Clifton Kopp
When you have genuine emotional maturity, it’s almost like you have a superpower.
You can read people and situations effectively, navigating through life with far greater grace and success.
So if you want to increase your emotional maturity as an individual, then I’d say that’s certainly a worthy goal.
But first things first. You have to have a solid idea of the signs.
In this article, I’ll take you through the core traits of a truly emotionally mature person.
Once you get a clearer idea of things, you can start making the necessary adjustments.
Let’s get to it!
1) Self-awareness
Self-awareness and emotional maturity go hand-in-hand.
When you’re emotionally mature you tend to have a heightened awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
You have a firm knowledge of your strengths and weaknesses in life.
You know what cause and effect means; that your actions can affect others and yourself too.
Imagine if you owned a company that employed people.
If you had no self-awareness as a boss, perhaps by being highly critical of your staff or not being open to feedback, company morale would tank.
When you’re self-aware though, you know that your actions hold weight, and thus you act accordingly, say by taking responsibility for actions rather than blaming–a practice people will always respect.
2) Self-regulation
It takes a ton of character to be composed in challenging situations.
It takes a lot of emotional maturity too.
It’s easy to panic and melt down when life gets stressful.
After all, stress can sometimes feel overwhelming, and not many of us know how to efficiently process those feelings and emotions.
An emotionally mature person will always tend to be able to self-regulate when things get out of hand.
This, in turn, makes them assets in life.
That’s not to say they don’t have strong emotions (they do), but rather, they have enough self-control to express and act on these emotions without losing their cool and taking their angst out on other people.
My ex had almost no threshold for stress.
When she would get stressed or annoyed, say by arguing with customer service on the phone, she’d take her frustrations out on me.
From being pleasant and engaging minutes before, she’d turn into mean and irritable with me.
She didn’t know how to self-regulate her emotions at the time, and thus instead of dealing with things maturely, I became a regular scapegoat–something that hugely contributed to our fallout as a couple.
Live and learn.
3) Empathy
People who don’t have emotional maturity also often lack empathy.
They can be self-absorbed, as the majority of their energy is focused inward.
Many people who lack empathy only want to get ahead and are willing to trample on anyone in their path without looking back.
Empathetic people have the distinct ability to see things from other people’s perspective, they’re able to identify their struggles and respond with compassion and kindness.
A lot of people claim to be empathetic (i.e. politicians), but they ultimately end up falling short.
If only there was more empathy in the world, we’d surely be living in a far more harmonious place. Don’t you think?
4) Resilience
Generally speaking, emotionally mature people aren’t defeatists.
They tend to understand that life is a rollercoaster, one full of inevitable ups and downs.
And hence, they’ve developed an ability to bounce back when things don’t quite go their way.
I know people who will give up at the first appearance of struggle or setback.
Not a resilient person though. They will “fall down seven times and stand up eight.”
Not only that; they have the unique skill of identifying failures as distinct opportunities to learn and grow–and come back stronger.
When you’re genuinely resilient and persistent, you tend to get what you want in life.
5) Open-mindedness
Rather than be rigid and inflexible, emotionally mature people often keep an open mind and flexible attitude towards change.
Many people of a certain generation might close off to new ways of thinking or doing things, remaining stubbornly and permanently stuck in their ways.
We all have an older relative (or five) who deplores change, since for them “Why change? This is the way it’s always been!”
Emotionally mature people understand that change in this universe is constant.
They understand that true growth means evolving attitudes and behaviors and being open to them.
6) Good communication skills
Not being able to communicate effectively can be incredibly frustrating.
You’ll constantly expect the people around you to have to read between the lines–and if they don’t, or if they misinterpret you, resentment can build.
So if you can’t communicate properly, consider that a liability in life. Start working on it.
To effectively get through the everyday trials and tribulations of life, say a problem at the workplace or relationship issues, having good communication is critical.
Emotionally mature people can express their thoughts and feelings with clarity, while also being able to listen actively to others–a stellar combination.
7) Realistic optimism
I have a good friend who has always been, for lack of a better term, “a toxic optimist.”
He often takes on so much, from business opportunities to making plans with friends, that he consistently ends up stretching himself too thin, disenchanting many people when he falls short.
He convincingly promises them the world, but when the time comes, he often fails to deliver.
In a sense, he means well; I sincerely believe that when he makes his promises, he means it.
He just lacks the emotional maturity to be objectively realistic about what’s achievable and what isn’t.
One of the hallmarks of genuine emotional maturity is having that balance.
8) The ability to set boundaries
Emotionally mature people don’t often engage in people-pleasing behaviors.
They have dignity and their actions will generally reflect that.
They’ll set personal boundaries for themselves, as well as understand and respect the boundaries of other people.
If you have no real boundaries, then, unfortunately, many people will tend to catch on quickly and try to exploit the situation for their own benefit.
So put your foot down, and claim your autonomy as a person in the world.
Once you know how to say a firm but respectful “no”, and have a real understanding of protecting yourself and your dignity, it’s safe to say that you’re probably emotionally mature.
