Clifton Kopp
Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Look around the world we live in, and you’ll find no shortage of people who refuse to mature, no matter how old they get.
Trapped in a kind of permanent adolescence, these are people who still think and behave like children, as though they’ve learned nothing from all the time they’ve been alive.
Unsurprisingly, these are not great people to be around.
And often, people who lack wisdom and maturity give themselves away by the things they say. You don’t have to get very far into a conversation with them to discover their lack of maturity.
Here are some phrases that are a dead giveaway of a man who still has a lot of growing up to do.
1) “All my exes were crazy.”
By now, this is become a well-known red flag when it comes to dating. And that applies to both men and women. But it’s also a sign of someone who lacks wisdom and maturity in a more casual setting.
And it doesn’t even have to be ex-partners, either. When someone says something like this, it’s a sure sign that they lack wisdom and maturity.
That’s because they blame others for their problems.
Whether it’s ex-girlfriends or a string of bad bosses they say they worked for, if a guy blames everyone he’s encountered for the problems he’s had in life and never takes the time to look at himself, you can guarantee he’s still operating at an immature level.
Here’s the thing: almost everything that happens in your life is your responsibility.
Yes, some things are out of our control. But we can always control our reaction to outside events. Mature people understand that which is why they take responsibility for everything in their lives.
On the other hand, blaming others is something children and immature people do. And it’s a great way to guarantee you learn nothing from your mistakes.
2) “It’s not my fault.”
Following on from that, an immature person is always looking for ways to escape responsibility.
Whatever bad things happen to them, it’s never their fault. They always have an excuse or a reason why they don’t hold themselves responsible for the negative things that have happened to them.
Funnily enough, they never apply the same logic to the good things that happen. Somehow, they are responsible for all of those.
In psychology, this is called having an external locus of control.
“Locus of control is the extent to which you feel you have control over events that impact your life,” writes psychologist Kendra Cherry.
“If you believe that you hold the keys to your fate, you are more likely to change your situation when needed. Conversely, if you think that the outcome is out of your hands, you may be less likely to work toward change.”
When you blame others for your problems, you deny yourself the opportunity to learn and improve. That’s the mentality that keeps immature people trapped in their immature world, while people who accept responsibility grow and change.
3) “I’m just unlucky.”
Sometimes, a person with an external locus of control runs out of people to blame for the circumstances of their life. But don’t worry; they can always blame the universe in general.
People who claim to be unlucky may not realize that they are talking about something supernatural, but they are.
The truth is, the universe doesn’t care about any of us, and it isn’t out to get anybody in particular.
People who consider themselves unlucky are more often than not the architects of their own misfortune.
And even when they do encounter a genuinely unfair twist of fate, the way we all do from time to time, their reaction to that misfortune is what determines the shape their life takes more than the bad luck itself.
4) “Emotions are for the weak.”
A lot of people, especially boys, are taught from an early age that showing any emotion is a sign of personal weakness.
However, that’s the kind of programming that a mature man is able to leave behind.
Mature people understand that emotions are part of life and that it would be a poorer life without them.
At the same time, they understand that emotions aren’t what should shape your decisions in life.
In other words, it’s fine to feel very deeply about things that matter. But you shouldn’t let that make your decisions for you.
Immature men never get this memo. Instead, they spend their lives in a futile quest to deny their own emotional lives. This leaves them emotionally stunted and unable to deal with the emotions of others.
5) “Why read books when you have the Internet?”
Beware of men who don’t read books.
We’ve never lived in a more literate time. But for many people, reading means looking up whatever they can find to support their positions on the Internet.
And unfortunately, a huge portion of what’s out there online is either outright lies or at least extremely biased and misleading.
Psychologists Paula J Schwanenflugel and Nancy Flanagan Knapp point out that reading:
- helps you gain specific knowledge
- raises your IQ level
- helps your brain develop
- increases empathy
- helps you live a more productive life
There aren’t many articles on the Internet that can make the same claims. And that’s coming from someone who writes online for living.
6) “Someone should do something.”
This phrase, and others like it, are another sign of someone who refuses to take responsibility.
Look, we’re all aware of problems in the world. But someone who is always looking to other people to solve them is still stuck in the mentality of a child.
The thing is, we are the adults in the room now. If we aren’t going to improve things, in our lives and in society around us, nobody else will.
A wise and mature man accepts responsibility for changing the things he can change and doesn’t blame himself for the things he can’t. A man who has not yet learned that is one with a lot of growing up to do.
7) “Apologizing makes you look weak.”
Any man who has not yet learned the power of a sincere apology is one who can barely call himself a man.
We are all human, and we all make mistakes. What sets a wise man apart from others is that he takes responsibility for those mistakes and apologizes to others when he knows he’s wrong.
Far from being a sign of weakness, being able to recognize when you’ve wronged someone and make amends for it shows incredible strength and self-awareness.
It demonstrates that you have enough control over your ego to put it aside and acknowledge the truth of your actions and failings.
Men who never apologize are the weakest men of all, because they can’t take the necessary hit to the ego it requires to admit when they’ve fallen short.
8) “I’m never wrong.”
I used to know a guy who honestly believed this. He would argue till he was blue in the face to justify his own actions, twisting logic and distorting facts to make himself seem better in every situation.
Needless to say, I don’t talk to him anymore.
A wise man knows that no one is perfect. And in fact, the more you journey along the path of self-awareness and growth, the more you learn about just how imperfect and wrong you are.
Growing as a person creates ever-deepening humility as you realize just how wrong you can be.
“Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak “psychological constitution,” that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate,” writes psychologist and author Guy Winch.
These are people who are completely in the grip of the ego and unable to see themselves the way others do. This is a highly immature and unwise psychological position that prevents these men from ever developing as people.
9) “You know what you should do?”
Strangely enough, it’s often the people who are the least mature and psychologically developed who feel the most qualified to give other people advice.
Look, it’s okay to give other people advice from time to time, especially if they ask for it.
But a wise man knows that you should be sparing in the advice you give others, and only offer it if you genuinely have a point of view that may help.
On the other hand, immature men love to spew their opinions in the form of advice at other people, constantly telling them what they should do with their lives even though they themselves still have a lot of work to do.
Avoiding immature men
Unfortunately, the world is full of men who refuse to grow up. But by keeping an eye out for these phrases, you can spot them fairly quickly.
Then, where possible, you can avoid them. Because men who haven’t taken the time to learn how to be mature adults are usually best avoided.
