Love can be a complicated business. I’m Tina Fey, founder of the Love Connection blog and a relationship expert. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that love doesn’t always shout from the rooftops. Sometimes, it quietly walks out the back door.
Falling out of love is often a silent process, marked by subtle signs that are easy to miss. If you know what to look for, though, you can spot these signs and take action before it’s too late.
In this article, I’m going to share with you the eight subtle behaviors that usually indicate someone is slowly falling out of love. Because understanding these signs can save a lot of heartache down the line.
1) Lessened Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of non-verbal communication. It’s a way we humans connect, express interest, and show affection.
In a loving relationship, partners usually maintain substantial eye contact. It’s a way of saying ‘I see you, I value you, and I’m interested in you.’
However, when someone is falling out of love, this can change subtly. The long gazes may become fleeting glances. The undivided attention might turn into absentminded stares.
It’s a small change, but it can be a telling one. If your partner is maintaining less eye contact with you than they used to, it might be a sign that their feelings are shifting.
Everyone has off days, so don’t jump to conclusions based on one isolated incident. Look for consistent changes over time to understand the bigger picture.
2) Less Physical Affection
A hug, a gentle touch on the arm, a kiss on the forehead – these are all little ways we show our love for our partners. As a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that these small gestures of affection tend to decrease when someone is falling out of love.
It makes sense. Physical affection is a way of expressing love and intimacy. When those feelings start to fade, the physical connection often does too.
I’m reminded of a quote by American poet Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” It’s true in relationships too. The absence of these small physical gestures can leave a person feeling less loved and valued.
Again, look for consistent patterns over time. We all have moments where we’re less physically expressive due to stress or tiredness. But if your partner regularly pulls away from your touch or doesn’t initiate physical affection as much as they used to, it might be worth having a conversation.
3) Lack of Interest in Shared Activities
Sharing activities or hobbies is a great way to bond and stay connected in a relationship. When someone starts losing interest in these shared activities, it can indicate a decrease in emotional connection.
In my years of experience and research, which I’ve detailed in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I’ve learned that a shared interest is often the glue that holds a relationship together.
If your partner is suddenly less enthusiastic about the activities you used to enjoy together, or they start pursuing new hobbies without including you, it might be a subtle sign that their feelings are changing.
Remember, it’s healthy for partners to have individual interests too. However, if shared activities are consistently pushed aside, it’s worth opening up a dialogue to understand why.
4) Increased Niceness
This might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes, a person falling out of love may actually become nicer to their partner.
You might be wondering why.
Well, it’s often out of guilt. They may feel bad about their changing feelings and try to compensate by being extra kind and considerate. It’s as if they’re trying to make up for the love they no longer feel.
So, if your partner suddenly starts showering you with unexpected kindness and generosity, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. But if it feels out of character and isn’t accompanied by the emotional intimacy you’re used to, it might be a subtle sign of them falling out of love.
Remember though, every individual and relationship is unique. Always communicate openly with your partner about any changes or concerns.
5) More Time Spent Alone
Time spent alone is crucial for personal growth and self-care. But there’s a difference between healthy solitude and withdrawing from a relationship.
In my own life, I’ve noticed that when I’m deeply in love, I naturally want to share more of my time with my partner. On the flip side, if someone is falling out of love, they may start carving out more ‘me time’, often at the expense of ‘we time’.
This can manifest as them spending more time alone in another room, going out without you more often, or even taking solo trips.
While it’s important to respect each other’s need for personal space, if you notice a significant shift in how much time your partner wants to spend alone, it might be worth having a heart-to-heart about it.
6) Less Emotional Vulnerability
When we love someone, we let them see us – the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s the beauty of a deep connection. We’re able to be raw, honest, and emotionally vulnerable with our partner.
But when someone starts falling out of love, they often close off emotionally. They might stop sharing their fears, dreams, or daily trivialities with you. It’s as if a wall goes up, protecting them from being too emotionally exposed.
This can be one of the most painful signs to witness. Suddenly, you feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
Remember, emotional vulnerability is key to intimacy. If your partner has stopped opening up to you like they used to, it could be an indication that their feelings are changing. It might be time to have an open and honest conversation about where your relationship stands.
7) Change in Communication Style
Communication is the lifeline of any relationship. As a relationship expert, I’ve seen time and again, how a shift in communication style often signals a shift in feelings.
When someone is falling out of love, their communication with you might become less frequent, more formal, or lack the warmth it once had. They might avoid deep conversations or steer clear of topics that could lead to emotional discussions.
It reminds me of a quote by George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” In love, when communication changes, it’s often because one party feels they are no longer being heard or understood.
If you notice such changes in your partner’s communication, don’t ignore them. It’s crucial to address these issues before they snowball into bigger problems.
8) Less Future Planning
When we’re in love, we naturally want to include our partner in our future plans. We talk about next month, next year, and even the next decade with them in it.
But when someone starts falling out of love, they might shy away from making future plans. Suddenly, they’re uncertain about the vacation you wanted to take next summer or they seem vague about where they see the relationship going.
It can sting to realize that your partner is no longer planning a future with you in it. It’s a raw and honest sign that their feelings might have changed.
Remember, it’s okay to ask your partner directly about their thoughts on the future. Open communication can help clear misunderstandings and pave the way for an honest discussion about your relationship.
Conclusion
Falling out of love is a gradual process, marked by subtle behaviors. But if you know what to look for, these signs can help you understand what’s happening before it’s too late.
It’s important to remember that every relationship is unique and these signs are not definitive proof. They’re merely indicators that something might be amiss.
Open communication is key. If you notice these behaviors in your partner, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Honest conversations can lead to understanding and resolution.
For more insights into relationships and overcoming challenges, feel free to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Remember, love might be complicated, but together, we can navigate its twists and turns.
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