Isabella Chase
No relationship is ever perfect.
This is a truth that helps many healthy couples get through tough times as well as an excuse that unhappy couples use to explain their inherent incompatibilities.
But no matter how many rationalizations you come up with or how many excuses you hide behind, the fact remains that the truth has a way of bubbling to the surface at some point or another.
And oftentimes, it manifests in our behavior long before we can finally encapsulate it in words.
Let’s dive in. If a woman isn’t happy in a relationship, she’ll almost always display these 6 subtle behaviors.
1) She will get “the ick” more and more often
The ick is a pretty new term that’s been floating all over social media in the past few years.
It refers to a sudden realization that the person you fancy acts off-putting in some way, thereby “giving you the ick.”
The problem with the ick is that 1) it’s quite a cruel way to regard someone and 2) it doesn’t tend to happen when you’re genuinely happy and in love with your partner.
Don’t get me wrong, there might be a couple of things your partner does that may be a bit meh, but if you’re well and truly happy with them, those moments of “meh” will probably be cushioned by feelings of “aw” or “oh well, moving on.”
If a woman gets the ick more and more often, it’s the first sign she isn’t completely satisfied in her relationship.
It isn’t just a case of the honeymoon period ending, mind you. It might mean she is becoming more and more critical of her partner because she’s opening her eyes to the realization that she and the person she’s dating aren’t exactly compatible.
2) She will distance herself on an emotional level
Those nightly talks you had until 2 AM? Not a thing anymore.
Deep confessions and whispered secrets? She’d rather just read her book, thank you very much.
A fun date spent out in nature? She’s too busy. Sorry (not sorry).
It may start slowly at first, but before you know it, your girlfriend or wife has distanced herself emotionally to the point where your connection begins to disintegrate.
Suddenly, you’re not really dating as much as co-living.
The thing is, though, most women won’t just switch into cold mode out of nowhere, especially not if you’ve been together for years.
This state of emotional detachment is usually preceded by attempts to fix the relationship and talk about its issues, followed by passive aggression that goes hand in hand with a great deal of resentment.
…which brings us to the third sign!
3) She will make passive-aggressive remarks
If a woman struggles to communicate effectively or if her attempts at good communication have repeatedly failed, she may opt for passive aggression as an outlet for her bitterness and anger.
This is not very healthy at all but it is what often happens when a woman doesn’t know what else to do.
She may slam the kitchen cupboards, give you the silent treatment, make “jokes” that are actually just complaints veiled behind humor, poke at you, or be in a permanently sour mood.
Whatever it is, her resentment is loud and clear.
She isn’t happy. Not by a long shot.
Unfortunately, passive aggression rarely solves anything. It usually makes matters worse, resulting in bickering, arguments, or tense silences that seem to stretch on forever.
What’s more, it tends to drive both partners even further away from each other.
As per Psychology Today, “Passive-aggressive behavior can be intensely frustrating for the target because it’s hard to identify, difficult to prove, and may even be unintentional. Passive aggression can lead to more conflict and intimacy issues because many people struggle to have a direct and honest conversation about the problem at hand.”
Yeah. It’s not great, to say the least.
4) She will stop trying to fix the relationship
Passive-aggressive behavior is usually a sign that the woman in question still wants the relationship to get better. She may have chosen a very unproductive way to go about it, but there’s still some fight left in her.
The moment she completely gives up trying to fix the relationship, though…
That’s when you know it’s only going to go downhill from here on.
Many women give up on a relationship long before it’s over. They may stay because they might still be in a bit of denial or because they are too scared to break it off and step into uncertainty, but deep down, their intuition knows what’s what.
Slowly but surely, they begin to detach. Then they grow colder (as described above).
And then…
5) She will hyperfocus on other aspects of her life
Everyone has a limited amount of energy. And far too many women invest 60% of their energy into their romantic relationships. The 40% that’s left isn’t enough to help them pursue their dreams with relentless drive.
We’ve already established that if a woman hasn’t been happy in a relationship for quite some time now, she will eventually give up.
And that means she now has an incredible amount of energy to spare, energy that she pours back into herself, her career, her friends, and her passion projects. The energy that propels her further along on her individual journey toward success and happiness.
Of course, this isn’t to say that women can’t be in a happy romantic relationship and thrive as individuals at the same time. They absolutely can.
But the truth of the matter is that many women care so much about their partners that they use up a lot of their time and energy on the relationship in question, and when that relationship is suddenly out of the picture, they have even more capacity to focus on themselves.
6) She will give vague answers when asked about her relationship
One of my friends has been in quite an unhappy relationship for some time now.
Every time I ask her about it, she refuses to open up and gives me very vague answers along the lines of, “Well, you know… It’s better. We’re working on it. Really, it’s quite good, so… yeah. Anyway, what about you?”
I don’t want to pry, so I leave her be after a while because I know the reason she doesn’t want to open up is probably because she’s not happy but isn’t ready to leave the relationship yet, and so she chooses to keep their troubles to herself for now.
I’ve been there, too. For the longest time, I tried to convince both myself and my friends that my past relationship was great only to finally come to the conclusion that it was as far from perfect as you could get.
That’s just how it is. Many women tend to delude themselves into thinking the relationship isn’t all that bad. When they finally realize it does, in fact, need a lot of work, they try to fix it, but if their partner isn’t putting in the same kind of effort, they will eventually grow bitter and resentful.
Many months or years might go by before they finally think to themselves, “I’ve had enough. It’s over.”
But most of the women I know do reach that stage – however long it takes them to get there.
