Lachlan Brown
It’s a fine line between influencing emotions and manipulating them. The key lies in the intent.
Manipulation, unlike influence, is all about controlling emotions in a sly and often deceptive manner.
Master manipulators know the power of words, using certain phrases cleverly to achieve their agenda.
In this article, we’ll uncover the 10 phrases expert manipulators use to subtly control emotions. If you hear these, be alert – you might just be dealing with a master of emotional manipulation.
1) You understand, right?
In the realm of emotional manipulation, it’s crucial to recognize when someone is using subtle coercion.
Manipulators often use phrases that corner you into agreeing with them, even when you’re not entirely sure.
Take the phrase, “You understand, right?” It’s a classic maneuver used by manipulators to make you feel like you should agree with them, even if you’re not fully on board.
This phrase has a two-fold purpose: firstly, it’s a way for the manipulator to assert their point of view as the ‘correct’ or ‘normal’ one. Secondly, it subtly pressures you to agree with them out of fear of appearing ignorant or out of touch.
The clever use of this phrase often results in the other person doubting their own viewpoint and feeling compelled to agree, even if they don’t fully understand or support the manipulator’s perspective.
If you hear this phrase, be cautious. It might be an attempt to manipulate your emotions and sway your opinion.
2) I’m only saying this because I care about you
There’s a phrase that I’ve heard quite a bit in my personal life that has always raised red flags for me: “I’m only saying this because I care about you.”
There was a time when a friend of mine used this phrase quite often. He would say things that were quite hurtful, and when I would react, he’d follow up with, “I’m only saying this because I care about you.”
It took me a while to realize that he was subtly manipulating my emotions. This phrase was his way of justifying his hurtful comments, making it seem like he only had my best interests at heart.
In reality, it was his way of controlling me – making me feel guilty for reacting, and painting himself as the ‘good guy’ who was just looking out for me.
3) It’s for your own good
The phrase “It’s for your own good” is a classic tool in the emotional manipulator’s toolkit. Interestingly, this phrase traces back to ancient times where it was used by elders or authority figures to enforce their decisions.
What makes this phrase so manipulative is its apparent altruism. It seems like the speaker is acting out of concern for your well-being. However, more often than not, this phrase is used to justify actions or decisions that are actually in the speaker’s best interest.
By claiming their actions are for your benefit, manipulators can deflect blame and criticism while simultaneously making you feel guilty for questioning their motives.
4) Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you
This phrase might appear harmless at first glance, but manipulators often use it to establish an unearned sense of trust and credibility.
“Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you” is a phrase that aims to quell any doubts or suspicions you might have. It’s a way for manipulators to assert their honesty without providing any proof or reason for you to trust them.
In fact, they’re trying to control your perception of them, steering you away from questioning their intentions or actions.
If someone frequently uses this phrase without concrete evidence to back up their claims, it’s a red flag. True trust is earned through actions and consistency, not mere words.
5) Look what you made me do
“Look what you made me do” is a classic phrase used by manipulators to shift blame and responsibility.
Manipulators are often adept at playing the victim and deflecting blame onto others. This phrase is designed to make you feel guilty for their actions or decisions, as if you are the cause of their behavior.
In reality, each person is responsible for their own actions. By using this phrase, manipulators are trying to control your emotions, making you feel accountable for their mistakes or misconduct.
Whenever you hear “Look what you made me do”, remember that it’s a manipulative tactic designed to shirk responsibility and control your feelings.
6) If you really cared, you would…
This phrase tugs at the heartstrings. “If you really cared, you would…” is a manipulative statement designed to question your feelings and commitment.
I’ve seen this phrase used in relationships, friendships, even in families. It’s a subtle way of making you feel guilty for not meeting the manipulator’s expectations or demands.
By questioning your care or love, manipulators can often get you to do what they want, simply out of a desire to prove your feelings.
Genuine care and love are not proven by complying with unreasonable demands or expectations. If someone uses this phrase against you, know that it’s a manipulation tactic, not a measure of your feelings.
7) I’m always the bad guy, aren’t I?
I’ve heard this phrase more times than I’d like to admit. “I’m always the bad guy, aren’t I?” is an emotional manipulation tactic that turns the tables, making you feel guilty for even suggesting that they’ve done something wrong.
Once, in a relationship I was in, every time we had an argument and I tried to express my feelings, this phrase would come up. It was their way of deflecting criticism and making me feel like the villain for bringing up issues.
This phrase is designed to make you question your own judgement and feelings. It’s a sly way of shifting blame, making you feel wrong for putting them in a negative light.
8) You’re just too sensitive
At first glance, this might seem like a harmless observation. But “You’re just too sensitive” is actually a masterstroke of emotional manipulation.
This phrase is used to dismiss your feelings or concerns as being overly emotional or irrational. It subtly suggests that the problem lies with you and your sensitivity, rather than the manipulator’s actions or words.
In fact, it’s a way for the manipulator to absolve themselves of any responsibility for hurting or upsetting you. Instead of addressing the issue, they make you feel like you’re overreacting.
9) I was just joking
“I was just joking” is a phrase often used by manipulators to cover up hurtful or inappropriate comments.
By dismissing their words as a joke, manipulators can say whatever they want without having to take responsibility for it. If you react negatively, they can quickly shift the blame to you for not having a sense of humor or understanding their ‘joke’.
In reality, this phrase is a way for manipulators to test boundaries and get away with offensive behavior.
If someone consistently uses this phrase after making hurtful comments, it’s a red flag. Genuine jokes don’t hurt feelings or cross boundaries.
10) I’m sorry you feel that way
This might look like an apology, but “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a manipulator’s pseudo-apology.
It’s a clever way of appearing to apologize without actually taking responsibility for their actions. The manipulator isn’t sorry for what they did; they’re sorry you’re upset about it.
This phrase invalidates your feelings and experiences, subtly shifting the blame onto you. It’s a way for manipulators to dodge accountability while maintaining their appearance of innocence.
A genuine apology acknowledges the wrong done and takes responsibility for it. Anything less isn’t a real apology – it’s manipulation.
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