If someone is secretly attracted to you, they’ll usually display these 8 subtle behaviors

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Understanding attraction can be tricky, especially when it’s hidden beneath layers of subtlety.

It’s me, Tina Fey, your trusted relationship expert and founder of the Love Connection blog. I’m here to help you unravel these mysteries.

In my experience, when someone is secretly attracted to you, they’re likely to show certain behaviors. Subtle signs that might just pass you by if you’re not paying close attention.

This article will reveal the 8 subtle behaviors that often signify a secret attraction. My hope? To help you navigate the complex world of hidden feelings and potential love interests.

Let’s get started. 

1) Body language tells a tale

When it comes to attraction, actions often speak louder than words.

Body language is one of those subtle behaviors that can reveal a lot about someone’s feelings. It’s like a secret code, hidden in plain sight, waiting to be deciphered.

You see, when someone is secretly attracted to you, their body language tends to change in specific ways. They might lean in closer when talking, maintain eye contact for longer, or even mirror your gestures.

It’s like a dance, with each move revealing a bit more about their feelings. But remember, it’s all about context and consistency. A single gesture might not mean much, but if you notice a pattern, there might be something more.

When you’re with that certain someone, pay attention to their body language. It might just hold the key to their hidden emotions.

Remember though, it’s always important to respect personal boundaries – no matter what their body language might suggest.

2) They listen – really listen

In my years as a relationship expert, one thing has become abundantly clear – when someone is attracted to you, they’ll make an effort to truly listen.

It’s not just about hearing your words. It’s about showing genuine interest in your thoughts, your experiences, and your feelings. They remember the little things you mention in passing and bring them up later.

Ernest Hemingway once said, “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” True listening is a rare gift, and if someone is giving you this gift, it might be a subtle sign of their attraction.

When you’re in a conversation, see if they’re really tuning in or just waiting for their turn to speak. Their level of interest might just reveal more than their words ever could.

3) They find reasons to be near you

Attraction often leads to a desire for proximity. When someone is secretly attracted to you, they’ll usually find reasons to be near you.

Maybe they always seem to be in the break room when you are. Or perhaps they “accidentally” bump into you at your favorite coffee shop.

It’s almost like an invisible magnet is pulling them towards you. They can’t help but want to share the same space, even if they’re too shy to start a conversation.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss how this desire for proximity can sometimes turn into unhealthy attachment. It’s important to recognize the difference between healthy attraction and codependency.

When you notice that certain someone always seems to be around, take note. It might just be one of those subtle signs of secret attraction.

4) They may seem distant at times

Now, this one might seem counterintuitive, but hear me out.

Sometimes, when someone is secretly attracted to you, they might actually seem distant or aloof. It’s not that they’re not interested – quite the opposite.

You see, the fear of rejection can be overwhelming. And sometimes, it’s easier to pull back and protect oneself than risk showing feelings and getting hurt.

So if you notice someone being hot and cold around you, don’t rush to conclusions. It might not be disinterest, but a sign of hidden attraction masked by fear.

Human emotions can be complex and confusing. It’s always best to communicate openly if you sense mixed signals. Let them know it’s safe to express their feelings around you.

5) They laugh at your jokes

This one takes me back to when I first met my husband. I’m not the funniest person on the planet, but he always laughed at my jokes – even the really bad ones.

When someone is secretly attracted to you, they’ll often find your sense of humor more appealing than others do. It’s like they’re tuned into your unique comedy frequency.

They’ll laugh at your jokes, your funny stories, and even your cheesy puns. Why? Because attraction amplifies the positives and downplays the negatives.

The next time you throw out a joke or a funny comment, watch their reaction. If they’re always laughing along, it might be a sign of secret attraction.

Laughter is not just the best medicine; it can also be a subtle indicator of romantic interest!

6) Their friends know about you

Let’s be raw and honest here. When you’re interested in someone, you can’t help but talk about them to your friends.

It’s a sneaky little sign, but when someone is secretly attracted to you, their friends often know about you. You might find out that they know things about you that you’ve never told them directly.

This is because the person who’s attracted to you can’t help but share their feelings with their friends. They might be seeking advice, validation, or just an outlet to express their emotions.

If their friends seem oddly familiar with your life details or if they give you knowing looks, it might just mean that someone in their circle is secretly attracted to you.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. It whispers our secrets to those we trust the most.

7) They remember the small details

This one reminds me of a quote by Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

When someone is secretly attracted to you, they’ll often remember the small details about you — the name of your childhood pet, your favorite ice cream flavor, or that story you once told about your first concert.

Why? Because they’re genuinely interested in who you are as a person. They take these little bits of information to heart, possibly daydreaming about them or using them to feel closer to you.

In my own life, I remember being amazed at how my husband could recall even the most trivial conversations we had early in our relationship. It was one of the signs that told me he was genuinely interested in me.

If someone seems to have a memory like a steel trap when it comes to details about you, take note. It may be one of the subtle signs that they’re more than just casually interested in you.

8) They show vulnerability

Let’s get real here. Vulnerability isn’t easy. It’s like standing naked in front of someone, baring your soul.

When someone is secretly attracted to you, they might let their guard down and show you their vulnerable side. Maybe they share personal stories or express emotions that they don’t usually show to others.

This is a big deal, and it’s often a subtle sign of attraction. They trust you enough to show you their true self, warts and all.

But keep in mind, this is delicate territory. Treat their vulnerability with respect and kindness. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Courage is not having the strength to go on; it’s going on when you don’t have the strength.”

When someone opens up to you, don’t dismiss it. It might just be a sign of secret attraction.


And there you have it, the 8 subtle behaviors that can signal secret attraction. Remember, these signs can vary from person to person, and context is key. Always consider the situation and use your best judgement.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into understanding and managing complex emotions in relationships. It’s a great resource if you’re looking to navigate your love life with more clarity and confidence.

Thanks for reading and remember, love is a beautiful journey, not a destination. Happy decoding!

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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