Are you wondering why that guy you like isn’t calling you back? Or why he keeps making excuses not to meet up?
You thought that you were really hitting it off, but now you’re asking yourself what’s going on.
You keep making excuses for him – maybe he’s super busy at work; maybe he’s sick; maybe he just has a lot on his plate right now, but he’ll call me – because you so badly want to believe that he wants you.
But here’s the truth, if a man really wants you, he’ll pursue you!
Read on to find out more.
Why men pursue the women they want
1) It’s instinctive
Trust me – men love the chase.
Men pursue the women they want because it’s an instinct that’s deeply rooted in their biology.
They’re driven to pursue women on both a conscious and subconscious level. It’s probably something to do with their primal urge to mate and reproduce.
You see, men (like all males) have this natural instinct to spread their genes. That’s why they’re looking for a woman that’s “suitable for reproduction” – a woman that they’re attracted to.
What it all comes down to is that when a man wants a woman, it’s only natural for him to go after her.
And if he’s not pursuing you, then I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he’s not into you.
2) It’s what society expects from them
Yes, yes, I know that it’s 2023 and that we’re modern women who can ask a guy out.
But that doesn’t change the fact that for thousands of years, men have been the ones to “make the move”. It used to be totally unthought of for a woman to pursue a guy – in fact, it was thought of as inappropriate.
And even today when we can ask a guy out and even pay for dinner, there’s still a lot of pressure from society for a man to “be a man” and thus pursue the woman.
Society expects him to pursue you – and if he wants you – he will.
3) It’s easier than ever before to approach a woman
We’ve generally all become less formal, especially when it comes to dating. It’s never been easier to walk up to a girl and ask her out.
And to stay in touch with her – a guy has so many options: he can call her, text her, email her, or write to her on social media.
There’s really no excuse not to reach out if he likes you.
4) They go after what they want
Unless they have trouble communicating with others or issues with their confidence, men go after what they want.
They are driven by their desire and the need to feel wanted. What’s more, they’re looking for someone to connect with, to be intimate with, and possibly even start a family with.
In short: Men will take risks and make an effort to get the woman they want to be with.
5) If a guy wants sex, he’ll work to get it
And let’s not forget about sex. All men want sex.
Some men may be looking for more, but let’s not kid ourselves – they too want sex.
So, whether a guy wants just sex or sex and something more meaningful, he knows that he has to work for it.
If a guy isn’t pursuing you, I’m sorry but he isn’t interested in you. Period.
6) They know that it’s romantic and brave
Guys grow up with the same fairytales and romcoms as girls do.
They know that pursuing a woman is thought of as brave and romantic. This means that if a guy wants to sweep you off your feet, he knows he has to make an effort.
7) They know they’ve got competition
Here’s another thing:
A guy knows that unless he does something to show you that he’s interested – unless he makes a move – he’s going to lose you to another guy.
I mean, think about it: you’re quite a catch and he’s not the only guy on the planet, right?
With that in mind, if the guy you like isn’t pursuing you, if he’s not afraid to lose you to someone else, then he’s just not into you.
8) Doing nothing = no girl
Finally, men know that inaction never got anyone anywhere.
They know they can’t get the girl unless they go after the girl.
The bottom line is: If he wants you, he’ll pursue you. Don’t give yourself false hope by finding excuses for him.
How to get him to pursue you
1) Show him that you need him
I have to mention biology again because with guys, there’s quite a lot of primal instinct involved.
If you want a guy to pursue you, if you want him to want you: make him feel needed.
I know it may seem silly in this day and age but a guy has this thing called the “Hero instinct” which when triggered, makes him love harder, commit stronger, and fight for what he wants.
You don’t exactly have to play the damsel in distress, you just need to show some “feminine frailty”.
For example, ask him to help you put together your shelf from IKEA. Let him feel needed, let him “be a man” and trust me, he’ll want you so bad that he won’t stop until he gets you.
If you want to find out more about this fascinating concept, watch James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He’ll explain more about the hero instinct and give you some tips to get you started so that you can trigger your man’s hero instinct ASAP.
Click here to watch the free video.
2) Show him you’re interested
Next, if you want a guy to pursue you, he has to know that you’re interested in him. If you play too hard to get, you may come off as cold and uninterested.
It’s all about finding the perfect balance between acting too eager and appearing not to be interested. You want to encourage him without appearing desperate.
Does that make sense?
3) Give him space
Want him to pursue you?
Then you have to give some space. You can’t be texting and calling him all the time and expect him to come after you.
Take a step back and let him breathe.
Play it cool and let him come to you. You should also be…
4) Be confident
It’s no secret that confidence is an attractive quality.
You need to be sure of yourself, to know that any guy would be lucky to have you, and to act like you know it.
Trust me, confidence makes all the difference when it comes to attraction.
I love flirting – it’s innocent enough but filled with so much potential.
When you flirt with a guy you’re letting him know that if he plays his cards right, he may have a shot with you.
There are no guarantees, but by flirting with him you’re telling him you like him and you’re encouraging him to pursue you.
7) Keep things light
There’s nothing less sexy than a woman who complains on a first date.
Here’s the thing: The first date is all about getting to know each other, and if you spend it listing your ailments, complaining about your colleagues, or telling your date that the world is a horrible place to live, he’s not going to want to have a second date.
So if you want to keep him interested and you want him to pursue you, then you have to keep things light and positive.
Talk about your hobbies or how you like to travel. Smile and laugh and let him feel good in your presence. This is guaranteed to make him want to see you again.
8) Make him feel appreciated
It’s really not that complicated. Guys want to feel appreciated – this makes them feel special and important.
If you want your guy to come after you, then you need to show him that you appreciate him by complimenting: his achievements, his intelligence, and his sense of humor.
This really all goes back to what I mentioned earlier – the hero instinct.
By making him feel special and valued, you’ll trigger his hero instinct and get him to pursue you. Men are quite simple really, they just want to feel needed and appreciated.
Here’s the link to the free video again.
Signs he’s pursuing you
Now that we know why men pursue the women they want and how to get him to pursue you, let’s take a look at the signs that he is pursuing you.
Because believe it or not, some women don’t know how to tell if a guy is pursuing them, and I don’t blame them, because depending on the guy, it’s not always obvious.
1) He won’t make you wait forever to contact you
Look, when you go out on a date with a guy, if he likes you, he’s not going to make you wait to hear from him.
Sure, we all have rules such as “you have to wait a day” before texting so that you stay desirable and not appear too eager.
But if a guy you went on date with hasn’t texted you for several days after the date, I really don’t think he’s playing hard to get. Maybe you thought the date went well but the truth is, he didn’t.
In short: If a guy likes you, he’ll text you later that night or the next day.
2) He’s constantly making date plans
He’ll want to see you ask as much as he can. In fact, he’ll try and spend all his free time with you.
So if a guy is constantly planning dates with you, you can be sure that he’s pursuing you.
3) The dates he takes you on are romantic
And boy are the dates romantic. I mean, he’s going all out.
From fancy restaurants to carriage rides in the park, he’s making it pretty clear how he feels about you.
4) He buys you flowers and chocolates
Another sign that you’re being pursued by a guy is the fact that he keeps surprising you with flowers, chocolates, and other romantic gestures.
It may seem old-fashioned but I love getting flowers (in fact I have to keep reminding my husband of that fact).
It’s clear that this guy really likes you and wants you to know it.
5) He sends you romantic texts
He’ll send you romantic quotes like, “You should be kissed and often, by someone who knows how” or he’ll write a poem about how you make him feel.
Or maybe he’ll be more straightforward and tell you something like “I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful you looked tonight.” Aaaw!
And you thought romance was dead.
6) He smiles a lot
Smiling is the universal sign of happiness as well as attraction.
If a guy keeps smiling whenever he’s around you, it’s because you make him feel good and he’s trying to show you that he’s interested in getting to know you better.
7) He makes excuses to touch you
I’m talking about his hand brushing yours as he reaches out for his drink. His hand on your shoulder. A hug when you meet. His knee touching your knee under the table.
These are all very subtle yet very meaningful gestures.They show that he yearns for your touch.
He’s a gentleman and doesn’t want to come off too strong, but he wants to let you know that he wants you.
8) He stares deep into your eyes
They say that the eyes are the window to the soul.
And boy do you feel like you’ll melt away when he gazes into yours.
This is body language 101.
Gazing into your eyes is a form of non-verbal communication expressing his desire to get close to you.
By looking deep into your eyes he’s telling you that he wants to get to know the person behind those eyes.
9) He actively listens to you
A guy who likes you will listen to you – and I don’t mean nod his head as you talk – I mean really and actively listen.
But how will you know that he’s not just pretending?
Because he’ll make remarks and ask questions. Because he’ll remember something you told him days or weeks ago, that’s how.
10) He gives you a pet name
I’m not talking about calling you “babe”, you can call anyone you’re casually hooking up with babe. I’m talking about sweet and cheesy pet names like “pumpkin” and “honey bunny”.
Pet names are somewhat intimate and show that he’s looking for more than just casual dating.
11) He’s protective of you
- He’ll hold your hand in a crowded street.
- He calls you a cab.
- He walks you to your door when it’s dark.
- He texts you to see that you got home safe.
- He stands up for you if someone is rude to you.
You know what all this means right?
That you’ve triggered his hero instinct of course!
You’ve managed to reach a part of him that makes him want to protect you and be there for you. He wants to be your man and he’ll pursue you until he’s made you his.
Watch Bauer’s video here to find out more about the hero instinct.
12) He compliments you
Of course he’ll compliment the way you look, but it’s more than that.
He’ll tell you that you have a great sense of humor. He’ll tell you how something you did at work is really clever. He’ll tell you that he’s never met anyone like you before.
Has he won you over yet? If not, check out the next sign…
13) He introduces you to his friends
Wow, this is no small step. If he’s introducing you to the people in his inner circle it means that he’s serious about you.
Do you really need another sign?
Finally – if he doesn’t show interest, let him go
Look, when it comes to dating, there’s nothing worse than falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s frustrating, disappointing, heartbreaking, and even embarrassing at times.
And sometimes, it’s hard to admit to ourselves that he’s just not that into us, so we keep hoping that he’ll come around and we’ll keep making excuses for him.
But the thing is that if he’s not pursuing you – he’s not interested and that means you need to let him go and move on. I know it’s not easy, but it’s in your best interest. You need to accept the situation and move on.
Instead of wasting your time on some guy who doesn’t see how much you have to offer, you need to put yourself out there again so that you can meet someone who’ll appreciate you.
Remember: You deserve to be loved. Just because this guy isn’t the one, doesn’t mean that the one isn’t out there somewhere, waiting to meet you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.