Nato Lagidze
Think about when you were a kid. Those days could be awesome or tough, and sometimes the tough parts stick with us.
Some people had it rough when they were little, and it can show up in how they act now.
I’m not saying that if someone acts a certain way, they definitely had a hard time as a kid. People are all different, and there’s no one answer for everyone.
Yet, sometimes you can spot signs that someone might have had a lot of challenges early on.
In this article, we’re gonna take a look at 8 things you might notice in people who didn’t have the easiest childhoods.
Just keep in mind – no matter what happened when someone was younger, it’s always possible to make things better now.
1) Difficulty in trusting others
Trust is a tricky thing.
When you’re a little kid and the people around you let you down, it can be hard to shake that off.
Adults who had a tough time trusting people when they were younger might still feel the same way now.
They might not open up easily or get nervous when someone gets too close.
It’s like they’ve built a little fort around themselves – and who can blame them?
The thing is that if someone grew up in an unstable or unpredictable environment, they might have developed a sense of caution and wariness towards others.
This could be because they learned early on that people can’t always be relied upon.
But guess what?
This doesn’t mean they’re incapable of trusting. Instead, they just need more time and proof before they let their guard down.
2) Constantly seeking approval
Now, this one is a big issue.
I mean, if someone constantly seeks validation or approval from others, it could be a sign that they didn’t receive enough positive reinforcement during their formative years.
Let me explain how this works:
Growing up, sometimes our achievements get overlooked or we feel unappreciated.
As a result, we often develop a habit of seeking external validation.
In psychology, the term “external validation” is like needing a thumbs-up from other people to feel okay about ourselves.
It’s when we rely on others to tell us we’re doing great, or we’re good enough.
Think about it like this:
When you were a kid, if you did something cool and nobody noticed, it kinda felt like it didn’t count, right?
Now, imagine that happening all the time.
That’s rough.
So, as grown-ups, some people might still feel like they need that pat on the back to feel good.
They might go above and beyond to impress others or feel super down if someone doesn’t notice their efforts.
But remember, constantly needing approval from others can be a tough habit to break.
It’s not just about changing overnight. It’s a journey, and understanding where it comes from is the first step.
3) Being overly responsible
This one hits a little close to home for me
You see, people who had a rough childhood often end up becoming overly responsible.
In my case, I grew up in a home where I was often the peacekeeper and the problem solver.
As a kid, I found myself taking on responsibilities that were way beyond my age.
Now, as an adult, I notice that I tend to shoulder more than my fair share of responsibilities, often going out of my way to ensure everything is running smoothly.
Why does this happen?
Well, if a child is repeatedly put in situations where they have to care for themselves or others, they might grow into adults who feel they need to take on extra responsibilities.
For me, it was like I always felt I needed to keep things together, you know?
It could be small things, like making sure everyone’s got what they need, or bigger stuff, like always being the one people lean on.
But here’s the thing – always being the responsible one can be exhausting.
It’s okay to step back sometimes and let others share the load. It’s not easy, I know. It takes time to learn that it’s okay not to be in control all the time.
4) Struggling with self-care
Here’s a trait that might surprise you – people who’ve had a challenging childhood often struggle with self-care.
This doesn’t just mean forgetting to pamper themselves — it can encompass neglecting basic needs like proper nutrition, sleep, or even medical care.
They might skip meals, not get enough rest, or put off going to the doctor even when they really need to.
In order to understand their behavior, think about it this way:
If, as a kid, you’re not shown how to take care of yourself, or your own needs are constantly pushed aside, it’s hard to pick up those habits later on.
Interestingly, these struggles can sometimes show up in less obvious ways, like not being able to say no to extra work or always putting others’ needs first.
It’s like a deeply ingrained habit of not prioritizing oneself.
The good news is, self-care is a skill that can be learned.
It starts with small steps, like setting boundaries or taking time out for oneself.
And trust me, it’s worth it.
Taking care of yourself isn’t just feeling good in the moment — it means that you’re building a foundation for a healthier, happier life.
5) Always ready for the worst
Let me tell you, I’ve got this friend who always seems to expect things to go wrong.
It’s like she’s got this little voice in her head that’s constantly whispering, “Get ready, something bad is about to happen.”
One day, we were planning a road trip, and she packed like we were heading into a zombie apocalypse – I’m talking first aid kits, extra food, multiple maps in case the GPS failed.
She said it’s because, as a kid, things often didn’t go as planned, so now she feels she has to be prepared for anything.
I used to joke about her “doomsday suitcase,” but honestly, I get it now.
When you grow up with uncertainty, you learn to be on guard.
Unfortunately, it takes a lot of gentle nudges and positive experiences to start believing that sometimes things can actually go right.
6) Being strongly empathetic
Did you know that sometimes people who’ve had a tough childhood develop a superpower?
Yes, you heard that right.
In psychology, we call this phenomenon “post-traumatic growth“.
It’s when someone who’s been through hard times comes out with some unexpected strengths.
And one of those strengths can be a deep sense of empathy.
But hang on a second. What about empathy?
Well, it turns out that these people develop a natural ability to feel what others are feeling.
This means you can tune into their emotions as if they were your own.
For those who’ve had a difficult childhood, this often comes from having to be very aware of the moods and needs of the people around them from a young age.
They might have had to figure out how to navigate tricky situations at home, or maybe they learned to read the room to stay safe or to help others.
This kind of experience can sharpen your ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
But here’s a catch – being super empathetic isn’t always easy.
It can be draining, especially if you’re always feeling the weight of other people’s problems.
That’s why it’s important for empathetic people to find ways to recharge and set boundaries, so they don’t get overwhelmed.
7) Difficulty accepting compliments
Ever had someone give you a compliment and instead of saying “thanks,” you just kind of squirm? Like, you really don’t believe what they’re saying?
This is something I’ve seen a lot in folks who had it rough growing up.
Accepting compliments can feel like trying to hold onto a slippery fish – it just doesn’t seem to stick.
Here’s the raw truth: when you’re not used to hearing good things about yourself, especially during those crucial early years, compliments can feel foreign, almost uncomfortable.
It’s like someone saying you’re great at painting, but you’ve never held a brush in your life.
I’ve been there.
Someone says, “Hey, you did a great job,” and my first thought is, “Are they joking? Do they want something from me?”
It sounds harsh, but that’s the reality for a lot of people.
The thing is, growing up in a tough environment can make you question your worth.
So when someone comes along with a kind word, it’s like your brain just can’t process it as truth.
8) Fear of abandonment
Finally, a fear of abandonment can be a significant signal that someone had a rough start in life.
This fear is deeply intertwined with the concept of attachment, which forms the emotional bond between a child and their caregiver.
When a child grows up in an environment where this bond is unstable or where caregivers are inconsistently present, it can lead to what’s known as ‘insecure attachment’.
As adults, this manifests as a fear of abandonment.
It’s an underlying anxiety that those close to them might suddenly leave, creating a constant sense of uncertainty in relationships.
This fear often influences how someone approaches their connections with others.
For example, they might cling too tightly, afraid that any misstep could drive the other person away.
Or they might do the opposite – keeping people at a distance to avoid the pain of potential loss.
In either case, dealing with the fear of abandonment is challenging.
It’s not just about rational understanding — it’s about healing emotional wounds.
Final thoughts
As we wrap up, remember this:
The traits shaped by a difficult childhood aren’t just challenges — they’re also reflections of resilience and adaptability.
Each one, from seeking approval to fearing abandonment, tells a story of survival and strength.
The best part is that they carry opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
Your experiences shape you, but they don’t define your future.
With support, self-awareness, and perhaps a helping hand from a professional, you can turn these challenges into stepping stones for a fulfilling and empowered life.
