Lachlan Brown
There’s something uniquely confusing about love that isn’t said out loud.
It can feel like a constant guessing game. You’re left analyzing every glance, every message, every awkward silence, hoping to find a clue. And yet, some of the deepest feelings don’t come with a grand confession—they show up in much quieter, subtler ways.
I’ve found myself stuck in that in-between space more times than I care to admit. In my 20s, I was constantly decoding texts, reading into pauses, and wondering if the silence meant disinterest or fear. Back then, I thought love had to be loud to be real.
Turns out, love doesn’t always speak in declarations. Sometimes, it whispers through actions. And if you know what to look for, those whispers say more than any words ever could.
Let’s talk about what those subtle signs might look like.
They make time for you—even when it’s inconvenient
When someone truly cares, they don’t just make time for you when it’s easy. They carve out time when it’s not.
I remember dating someone who had the most packed schedule I’ve ever seen—meetings, travel, family stuff. And yet, somehow, they’d still show up just to walk with me for ten minutes or send me a good morning voice note. It wasn’t about grand gestures. It was about consistency, even in chaos.
Looking back, those ten-minute walks meant more to me than any bouquet or weekend getaway. They reminded me that love isn’t about finding time—it’s about making it.
Love reveals itself in priorities. And when someone goes out of their way to include you in theirs? That says a lot.
They notice the little things
A friend once told me, “Love is in the details.”
I didn’t get it until I was with someone who remembered how I took my coffee, or that I always got anxious before flying. They didn’t just listen—they observed.
Once, someone I was seeing surprised me at the airport with my favorite snack—just because I mentioned offhand how nervous I got before flights. That tiny gesture stuck with me for years. It felt like love in a language I didn’t know I spoke.
When someone loves you, even silently, they pay attention. Not in a performative way, but in a quiet, steady one. They’ll pick up on your moods, habits, likes and dislikes without needing to be told twice.
Because noticing is a form of caring. And in a world full of distraction, that kind of presence is rare.
They support you in ways that feel safe, not performative
I’ve talked about this before, but real love often shows up in calm ways. It’s not always fireworks and emotional speeches—it’s someone being in your corner when you’re too tired to fight for yourself.
Maybe they check in on your job interview without making a big deal out of it. Or they help you fix your laptop, just because they know tech stresses you out. Real support often happens behind the scenes. It’s thoughtful, grounded, and tailored to who you are.
I remember one particularly hard month in my life—my business was going through chaos, and I wasn’t sleeping much. A partner at the time didn’t offer big advice or pep talks. She just quietly cooked me dinner and made space for me to vent. That support helped me more than any solution ever could.
That quiet reliability? That’s love, too.
They listen more than they speak
This one took me a while to appreciate.
In my early 20s, I thought love was about constantly proving yourself—talking, explaining, impressing. But I started to notice that the people who really cared didn’t try to fill the space. They gave me room to be. They listened without judgment.
As noted by Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, genuine love involves unconditional positive regard. In simple terms: being accepted just as you are.
These days, I notice how rare it is to feel truly heard. When someone listens with their full attention—without trying to fix or redirect—it feels like medicine. It’s something I try to practice now, especially in my closest relationships.
And if someone listens to you like that? That’s no small thing. It means they value not just your words, but your inner world.
They remember what matters to you
Here’s something I learned from Buddhist teachings—and I mention this in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: when we give someone our full presence, we start to remember what matters to them.
It’s not just memory—it’s mindfulness.
They’ll bring up a book you mentioned in passing, or surprise you with something that aligns with your values. Love without words often shows up in how someone holds space for your dreams, your fears, and even your quirky preferences.
Sometimes I catch myself remembering small things my wife mentioned weeks ago—a dish her mother used to make, or the music she played when she was sad as a kid. I don’t write them down. They just stick. Because when you really care, those things imprint themselves.
They don’t play games
People who feel love—real love—don’t tend to play hot-and-cold. They might be shy, unsure, or scared. But their behavior won’t be erratic or manipulative.
When someone is emotionally invested, even if they can’t say it out loud, they usually want clarity. They want to know where you stand. And they want you to feel secure, not confused.
I’ve been in situations where mixed signals drove me nuts. But looking back, the ones who actually loved me didn’t hide behind mind games. They may have been quiet—but they were consistent.
Consistency has become one of my biggest green flags. It’s not always romantic, but it’s incredibly grounding. If someone is steady—even in silence—it means something.
They get nervous around you (in a good way)
Ever noticed someone stumbling over their words or fidgeting when they’re around you?
That could be anxiety—or it could be affection.
According to a study in the journal Motivation and Emotion, physiological arousal (like increased heart rate or nervousness) is often linked to attraction.
So if someone seems slightly flustered around you in a charming way, that might be a sign they’re feeling something they haven’t said out loud.
They’re not trying to impress—they’re just trying not to mess it up.
And honestly, I’ve been that guy—rehearsing what to say, forgetting it the second I saw her smile. It’s endearing in hindsight, but at the time, it felt like emotional free-fall.
They do things they don’t have to do
Love makes people stretch. Not because they’re trying to earn anything—but because they genuinely want to give.
This might mean they help you move apartments, even though they hate lifting boxes. Or they show up to your friend’s birthday dinner just to be supportive. These things don’t earn them points. But they show you that your world matters to them.
It’s not about obligation—it’s about intention. And intention is where love really lives.
A few months ago, my wife stayed up helping me prep for a big media deadline—way past midnight—just so I’d feel a little less overwhelmed. That wasn’t her responsibility. But she knew what it meant to me. That’s what love looks like in real life.
Final words
We put so much pressure on the words “I love you.” But truthfully, love is less about what’s said and more about what’s shown.
If you’re sitting there wondering whether someone loves you but hasn’t said it yet—pay attention to the subtle signs. Not the loud ones. Not the romantic movie gestures. But the quiet moments where their behavior says: “You matter to me.”
Maybe they haven’t found the courage to say the words. Or maybe they show love in a different language. Either way, their actions will leave breadcrumbs—if you know where to look.
And remember: the most powerful love is often the kind that moves without needing to speak.
Trust the energy. It rarely lies.
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