Eliza Hartley
Let’s face it. We live in a world that likes to do its damndest to keep women down.
So it should not be a surprise that many of us end up seeing ourselves as less than we are actually worth.
But how can you tell that a woman doesn’t actually know her worth?
Look out for these habits.
1) She puts herself last
Women are expected to be selfless and giving—to be gentle, forgiving, and self-sacrificing.
Now being altruistic is a good thing. The problem starts when a woman starts putting herself last.
She would put off her doctor’s appointment because her partner wants her to submit some documents, and she’d spend her vacation minding her kids instead of going out to actually unwind.
A woman who knows her true worth never does this.
She respects herself too much to always put herself last.
She’ll go take that doctor’s appointment and tell her husband that her health is more important. She’ll find a way to make sure that her kids are supervised while she’s out enjoying her well-deserved break.
It’s really simple: a woman who knows her true worth treats herself as a person deserving of care.
A woman who dismisses her needs, on the other hand, is someone who doesn’t know her true worth.
2) She gets attached to everyone who gives her attention
She doesn’t think that she deserves anything at all, and she might even be used to being treated like trash.
So the moment someone treats her like an actual human being, she falls. Hard.
And the moment she finds herself relating to a guy, she would think she’s found “the one.”
I was like this when I was younger. At that time, I had a lot of issues with myself—I hated my nose, for example, and I didn’t think I was smart enough.
So the moment a guy approached me, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t my type. I fell hard.
Now I cringe whenever I remember those days.
What the hell was I thinking?
Ultimately it was all because I didn’t know I deserved better.
3) She lets others dictate her life
She wanted to be an architect, but her parents wanted her to be a nurse instead.
She wanted to pursue her career in the big city, but her boyfriend wanted her to stay in town instead.
And instead of standing up for herself she follows them. She took up nursing and then stayed in town.
She doesn’t stand up to herself because she doesn’t know her true worth.
She’d rather follow other people’s orders and suggestions so that when she fails (and she always thinks she will), then they won’t blame her.
4) She’s too “understanding” of others
Women are expected to be nice, kind, gentle, and understanding. No ifs or buts!
If a woman ever dares to NOT be any of that, she’d be called a “bitch”, a “difficult woman”, and many other horrible things.
And this makes some women—especially those who don’t know their true worth—try to take their “kindness” to an extreme.
When her boyfriend flirts with a coworker, she’ll pretend that she’s not hurt because “men are like that” and she’s supposed to be a “good girlfriend”.
When her mother shouts at her, she’ll act like she’s not upset and forgive her mother as soon as she can because that’s what a “loving daughter” should be like.
5) She tries hard to impress others
Back when I was still young and horribly insecure, I used to be obsessed about whether people liked me or not.
So I went out of my way to wear clothes that would catch people’s eyes. I did things hoping that they’ll go “wow, you’re amazing!”
I felt like I was worthless, so I did everything I could to make people admire me.
Eventually I realized how pathetic I was. I was trying so hard to impress people that I wasn’t even being my authentic self anymore.
A woman who knows her true worth won’t try to make others adore her.
She knows she’s awesome, so she’d just be unapologetically herself and not give a damn about what others think.
6) She stays in a dead-end relationship
She’s miserable.
Her relationship is going nowhere. Her partner might even be abusing her or cheating on her.
But somehow she’s still choosing to stay in that relationship.
She might try to excuse herself by saying something like “suffering is part of love” or “no relationship is perfect,” or she might simply admit that she just doesn’t want to be alone.
But only someone who does not know her true worth thinks like this.
A woman who DOES know her true worth knows that she doesn’t deserve to be in an unhappy relationship. Period.
She’d rather grow old single than settle for someone who doesn’t deserve her.
7) She feels guilty for saying “No”
It doesn’t matter even if she’s dead tired. If her boss asks her to work for one more hour, she’ll say “yes.”
And when a guy invites her to dance, she’ll say “yes” just to be “polite.”
She could say “no”, but she just can’t. It makes her feel like she’s being selfish or crude.
A woman like this doesn’t know her true worth, so she doesn’t believe that she even deserves to say “no”, and neither can she stand the thought of being hated for being “selfish.”
In contrast to this, women who know their worth have no problems saying “no.”
People will still disrespect them, but when that happens, they’re more than happy to call them out or cut people out of their lives.
8) She stays at a job she hates
She’s underpaid, overqualified, and hasn’t gotten either a promotion or a raise in years.
Her superiors are horrible and she doesn’t get along with her coworkers.
And the baffling thing is that despite that, she hasn’t left for a better job yet.
The most likely reason is that she’s not aware of her worth.
She’s worried that she won’t find another job if she leaves now, or that she’ll end up with a job that pays LESS.
So as much as she hates her current job, she stays. She might complain, but that’s it. She just deals with it day to day until she has the confidence to get out.
If she knew her true worth, she would have resigned long ago. She’d know that another company would be happy to have her!
9) She doesn’t pursue her passions
She loves painting…but she’s convinced that she’ll never be as good as O’keefe or Kahlo. So she’d rather not “waste time”.
Painting could give her so much joy, but that doesn’t matter.
Besides, there are other things she should worry about— like bills and how to be a “good woman”.
She doesn’t believe that she DESERVES to pursue the things that make her happy.
Women who understand their true worth on the other hand, know that it’s their right. They’ll pursue their passions even if they know they’ll never become as good as the greats…and heck, even if they’re actually wasting time! It’s their time, after all.
And that is because they believe that they deserve to be happy and fulfilled.
10) She’s a social chameleon
A woman who doesn’t know her true worth doesn’t care about authenticity.
She doesn’t see her true self as someone to be proud of.
And that’s the reason why she can easily seem like she has “no personality.”
She changes the way she acts and thinks depending on who she’s talking to.
If she’s hanging out with her socialite friends, she acts and talks like a socialite. She even thinks like one.
Her opinions and manner of talking changes depending on who she’s talking to so we start to doubt what her real self is like.
11) She considers praise as flattery
She tries to make people like her, but when people express their admiration, she doesn’t believe it to be true!
When her teacher compliments her writing, she’ll tell herself “Oh, she doesn’t mean it. She just wants me to be inspired.
When her date admires how she looks, she thinks they’re just saying that to be polite.
A woman who knows her worth can detect flattery, of course. But when a praise is genuine, she’d readily accept it and just say thanks.
12) She believes every negative thing she hears about herself
“Your prose is sloppy and isn’t compelling enough.”
“You should pursue a safer career. You’re not going to be the next Carrie Bradshaw.”
It doesn’t matter even if the person they’re talking to is clearly joking, or if people simply wanted to put her down.
Whenever she hears things like these, she takes them hard, as fact.
And that’s because she doesn’t know her worth and is struggling with her insecurities.
A woman who knows her self-worth on the other hand can keep her cool and tell insults, criticism, and jokes apart from one another.
Final thoughts:
It’s not easy being a woman, much less one struggling with self-doubt and a poor grasp on her self-worth.
We get treated like we don’t know what we’re talking about.
We get told that if we’re still single by 30, we’re “undateable.”
And when we speak up for ourselves, we’re told that we’re “too difficult” and “too emotional” for our own good.
So I do not blame women who simply don’t know their true worth.
If you have a friend who fits the description above, be kind to them. They can still find themselves—they just need people to help them realize they’re more valuable than they think.
