If someone does these 9 things, they’re probably not your true friend

We all have friends, right?

But sometimes, it’s hard to know who’s really there for you.

How can you tell if someone is a true friend or just pretending?

Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.

In this article, we’re going to look at 9 signs that show someone probably isn’t your real friend.

Keep reading so you know what to watch out for.

1. They Talk, But Don’t Listen

Ever find yourself pouring your heart out, only to realize the other person is just waiting for their turn to speak?

If your “friend” is always talking about themselves and never seems interested in your life, that’s a red flag.

True friends listen. They care about what you’re going through, not just what’s happening in their own world.

A one-sided friendship where you’re just an audience isn’t real friendship at all.

2. They Bail on You Last Minute

We’ve all been there. You’ve got plans to hang out, maybe catch a movie or grab some food, and you’re pumped.

Then, out of nowhere, they cancel. Again.

I get it, stuff happens. But if this becomes a pattern, it’s time to rethink the friendship.

True friends respect your time and don’t leave you hanging. They’re excited to see you, not looking for reasons to bail.

If someone keeps flaking on you, it might be time to flake on them, too.

3. They Always Agree With You

Hold up, isn’t agreeing a good thing? Not always.

If your “friend” is always nodding and never challenges your ideas or decisions, be cautious.

True friendship isn’t just about high-fives and “You go, girl!” moments. It’s about growth, and sometimes that means hearing things you might not want to hear.

Real friends care enough to be honest, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

If someone’s always telling you what you want to hear, they’re probably more interested in being liked than in being a true friend.

4. They Gossip About Others To You

Look, if they’re spilling the tea about someone else today, what makes you think you won’t be tomorrow’s hot topic?

Gossip is like fire; it spreads and burns everything it touches.

If your “friend” loves sharing secrets and talking trash about other people, how can you trust them with your own stuff?

The truth is, you can’t.

Real friends respect confidentiality. They build you up and don’t bring others down just for the fun of it.

Being the go-to person for gossip might feel good for a minute, but it’s toxic in the long run.

5. They Make Plans Without You

You open up Instagram and there it is: a group photo of your “friends” hanging out. Only problem? You weren’t invited.

Now, nobody owes anyone an invitation to every outing. People have different groups of friends and that’s cool.

But if you keep finding out about hangouts, trips, or parties after the fact—and it starts to feel like you’re being left out on purpose—it stings, doesn’t it?

A real friend includes you. They want to share experiences with you, not keep you in the dark.

If this happens a lot, maybe it’s time to ask yourself if you’re just an option to them while they’re a priority to you.

6. They’re Always There During the Bad Times

Wait a minute, isn’t a friend supposed to be there for you when things go south? Yes, but hear me out.

If someone’s only around when you’re struggling but disappears when things are good, something’s off.

It might seem like they’re being supportive, but sometimes people thrive on drama. They want to be the “rescuer” because it makes them feel important.

Real friends celebrate your victories, too. They’re happy when you’re happy and don’t just stick around for the tough chapters.

If the friendship feels like it’s built on your problems, maybe the friendship is the problem.

7. They Never Apologize

Mistakes happen in every friendship; we’re all human.

But if you notice that your “friend” never says “sorry” when they’ve messed up, that’s a big deal.

It’s like they’re putting their ego above your feelings. And that’s not cool.

Real friends know how to admit when they’re wrong. They value the friendship more than being right or winning an argument.

No one’s perfect, but saying “sorry” goes a long way in showing someone cares.

8. They Only Call When They Need Something

Ever notice that some people remember you exist only when they need a favor? Like, suddenly they’re blowing up your phone, but the last time they checked in was… never?

Maybe they need help moving, or they want to borrow something. It almost feels like you’re on their “Use in Case of Emergency” list.

When things are good on their end, they’re MIA. But the moment they need something, they know your number by heart.

Real friends don’t treat you like a tool in their shed, only pulling you out when they need to fix something. They’re around because they genuinely enjoy your company, not because you’re useful.

If you’re feeling like a 24/7 helpline but never the one being helped, it’s time to reconsider that friendship.

9. They Don’t Celebrate Your Successes

You landed that job, got into that school, or finally achieved that goal you’ve been working on. You’re excited and want to share the good news.

But instead of being happy for you, your “friend” downplays it or, worse, ignores it altogether.

A real win feels less like a win when you can’t share it with the people you care about, right?

Real friends are your biggest cheerleaders. They’re genuinely thrilled when something good happens in your life.

If someone can’t be happy for you, then maybe they’re not happy with themselves—and that’s not a friendship, that’s a competition.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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