If someone does these 12 things on a first date, they want more than just a hookup

Modern dating is… well…

It’s hard. Overall, it’s honestly quite a massive headache. 

One particular problem that I’ve seen many women complain about is how many men are indirect with their intentions. It’s unclear whether they want a serious relationship or something more casual.

There can be all sorts of reasons for this. Maybe some of them feel like they’ll seem “uncool” or desperate. 

Maybe some of them just aren’t good at communicating. Maybe some of them don’t even know what they want themselves!

It can be confusing and frustrating—I know; I’ve been there.

The best thing you can do? Learn how to read his behavior.

Look out for these. Because if someone does these 12 things on a first date, they want more than just a hookup.

1) You don’t notice red flags straight away

Look, no one is perfect. I believe everyone has their beige or orange flags—you know, more minor flaws.

Red flags, though? Run.

If you notice that he’s rude to the waiter in the restaurant you dine at or if he’s been overly intrusive about your private life details–trust your intuition and don’t move further.

Men like this tend to be emotionally immature, and they don’t know what they want or how to communicate with women.

And so, more often than not, they just want some quick physical gratification.

And finally, if you see some red flags from the start–trust me, there’s more out there!

Now, just because he’s waving green flags doesn’t necessarily mean he wants something long-term, though. He can be a great guy, but he still wants something more casual.

But with him, you’ll at least know that immediately!

2) You feel safe around him

And perhaps the most important green flag of all: he makes you feel safe and comfortable. 

This isn’t just a matter of coincidence or even natural chemistry, though it’s part of it.

When you feel safe with a man, it’s because he’s intentionally trying to make you feel safe.


Well, because he wants something more serious with you!

If he only wanted to have casual sex, he wouldn’t have cared about how you felt.

3) He wants to know more about you

If a guy just wants to get laid, that’s all he’ll mostly care about.

He doesn’t want to know you better—all he wants is your body!

Does he ask a lot of questions?

Is he keen on doing things with you that allow you to get to know each other on a deeper level?

Is he down to see you even if you gave him a hint it won’t lead to sex?

Then he probably wants something more than a hook-up buddy.

4) He’s really nice to you

Listen, girl, did this man:

  • Talk to you politely?
  • Cover the bill?
  • Buy you flowers?
  • Open the door for you?
  • Wait for you to finish before talking?
  • Respect your boundaries?

If so, then he probably genuinely likes you and wants a serious relationship because some guys won’t even bother being nice to a girl they just want to have sex with. 

They’ll think that everyone wants to sleep with them, so they won’t make an effort to be kind.

Look for those men who do.

5) Your date goes longer than you expected

A guy who just wants sex will likely rush to sex.

But if he’s genuinely interested in you as a woman and a potential partner, they’ll take their time. 

As we said above, they’ll actually try to get to know you. It also shows how they want to spend time with you doing non-sexual things.

If he asks if you could stay a bit longer or do some other thing (like getting dessert after dinner), then he probably really likes you.

And, when he does ask for a second date, pay attention: does he insinuate that he wants sex? If not, then that’s a massive green flag for all you relationship-hunters.

6) He takes his time

Okay, we’ve already established that asking for a second date is obviously a sign of true interest. However, pay attention to the way he’s asking for it.

Is he trying to escalate too quickly by being too flirty, romantic, or sexual? Is he asking for a second date the day after or incredibly soon?

Then he likely wants to get sex ASAP. He may not ask for it directly on the second or even third date, but he wants to close the gap between you as quickly as he can.

But if he just asks to see you again in general—and sets a reasonable time frame for it—then it’s a sign that he’s pursuing you more generally.

Pay attention to the other things he says, too.

Is he inviting you over to a restaurant or an activity that he knows you’ll like based on what you’ve told him during the first date? 

Yup, that guy is listening attentively!

But if he puts in little to no effort into the date, then all he’s seeking is another opportunity to bed you.

7) He calls you after the date just because

Some men call just for the hot times. But some men will call you after the date because they:

  • Want to talk to you more;
  • Want to extend your date;
  • Want to know more about your life;
  • Want to remind you that they’re thinking of you;
  • Want to remind you of their existence;
  • Miss your voice;
  • Want to know how you’re feeling.

It applies to texting, too! Essentially, if he’s showing care and interest in you as a whole person after the date, then he likely also wants a more serious relationship.

8) He gives you undivided attention

If you’re just on your first date and you notice him looking at other girls, then it’s a sign that all he wants is sex

And not even just sex with you! All he wants is sex, period.

But if he’s really keen on you, if he really wants you as a girlfriend, then he will give you all his attention. That goes for both during and after the date.

He will reply and make his presence felt, even if he’s a busy professional.

Trust me, I’ve dated guys who were incredibly busy before. These people were working up to a hundred hours a week! 

And while they did reply far more sporadically, they still made the effort to give me attention and affection.

9) He doesn’t make a move

Simple, right? If he doesn’t ask for sex, then he probably wants to take his time, too.

Sure, more experienced macho boys will try to reverse-psychology you by saying no to sex in the start, and then pursuing it aggressively later on, but these are niche cases.

So if you…

  • Find yourselves in a hot and steamy mood;
  • Find yourselves at your or his place;
  • Ask for sex yourself.

…and he still doesn’t make a move on you or says no to sex?

Then, this is a strong sign that he really sees you as girlfriend material. He doesn’t want to ruin your first impression of him by moving too quickly.

This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t find you sexually attractive, however. He just wants to be careful. He only wants to do it when he thinks the time is perfect for both of you.

So it’s also more special when it does happen, doesn’t it?

10) He doesn’t hide his social media

Most men don’t want to share their social media pages with the girls they see on the first date. After all, they don’t know if you’ll ever see each other again, especially if they’re looking for a hookup only.

But if he wasn’t hiding his social media pages and actually added you as a friend, then it’s a good sign that he wants you as an actual girlfriend.

It means that he sincerely wants you to enter his world!

11) He Is honest with you

Men who want to build a truly loving and healthy relationship with you will be honest and transparent with you from the get-go. 

Right from the very first date!

This, of course, includes his intentions and feelings about you. He will outright tell you if he sees a legitimate future with you as serious, committed lovers.

On the other hand, men who just want sex tend to be more manipulative. They will use shady flirtation tactics (that border on psychological manipulation!) to get you in bed.

If you feel like you’re being used or controlled, then that’s a sign that he just wants to have his way with you in bed.

But if things feel light, free-flowing, and authentic, then he’s probably interested in a relationship.

12) He’s emotionally available

Men who just want hookups feel no desire or need to connect on a deeper level.

They will put little effort into getting to know you, nor will they open up about their inner lives. He will just try to impress you to get you as attracted as possible (and then lure you into sex).

Men who want true love, however, fully know that you can only get true love by being open and sincere with each other.

So if he’s emotionally available and opens up in a mature, healthy way (and listens to you when you do the same) on the very first date, then he’s laying the foundation for the relationship he wants to have with you.

The final note

Dating can be stressful, if not outright hellish.

That’s why it’s so important to be upfront about your intentions yourself—even if your date isn’t.

Always look out for these signs and remember to never fall for “potential.” Trust me, what you see is what you get. There is no “fixing” someone or waiting for them to improve.

You deserve better. So if what you want is a serious relationship (and there’s nothing wrong with wanting casual flings too), always pay attention if the men you’re dating are displaying these signs.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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