If someone is playing mind games with you, they’ll usually display these 8 subtle behaviors

Mind games can be tricky to spot. They’re often subtle, shrouded in sweet words and seemingly innocent actions. But, as the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast, I’ve learned a thing or two about the subtle signs that someone is playing mind games with you.

In this article, I’m sharing with you eight behaviors that typically indicate someone’s attempting to manipulate your thoughts or actions. And trust me, once you know what to look for, these mind games become much easier to navigate.

Let’s get started. 

1. They’re masters at gaslighting

Gaslighting is a powerful mind game that involves making someone question their reality or perception of situations. It’s a form of manipulation that can be incredibly subtle, often leaving the person on the receiving end feeling confused and doubtful about their own experiences.

As a mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve come to understand how gaslighting can leave someone feeling disoriented, questioning their sanity. It’s all about power and control. The person manipulating often aims to make you doubt your own memory, perception, or judgment.

The most common signs of gaslighting include denial of events or conversations, contradicting information, and making you question your own memory or sanity.

The danger of gaslighting is that it’s not always obvious. The manipulator might act caring and concerned while subtly planting seeds of doubt.

Gaslighting is a slow form of brainwashing that intentionally makes another person doubt their reality.

2. They’re inconsistent with their words and actions

Inconsistency is another telltale sign of someone playing mind games. One moment, they’re all sweet and loving, and the next, they’re cold and distant. The constant flip-flopping can leave you feeling on edge, never knowing where you stand.

Let me share a personal example. A few years back, I had a friend who was incredibly inconsistent in his behavior. One day, he’d be all enthusiastic about a project we were working on together, and the next day, he’d act as if it was the worst idea ever. His inconsistent behavior made me question my own decisions and abilities. It was draining – both emotionally and mentally.

When it comes to mind games, mixed messages are often part of the manipulator’s toolkit.

If you’re dealing with someone whose words don’t match their actions, chances are they might be messing with your mind.

3. They often play the victim

Playing the victim is a classic move in the playbook of manipulators. It’s a strategy designed to elicit sympathy and divert attention away from their manipulative behavior.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I discuss how the ego can play a significant role in manipulative behavior. Often, people who engage in mind games have learned that playing the victim gives them power. They manipulate situations to appear as if they’ve been wronged or hurt, hoping to evoke empathy and support.

A personal example might look like this: A person consistently shows up late for appointments and meetings, leaving you frustrated. Yet when you confront them, they turn it around on you, claiming that you’re being unreasonable or overly strict.

Manipulators often play the victim role (‘poor me’) to deflect blame and to elicit compassion and thereby get something from another.

4. They use guilt trips

Guilt trips are another common tool in the manipulator’s toolkit. They’re designed to make you feel bad about something, thereby influencing your decisions or actions.

Manipulators often use guilt trips to make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. They might say things like, “If you really cared about me, you would do this” or “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”

By making you feel guilty, they’re attempting to control your actions and decisions. It’s a form of psychological manipulation that can be very subtle and hard to recognize.

Recognizing when someone is trying to guilt trip you is the first step in resisting this form of psychological manipulation.

When you sense a guilt trip coming on, take a moment to assess the situation from a logical perspective. Ask yourself, “Is this person trying to make me feel guilty for something that isn’t my fault or responsibility?”. By doing so, you’re less likely to fall into their manipulative traps.

5. They pretend ignorance

This one might surprise you, but pretending ignorance is actually a subtle and effective way of playing mind games. By feigning ignorance or playing dumb, the manipulator avoids taking responsibility for their actions and often leaves you feeling guilty or confused.

It’s like this: Imagine you’re dealing with a colleague who consistently misses deadlines. When you confront them, they act shocked, claiming they didn’t know about the deadlines or misunderstood the task. This puts you in a difficult position. You’re left second-guessing yourself and wondering if you communicated effectively.

This form of psychological manipulation is called “strategic incompetence.” It’s a clever way to evade responsibility while making others feel guilty or incompetent.

6. They are passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressiveness is a classic sign of manipulation. It’s a covert way of expressing hostility or resentment without direct confrontation.

Passive-aggressive behavior can take many forms, from subtle comments, sarcastic remarks, to deliberate failure in doing tasks, or procrastination. This behavior is often used to avoid direct confrontation while still expressing discontent or anger.

The trouble with passive-aggressiveness is that it can be hard to identify. You’re left feeling uncomfortable or upset but can’t quite put your finger on why.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be a simple as a spiteful remark…or as complex as a lifetime of manipulative behavior.

If you consistently feel uneasy or upset after interacting with someone but can’t identify why, they might be using passive-aggressive behavior as a mind game. Always trust your instincts and don’t ignore subtle signs of hostility.

7. They give silent treatment

Silent treatment is a manipulative tactic that can be incredibly damaging. It involves ignoring or refusing to communicate with someone as a form of punishment or control.

In one situation, I was dealing with someone who would just withdraw and go silent whenever there was a disagreement. No matter how much I tried to communicate or understand their point of view, they would simply shut down. This left me feeling frustrated, unheard, and desperate for resolution.

The silent treatment can create a sense of anxiety, uncertainty, and a desperate desire to resolve the problem – often leading the person on the receiving end to become overly accommodating or apologetic.

8. They twist the truth

Twisting the truth or distorting facts is another common strategy used in mind games. By manipulating the truth, the person can control the narrative to suit their own needs or goals.

Manipulators often twist the truth to create confusion and doubt. They may exaggerate facts, omit important details, or outright lie about events or situations. The aim is to make you doubt your own memory, perception, or judgment.

This form of manipulation can be incredibly disorienting and damaging. It can make you question your reality and undermine your confidence in your own perceptions.

Manipulators lie, distort facts and shift blame to keep you off balance…Their truth is their reality.”

If you notice that someone consistently twists the truth or creates their own version of reality, beware. It’s a clear sign of mind games.

Final thoughts: It’s all about self-awareness

Understanding the subtle signs of mind games is crucial in navigating our relationships effectively. It helps us protect ourselves from manipulation and allows us to confront or distance ourselves from those who play these games.

Remember, recognizing these behaviors is just the first step. The next is deciding how to deal with them. You might choose to distance yourself, confront the person, or seek help from a trusted friend or professional.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the importance of self-awareness and mindfulness in identifying and dealing with manipulative behaviors. The tools and strategies I share can help you navigate such situations with greater clarity and confidence.

Ultimately, it’s about empowering yourself to stand your ground against manipulation and mind games. As you develop this awareness and assertiveness, you’ll find that these mind games lose their power over you.

As renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So, keep these signs in mind as you interact with others. Recognize the patterns, understand the tactics, and take control of your own narrative.