If a woman uses these 12 phrases in a conversation, she lacks confidence

Women are often taught that it’s a virtue to be humble.

That’s why a lot of them are meek and unassuming. 

But sometimes, there’s more to it than that!

A lot of women genuinely have poor self-confidence and it’s what’s keeping them from becoming the person they’re supposed to be.

If you want to know if the girl you’re talking with has poor self-confidence, keep an ear out for these 12 phrases.

1) “You’re just saying that!”

A woman who lacks confidence says things like “oh, you’re just pulling my leg!” or “you’re just saying that” whenever she gets praised.

It doesn’t matter even if there’s plenty of proof saying that she deserves that praise.

She could be a published writer, but compliment her writing and she’ll try to deny it.

This is because people who have poor self-confidence almost always have a very poor grasp on their own abilities.

They underestimate themselves, and don’t think they’re as good as people say they are.

So when we compliment them, they think that we’re just out there to flatter them.

A self-assured woman, on the other hand, would not care whether people are being genuine or not.

She’ll acknowledge the praise and own it without letting it get to her head.

2) “Oh crap, I’m so stupid”

Self-deprecatory jokes are another thing you should look out for.

People who have too little self-confidence like to criticize and belittle themselves openly all the time.

Did she forget to take her vitamins? Did she trip on her own two feet? Did she spell the word “renaissance” incorrectly?

All these would have her going “Gah, I’m the worst, stupidest person on the planet!”

Now people who are genuinely confident do poke fun at themselves.

What makes her “jokes” different is that you can actually sense she’s embarrassed of her mistakes (and actually hates herself a little).

3) “I’m not good at this, but…”

She says “I’m not good at this, but…” or “don’t judge me” before she does something that she thinks she’ll be judged for.

You can almost think of it like a disclaimer she’s laying out to protect her self-esteem.

She wants you to lower your expectations so that you won’t be too disappointed when she inevitably—in her mind— fails.

A confident person knows what they’re capable of.

They will generally never say something like that and instead just do whatever they’re asked to do.

Sure, they may not be the best, but the fact that people approach them to do things could just mean they’re not so bad, either.

4) “I’ll let you decide”

Present her with the power to make a decision, and she’ll shove it right back at you.

Ask her if she wants to go skiing and she’ll say something like “I want to…but I’ll let you decide.”

Ask her if she’d rather have Italian or Chinese for dinner, and she’ll probably just go “I’ll have whatever you want.”

Is she just trying to accommodate other people’s needs? Is she genuinely indecisive? Probably.

Women have been conditioned to put their needs last, and so it can be unnatural for some of them to be firm and loud about what they want.

But it’s also a sign that she lacks confidence.

A confident woman will happily say something like “I want to go skiing, what about you?” instead. 

She might still let others have a say, but she won’t be shy about what she wants.

5) “Oh, I just got lucky”

When you congratulate her on something huge—like a promotion or an award of some sort—she’ll dismiss you and say “Oh, I just got lucky.”

The fact that women are conditioned to be meek and humble likely plays a part here too.

It doesn’t help that a lot of men are afraid of women being powerful and high-achieving.

They hold women to unreasonably high standards and scrutinize, judge, and harass those women who have become “too successful.”

All this really messes with women’s minds, convincing them that they’re not capable of great things or that they should “act humble.”

It destroys their self-confidence, so they don’t know what to do when they do succeed other than to go “oh, I just got lucky.”

6) “I’m not an expert or anything, but…”

People who say this line are either extremely self-aware, or have little to no self-confidence.

And you can usually tell very quickly whether she’s one or the other.

Someone who’s lacking in self-confidence is motivated by a fear that they’ll sound stupid if they run their mouth and end up making a mistake of some kind.

Usually they’ll have experienced being mocked or bullied for being wrong in the past.

Someone who’s simply self-aware, on the other hand, is simply acknowledging that they are aware that they might not be completely correct.

If she lacks confidence, then she’ll get upset or be afraid to speak further if she makes a mistake and someone points it out.

On the other hand, someone who’s confident yet self-aware will be more than happy to accept corrections whenever they’re given.

7) “Did I do it right?”

Now of course, this is a phrase even the most confident person would say.

We all want to know if we did something wrong, after all.

The difference is that someone who lacks self-confidence would utter this several times even to the point that it starts to get annoying.

“Did I do alright?”

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“How about now?”

“You really mean it?”

No matter how many times you try to reassure her, she’ll just keep asking you over and over.

She probably had awful experiences in the past that has made her lose trust in her abilities to do things right.

8) “Did I say something wrong?”

If you get quiet or if your mood shifts even for a second, she’d ask “Did I say something wrong?”

And she really means it!

She’s worried about people having negative impressions of her.

Only those who lack self-confidence are like this. 

They’d think “Ugh, they probably know that I suck now. They must think I’m a loser. Maybe they hate me.”

A confident woman, on the other hand, simply sits back and watches.

She still cares about whether her words hurt the people around her.

But she doesn’t take every small change in mood or body language personally. 

9) “Uhmmm…I guess?”

It’s hard to speak with any degree of confidence if you’re low on confidence.

That’s why a woman who lacks confidence will often say things like “uhh, I guess?” or “I think so?” even when talking about unimportant things.

Ask her if she wants some ice cream and she’d go “Uhmmm…I guess?”

Ask her if she likes red and she’ll say “Uhmm, yeah maybe?”

It makes no sense to be that indecisive with questions like these.

How hard is it to simply say “yes” or “no” after all?

Chances are that she does know what she likes, but she’s afraid of being judged for her answers so she tries to remain as vague as possible.

A confident woman would just easily blurt out an honest answer. If others don’t like it, it’s not her problem anyway.

10) “Well, that’s just what I think”

Let’s say she’s been geeking out about physics or history.

And at some point she’d share a thought that is so sensible or profound that she leaves everyone impressed.

She might even be the most knowledgeable person in the room when it comes to that one particular topic.

But even then she still goes out of her way to punctuate her sentences with “…well, that’s just what I think…” or “I might be wrong, but…”

A confident woman will only give disclaimers when it’s absolutely necessary. 

A woman without any confidence whatsoever will throw out disclaimers even when it’s not needed.

11) “I don’t want to bother, but…”

A woman who’s struggling with her self-confidence always thinks that she’s being a bother.

She doesn’t want to ask questions because she worries she’ll annoy people.

She feels bad about sharing her ideas because she thinks she’s just wasting people’s time.

Hell, she probably thinks that her very existence is a burden on everyone around her!

Even if it’s as simple as asking someone to pass the salt, she’d still awkwardly say “I don’t want to bother, but can you please pass the salt? I can’t reach it.”

A confident woman will simply just go “Pardon, but can you please pass the salt?” 

12) “Do you agree?”

She wants to make sure that everyone is on board with her idea before she goes ahead with it.

Now this is simply good manners if that idea affects everyone—like if she should buy Pepsi or Coke for the company party, for example—but the problem is that she still asks even if it concerns her alone.

Should she start dating? Should she get a pet? Which country should she visit next?

Women who lack confidence want to get a thumbs up from others. It’s the only way they feel more confident with their choices.

Final thoughts

So let’s say that the woman you know indeed lacks self-confidence…

What then?

Well, be compassionate, understanding, and supportive. 

Most of all, don’t make her feel self-conscious by saying “Why are you so shy?!” or “Stop saying Uhmmm.”

What people with low self-confidence don’t need is more judgment.

Don’t make them feel bad for not being the most confident woman in the world.

What they really need is people who just allow them to be who they are.

So be that person for them if you truly care.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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