Tina Fey
It’s crazy to think how the order of our birth could shape the rest of our lives.
Of course, plenty of factors play into the people we become.
But one of those many factors is whether you happen to be the eldest, youngest, or middle child in the family.
How do you spot a middle child?
Be on the lookout for the following behaviors.
1) They’re great a playing devil’s advocate and mediating
Middle children are not only literally in the middle, they are often metaphorically so as well.
They are usually known as the peacemakers who become the go-between for older and younger siblings.
The plus point of playing piggy in the middle is some very useful life skills.
You can spot them in the heat of an argument as they are the ones who stay calm, cool, and collected.
For that reason, they can be great to have around in a crisis.
Rather than taking sides during disagreements, they are the ones mediating for an amicable solution.
2) They’re pretty mild-mannered in most situations and tend not to rub people up the wrong way
As we’ll come to see next, middle kids can feel a bit overshadowed.
The eldest child is known for being the boss, and the youngest is seen as the baby who can do no wrong.
So there isn’t always room for any more big personalities in the family dynamics.
That means the middle child can develop a more quiet and even-tempered personality in response.
Rather than fight for the attention, they will patiently wait in the wings.
That’s not to say they don’t have many wonderful qualities and traits. But they’re just less likely to make a song and dance about them or try to steal the limelight.
3) They complain about feeling left out or overlooked
The middle child can easily get a bit of an inferiority complex.
Here’s a good example:
I have very few photos of me growing up.
When I asked my mom why there were so many of my sister and pretty much none of me, this was her response:
“Well with the first kid, it’s all very exciting. By the time you came along, the novelty had sort of worn off.”
It’s a phenomenon middle children all across the world are familiar with.
The first child is special — it’s the very first. The last child is special — it’s the last one you will ever have.
Anything in between — meh.
Ok, I joke. But the truth is that plenty of middle kids feel like they don’t get the same attention as the first and last born.
That can leave you wondering if there is a particular reason why you get overlooked in life.
4) They can be a bit clingy
Here’s another thing that can easily happen whenever you feel a bit starved of affection:
You crave it.
We are very quick to label needy types of behavior as a weakness.
It’s true that emotional over-reliance and co-dependence aren’t healthy. But we should also try to take a more compassionate approach.
I saw a great video the other day that explained it like this:
If someone hasn’t had a drink for a long time and feels extra thirsty, we wouldn’t judge them. We would give them water to quench their thirst.
We would understand their need.
When you are the middle child you may crave the approval, attention, and affection you didn’t feel like you got growing up.
So you may be extra thirsty for others’ approval and love.
5) They’re less likely to call their mom
Middle children are more likely to make their own way in life.
They are usually the first ones to move out of home. And they spread their wings further.
They may even have created a group of friends around them that feel like family.
But for whatever reason, research has found that middle-born children are less family-oriented than their elder siblings.
That’s not to say they don’t love their family, but they may not lean on them the same way.
Perhaps part of that reason is their independent nature that prompts them to go out into the world.
6) They’re independent and stand on their own two feet
You never have to worry about a middle child. They are so used to doing their own thing.
Sure, some of that was because they had no choice.
It’s not that they were neglected, but as we’ve seen they may well have been pretty overlooked.
That has its upsides.
The eldest was being watched like a hawk. That means they get away with very little. Meanwhile, the youngest doesn’t escape the attention either.
But when you go unnoticed, you get to forge your own path.
There’s less pressure and expectations on you. So you can make your own mind up and do your own thing.
This can make you really self-sufficient, if not a little bit unruly!
7) They have a rebellious streak
Without a watchful eye on you, you can of course go off the rails a bit.
That’s not to say middle children are hellraisers. But it is to say they may push the boundaries a little.
The mischief maker in the group isn’t always the youngest, that’s for sure.
For example, one review noted that middle children could be up to 33% more likely to engage in delinquent behavior than their older siblings.
8) They make friends easily
Middle children tend to seek more connections from outside of the family, potentially seeking the attention they don’t feel like they get at home.
So from a young age, they are sociable and have a large circle of friends.
They value that affection that didn’t come so easily to them, so they carve out close-knit alliances.
They are the ultimate social butterfly who offer plenty of charming traits, along with an adventurous spirit and a cooperative attitude.
That’s why they make good friends who people warm to quite easily.
9) They are happy to share with you whatever they have
Okay, admittedly, it didn’t always start out as a choice for the middle child. Growing up they were forced to compete for and share resources.
Not only their parent’s time and energy but also materialistic stuff too.
Middle children know what it is to be the king or queen of the hand-me-down. So you could never accuse the middle child of being spoiled.
They know how to take turns and play fair.
In adulthood, this leads to strong sharing behaviors.
Rather than being guarded or protective over what they have, they are happy to share it with the ones they love.
10) They can lack of confidence
Being the middle child is far from all bad. As we’ve already seen, being under the spotlight in a family isn’t always so great either.
Stealth mode can help you get away with more. Having to fend for yourself can make you more independent.
But feeling overlooked and ignored can also knock your confidence.
Middle children may feel like their accomplishments aren’t celebrated in the same way.
No matter how much they try to prove themselves, whatever they do feels not quite good enough.
That can leave them grappling with some low self-esteem issues.
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