Amy Reed
Calling someone a narcissist has become pretty popular today.
On Reddit and TikTok, you’ll often find people calling out their exes or former friends for being a so-called narcissist.
And while the awareness of narcissism is increasing, it’s actually quite rare – especially in women.
However, that doesn’t mean that someone you know isn’t a narcissist. Or that they aren’t displaying narcissistic tendencies.
Spotting a narcissist isn’t always easy.
Because they want nothing more than to feel accepted (stemming from a lack of love given to them as children), most are very good at hiding their narcissism.
Usually, it only becomes visible in romantic relationships, close friendships, or parent-child relationships.
Which can wreak havoc on your mental health and self-esteem.
Think someone you know might be a narcissist? Let’s find out for sure.
1) She spends your money without guilt (or intention of paying you back)
Personally, I believe in fairness when it comes to money. You buy me a drink and I’ll buy you one.
When you live together or are in a serious committed relationship, couples establish different financial arrangements that work for them. Each to their own.
Just because a woman is financially supported by a man, that doesn’t make her a narcissist.
But there’s a difference between financially supporting and taking without guilt or prior agreement.
If a woman earns her own money but will happily spend yours, even wiping out your bank account to fund her lifestyle, she could be a narcissist (and a financial abuser).
2) She needs constant admiration from everyone around her
As research tells us, narcissists love to receive validation, attention, and praise.
This comes from their deep insecurity issues and low self-esteem.
A narcissist knows they are different from everyone else, which often makes them lack inner confidence and a sense of acceptance.
Therefore, any opportunity they have, they’ll try to seek validation from others.
So a woman narcissist may always want to be the center of attention.
In a room full of people, she’ll want everyone to think she’s the best or most attractive person in the room.
In relationships, she’ll prefer being showered with love and affection – all the while giving very little back to you.
And in friendships, she’ll be the one doing most of the talking – wanting you to be there for her all the time – without ever having to be there for you.
3) She happily bullies or puts others down (to their face and behind their backs)
Let me be clear: bullying at any age is unacceptable and wrong.
But, as kids, a girl who bullies others is usually being bullied at home or is just still very immature.
And, chances are, as that girl gets older, she’ll realize that her behavior was wrong and will grow out of the need to put others down to big herself up.
Because as you get older, bullying and nastiness should stop. That is, unless you’re a narcissist.
I had a friend once who was way too old to be a bully.
She wouldn’t care if she made other people cry.
When a friend canceled last minute because she was feeling depressed and anxious, she said she was faking it. And she said a lot worse after a couple of drinks.
When she was in a bad mood, she’d get others to turn against one particular person. She’d make snide remarks to their face and stir the pot behind their back.
And that lack of compassion for others was a clear sign that she was probably a narcissist. Or at least, she had very narcissistic tendencies.
4) She’s unhealthily jealous
Everyone gets jealous sometimes. According to research, a little bit of envy is a normal human reaction to many things.
Like when a colleague gets a promotion over you or if a friend gets married to the most wonderful person ever, it’s normal to feel a little bit jealous.
But mature adults shouldn’t act on their natural jealousy.
They should be happy for their friends and family, even if they feel a bit envious about it.
They shouldn’t want to “get back” at someone who’s done “better” than them. Or try to sabotage a happy relationship because they want it for themselves.
On a Facebook group I was in once, I remember a few women chatting about how they wanted to “test” their friends’ new fiancé by sending him nudes – just to see what his response would be.
Without their friend knowing or consenting to the “test”.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were planning such things because they were jealous.
And if a woman is happy to sabotage, plot, or act nastily out of jealousy – without any care, compassion, or remorse for the impact of her actions – she could be a narcissist.
5) She always plays the victim when she’s in the wrong
Another sign a woman could be a narcissist is if she plays the victim when she’s in the wrong.
And not in a fun, playful way.
In a way that feels manipulative and hurtful to you.
When she does something wrong, she might cry, act sad, or twist the situation around so it’s all about what you’ve done wrong – all to get out of what she did.
Like if she cheated on you by kissing someone else, and when you confront her about it, she cries and tells you it’s all your fault.
That you made her do it because you’ve gained weight or have been too “needy” recently.
And in the end, you’re the one consoling her, rather than her apologizing for the wrong she’s done.
6) She gives you the silent treatment and never wants to talk through issues
As someone who’s experienced the silent treatment many times in my life, I can honestly say there’s nothing worse than being on the receiving end of it.
Experts have even found that, when given consistently, the silent treatment can become emotionally abusive.
When a woman is a narcissist, she frequently (and intentionally) gives people the silent treatment.
If she isn’t getting her own way, she’ll stay silent just to annoy you.
And no matter how upset or angry you’re getting about it, she’ll continue to keep schtum.
To clarify, experts say that some people need space to think and/or calm down after an argument. So, they may leave the room or tell you they need a moment before responding.
But this is different from purposely staying silent with the intention of manipulating, angering, or hurting the other person.
7) She “punishes” you by withholding love or affection
Instead of openly talking about her feelings and things she’s upset about, she’ll “punish” the person in other ways.
Usually, the way a narcissistic woman will punish their partner is by withholding love or affection.
Like if you didn’t take the bins out, she might withhold sex for a couple of weeks, without telling you that she’s upset you didn’t do the bins.
And she’ll do it to make you feel hurt, rejected, or sad – just like she does, so you “know how it feels”.
8) She lacks sensitivity and empathy for others
One of the biggest signs a woman is a narcissist is if she lacks general empathy for others (including you).
You’ll rarely find her saying something compassionate about a friend who’s been through something bad.
Instead, she might trash-talk them for being “dramatic”.
If you’re watching something sad on TV, you’ll never hear her express any emotion about it – like anger or sadness.
If you get sick, she won’t help you or show you any care. Instead, she’ll make you feel like an annoyance to her or like you “owe” her for helping.
She might even, if she knows you’re down about something, intentionally bring it up to make you feel sad.
Like if she knows your boyfriend has just broken up with you, she might brag about how perfect her relationship is and how much her boyfriend loves her.
Final thoughts
Being a female narcissist isn’t very common at all.
According to some studies, only 4.8% of women will develop narcissistic personality disorder – compared to 7.7% of men.
Plus, as some experts say, the word “narcissist” is thrown around too easily in today’s society.
While many of these traits are behaviors of someone with narcissism, it’s important to remember that just because a woman has some of these traits, she may not be a narcissist.
She may just be immature, selfish, or going through a tough time that’s making her act out.
However, just because a woman isn’t a narcissist, that doesn’t mean you have to live with her toxic behavior.
Sometimes, to help yourself, you have to let go of friendships, relationships, or even family members.
Because at the end of the day, you have to look after number one (i.e., you).
And if someone is constantly making you feel sad, hurt, rejected, or manipulated, you may be better off without them.
