Adrian Volenik
Although I love spending time around others, some people are just not fun to be around. In fact, they are emotional vampires who suck out all life out of you.
But what exactly do they do thatโs so incredibly draining to others? Well, thatโs what weโre here for today.
From my experience dealing with emotionally draining people, here are the behaviors that make them so difficult to be around.
1) Negative Nancy
Theyโve mastered the art of seeing the downside in everything. While others find joy in a successful project, theyโll focus on the potential pitfalls that could have happened.
Even in situations where most see hope, they manage to find reasons why things will inevitably go wrong.
Their negativity and pessimism arenโt just a perspective. Theyโre a lifestyle that spoils the atmosphere around them and a lens through which they view the world.
Contentment is an elusive concept for them – their enduring state of unhappiness creates an environment where positivity struggles to take root.
2) Constant complaining
When youโre so negative, of course, youโre going to complain all the time. From the weather being too hot to the coffee being too cold, youโll find fault in every aspect of your life.
Their life is a perpetual storm of negativity, and any attempt to offer solutions is met with more complaints.
Itโs especially draining when theyโre someone you live or work with. Thereโs often no escaping it but distancing yourself as much as you can.
On the other hand, that only worsens your connection to the point of no return. If the only way to be with someone is to spend as little time as you can with them, then thatโs a huge red flag.
3) Excessively critical
But apart from constantly complaining, they often also criticize you for no good reason. Their critical eye is ever-watchful, ready to pounce on any perceived flaw they notice.
Whether itโs your work, appearance, or choices, theyโll pinpoint your every weakness.
On the other side, constructive feedback is a foreign concept for them. Obviously, they could be more helpful and offer real advice or information, but thatโs not as fun or satisfying for them.
4) Self-centeredness
Many emotionally draining people are incredibly difficult to be around because they only think and talk about themselves.
Conversations with them resemble a one-person show. Theyโre the star, the director, and the audience.
Listening becomes an exercise in patience as they consistently steer discussions back to their own experiences and opinions.
Plus, in these stories, theyโre often the victim and the whole world conspired against them.
5) Always the victim
Responsibility is basically their kryptonite. Instead of facing consequences or learning from mistakes, they excel at playing the victim.
I believe itโs a coping mechanism that shields them from accountability. But it also leaves those around them dealing with the fallout of their actions.
Theyโve elevated excuse-making to an art form. From missing deadlines to failing to fulfill commitments, thereโs always a justification, and itโs never their fault.
The worst thing about it, though, is hearing the constant complaints about how everything is against them and all the excuses they come up with just to not deal with some things in their lives.
For example, picture a friend who regularly finds themselves in turbulent relationships.
Instead of reflecting on their role in these dynamics, they paint themselves as the perpetual victim of heartbreak, blaming partners and circumstances while sidestepping any responsibility for the relationshipโs failures.
Which brings us to:
6) Non-stop drama
Life with them is an emotional rollercoaster. Every minor issue becomes a big event, and calmness is a foreign concept.
They have an incredible ability to turn the simplest situations into intense, emotionally charged episodes, leaving you and everyone around them on edge.
Letโs face it: theyโll never change. If you want peace and quiet, the only solution is to distance yourself.
As long as youโre in their orbit, theyโll keep sucking you back and emotionally drain you.
7) Being needy
Another โgreatโ quality they have is that theyโre needy. Their emotional dependence is like a bottomless pit.
They donโt just seek your advice or support. Oh no, they require constant reassurance and validation.
This emotional neediness can turn even the most patient people into emotionally drained caretakers.
Picture a partner who bombards you with texts throughout the day, asking for affirmation of your love and commitment.
They send messages like, โDo you still love me?โ or โAre you mad at me?โ even when thereโs no obvious reason for worry.
Or imagine a colleague who constantly wants affirmation for their work. They regularly ask, โDid I do a good job on that project?โ or โDo you think the boss is pleased with my performance?โ
They need constant reassurance to feel secure.
8) Chronic indecision
For some emotionally draining people, making choices is like climbing Mount Everest – simple decisions turn into lengthy, agonizing processes.
The mental energy they spend on indecision is not only draining for them but also for anyone involved in the decision-making journey.
I had a roommate who took ages to decide on things. From choosing an outfit to deciding where to eat, every decision needed to be a joint effort.
Theyโd constantly interrupt me while I was studying to talk about what they should do. In many cases, they were breaking the boundaries.
9) Boundary breaker
If youโre like me, you love having your personal boundaries untouched. You donโt want anyone encroaching on them, and thatโs why youโre clear about communicating them well.
But with these folks, your personal space is their playground, and privacy is a concept lost on them.
They donโt think twice about delving into your personal matters or invading your physical space, and their lack of boundaries leaves you feeling exposed and uncomfortable.
So, what can you do about it? Not much, to be honest. As long as youโre with or around them, theyโll keep doing it and wonโt understand what the big deal is.
10) Never wrong or willing to apologize
Dealing with someone who never admits theyโre wrong and wonโt say sorry is like trying to have a meaningful conversation with a brick wall.
They always insist theyโre right, and any attempt to discuss different views feels like hitting a dead end.
When they make mistakes or hurt you, the idea of getting an apology is almost nonexistent.
This not only makes resolving issues difficult but also leaves lingering feelings of frustration and unresolved problems.
It feels like youโre constantly trying to connect with someone who wonโt budge, and the lack of apologies makes it hard to heal after conflicts.
Youโre putting a lot of effort into the relationship. Still, genuine connection and understanding are hard to reach, and youโre left feeling tired and unheard.
11) Regular guilt-tripper
Dealing with someone who frequently lays on guilt trips is like walking through a minefield. Theyโre great at making you feel constantly guilty, even for things that arenโt your fault.
Imagine trying to have a simple conversation. Maybe you try to share something with them. But it turns into a guilt trip about how your actions have disappointed them.
So, what will you do next time? You simply wonโt share anything with them.
Parents make this mistake all the time. They guilt-trip their kids into doing things the parents want until the kids stop hanging out with them and sharing their personal lives.
Itโs tough to establish a healthy connection when guilt is their go-to tactic in communication.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, theyโre emotional vampires, sucking the positivity out of any room. Spending time with them feels like an energy tax, leaving you emotionally fatigued.
Their ability to turn even the happiest moments into draining experiences is an art form. But itโs not a good kind of art. Itโs more like those godawful graffiti that donโt represent anything but bad intentions.
