertain, and lacking self-confidence.
I often hear it when a person hesitates to assert their knowledge or opinion. It could stem from a fear of being wrong or of not having enough information.
But one thingโs sure, this hesitancy to stand behind their thoughts might lead others to question their confidence and credibility in the matter.
2) โI guess thatโs okayโ
Expressing uncertainty in your preferences or opinions reflects a lack of confidence in your own judgment.
When you say something like that, you suggest that you donโt feel comfortable asserting your viewpoint or desires, possibly due to a fear of disagreement or rejection.
For example, when someone suggests a change in a proposal or demands that you pay them more for a work thatโs already done.
If you lack self-confidence, youโd say โI guess thatโs okayโ in order to prevent a tough conversation or negotiation that would be inevitable if you stood your ground.
3) โI donโt know what Iโm doingโ
This fairly common statement reveals self-doubt and insecurity about your abilities and decisions. It could originate from a lack of experience, fear of failure, or a constant need for validation from others.
How many times did you hear someone exclaim this? Probably many. Heck, you might have used it yourself in some occasions. I know I have.
4) โIโm not very good at thisโ
We canโt be good at everything we touch. Thatโs reserved for fictional characters like Tony Stark or Mary Poppins.
People even thought Elon Musk was this perfect self-confident individual. And while he is incredibly self-confident, itโs more and more apparent that itโs actually detrimental to his reputation (if not his money-making abilities).
He is a type of person thatโd never say โIโm not very good at this.โ
But people that do, openly state a lack of skill or proficiency and look for reassurance or theyโre downplaying their abilities.
5) โI could be wrong, butโฆโ
Prefacing statements with doubt suggests a lack of confidence in your own perspective. People use this phrase out of fear of criticism or confrontation, as the person anticipates the possibility of being challenged.
Itโs like youโre walking on eggshells around someone when you say this to them. Youโre wearing white gloves not to disturb them too much.
Hereโs a similar phrase:
6) โIโm sorry, butโฆโ
Unnecessarily apologizing while expressing yourself shows a lack of confidence in speaking up.
It implies that you feel or know that your words might inconvenience or upset others, thereby downplaying their own importance.
7) โIโm not the best person to askโ
Iโve used this phrase when I didnโt want to deal with someone. Others might use it when they have a lack of confidence in their knowledge or expertise.
They feel inadequate compared to others, leading them to avoid giving an advice or sharing their insights.
8) โIโm just lucky, I supposeโ
This is a terribly self-deprecating thing to say. It downplays personal achievements and attributes success solely to luck.
It also establishes a lack of confidence in oneโs skills and minimizes the value of their efforts.
Although you sometimes need luck to achieve or get something, itโs usually more important to be in the right place at the right time.
9) โI donโt think anyone cares, butโฆโ
Another incredibly self-diminishing thing you can say because it lessens the significance of your thoughts or opinions.
It, of course, indicates a lack of confidence in the relevance of your ideas, possibly stemming from a fear of rejection or disinterest from others.
10) โIโm just trying to get byโ
Expressing a desire to merely survive or cope suggests a lack of confidence in oneโs ability to thrive.
The person saying this has a negative self-perception or a belief that success is unattainable.
Iโve had this attitude for many years, especially during the financial crisis of 2008. As did many others, of course.
But once there was more perspective and opportunity, the mindset mostly disappeared.
11) โIโm probably overthinking itโ
If youโre saying this phrase, then youโre definitely overthinking things. It goes to show how much self-doubt is in your thought processes and decisions.
But it also reflects a lack of confidence in the ability to analyze situations effectively, leading to excessive self-criticism and hesitation.
Some people overthink, while others simply do things and donโt think things over at all. Neither way is good, obviously.
12) โI donโt want to bother you, butโฆโ
Using this phrase suggests a lack of confidence when seeking help or support. The person might even feel unworthy of assistance or fear being a burden to others. This hampers their ability to connect with and rely on those around them.
Most people arenโt the King of England that you should never disturb with your mere existence.
So if you need help, just outright say it.
13) โIโm always messing things upโ
This self-deprecating phrase points to a pattern of viewing mistakes as the norm. It suggests a lack of confidence in your competence and a tendency to focus on failures rather than successes.
While itโs true that some people just mess up everything they touch, for most people thatโs not true.
Therefore, thereโs no need for such language as it wonโt get you sympathy anyway.
14) โIโm just a beginner, soโฆโ
Being a beginner at anything sucks. You donโt have the skills, everything feels new and weird, and getting the real skills typically takes ages and a lot of dedication.
So when someone says theyโre just a beginner, they imply that their newbie status disqualifies them from fully participating or contributing.
It also suggests a lack of confidence in their potential to learn and grow.
15) โYouโre better at thisโ
When someone openly admits other person is better than them at something, theyโre looking for an out or a way to validate their work.
Openly admitting a lack of self-confidence like this, demonstrates an awareness of their insecurities.
This phrase might be an attempt to manage expectations and avoid situations that challenge their inadequacy.
Ultimately, transforming the mindset from โYouโre better at thisโ to โI can improve and succeed at thisโ results in greater self-confidence and a more positive outlook on challenges and opportunities.
Final thoughts
If youโve recognized someone in these phrases, congratulations. Youโre now one step closer to helping them, or crushing them.
Itโs up to you to decide what youโll do with this information.
But if you want to improve your self-confidence levels, start by reading 15 simple and effective ways to boost your confidence today.
