Tina Fey
It can be hard to know whether someone is a genuinely caring person or just faking it.
And so to make it easier for you, I’ve come up with a list of traits of genuinely caring people.
If someone displays these 10 traits, then you can be sure they truly care for you.
1) They are naturally caring—and not just to you!
Don’t trust people who act extra sweet and caring towards you, but are mean as hell a*holes towards others.
And I don’t just mean snubbing people in the open—telling you mean things about others in private also counts. Double the red flags if they’re badmouthing someone that they are polite with in public, too.
These are people who are just faking being “nice” for their own ends.
On the other hand, you can rest assured that people are genuinely nice if they remain consistent no matter who they’re dealing with.
That is to say, they’re nice to people whether or not they’re dealing with friends and family or strangers on a subway… or whether they’re out in public or talking to people in private.
2) They don’t need praise
They don’t wait for people to tell them “thank you” or “OMG you’re the best!” for them to act nice. And in fact, they might even get shy when people start gushing about how nice they are.
They remain nice regardless of whether or not there are people around giving them praise for being kind and generous.
The reason for this is because, for them, being nice is not an act they need to do for the sake of reward or validation. It’s something they are.
They truly care for people, and will act on that care without worrying about the rewards.
3) They’re a person with integrity
That is to say, they don’t act any differently in private, or when there are no eyes on them.
Our character traits are far more interconnected than one might think at first. And integrity is one of those that is foundational to whether someone is a genuine person or not.
They’re not going to cheat on their partner even though nobody’s going to find out, steal money when they can get away with it, or spread rumors about someone behind their back.
4) They help without expecting anything in return
People who have managed to get to the top know that many people only start “caring” for them once they’ve become successful. Before that, they might as well not exist.
It should come as no surprise that these people are only really in it for the opportunities and benefits that come from being on good terms with someone up on top.
In contrast, a person who’s genuinely caring doesn’t care for all of that. They don’t care if they’re talking to the CEO or the janitor or even just a random beggar on the street.
They will simply treat everyone equally well without expecting anything in return for their kindness.
5) They always ask if you’re okay
They ask how you’ve been, if you’ve already eaten, and they even ask about your family.
They don’t just ask simply because it’s the polite thing to do. They ask because they’re genuinely concerned for you and want to know.
And when you confide in them, they will sit down and listen to you attentively instead of just gazing off into infinity and letting your words fly past them.
They might not always have the right words of comfort, but you just know they care.
6) They pay close attention to you
Being with them is a queer experience. It’s almost like they can sense when you’re going through something.
In a way, this is actually quite true. Genuinely caring people can tell when people are down or are going through something because they pay close attention to the people around them.
This is something that people who are simply pretending to care won’t even bother doing. It’s way too much of a waste of energy, and so they simply pay attention to the most obvious things.
7) They remember the things you tell them
Now, even the most caring people in the world are not immune to memory loss and simple forgetfulness. But at the very least they make an effort to remember, which certainly means a lot still.
If you told them that you hate smoking because someone you loved died of lung cancer, then they’ll be mindful enough not to ever offer you a cigar or a vape.
People who care for you reserve some space for you in their memory. And this has helped them treat others better.
8) They ask how they can help
Instead of rushing in to help and relying entirely on their own judgment on what must be done, they will instead ask you.
They know better than to assume they know the situation well enough to give the perfect solution, and would rather let you decide.
Sometimes they do know how to help people best, but consent just so happens to be quite important to them. So they ask, and ask permission if they truly want to help you their way.
They’re well aware that some forms of help can backfire, and that’s the last thing that they want.
9) They reach out regularly
Life happens. Sometimes we simply get swept along and end up forgetting to chat with friends for months at a time.
People who genuinely care will try to reach out to their friends and loved ones regularly, and do so as soon as they can remember.
They aren’t going to go “Hmph, if they’re not texting, then I’m not texting! Who are they? Some kind of celebrity?”
Instead, they’ll think “Oh, I hope they’re alright.” and then ask you what’s up.
10) They remain caring no matter what
Even if you’re sometimes a bit of an a*hole, or you’ve done something that should have upset them, they remain a friend.
It’s not because they’re being pushovers and that they can’t live without you (trust me—they can), but it’s just that they truly care about you and perhaps love you enough that they understand you.
They understand that you might be going through something, they understand that nobody’s perfect, and they understand that relationships—especially friendships—can get a bit rocky…and for them, that’s okay!
Final thoughts
People who are genuinely caring are hard to find.
So if you see these traits on someone, keep them close and treasure them. Care for them the same way they care for you.
The world is a much better place when you’re with people who know how to genuinely love and care.
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