Lucas Graham
Confidence is how you get the girl. But you probably already know that.
Things get much more complex when we acknowledge the fact that confidence comes in various colors and shades, and not all behavior that seems confident actually comes from a place of high self-esteem.
What’s more, confidence isn’t just about how you feel on the inside. It’s grounded in the way you carry yourself, in every action you make, and in your choice of words.
So, if a man uses these 8 phrases in a conversation… it means he probably lacks self-confidence.
1) “Whatever you want”
“Would you like to go to restaurant A or B?”
“Whatever you want.”
“What would you like for dinner?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Hey, where should we go on a date this week?”
“Wherever you want.”
You might think that letting the other person choose everything is a gesture of benevolence and respect – you want to see them happy, after all, so why wouldn’t you let them pick what they want to do? – but in reality, this kind of behavior signals a lack of self-confidence.
Yep, that’s right. A man who doesn’t know what he wants is a man whose self-esteem might be in trouble.
I’m not saying you should always be in charge of everything, of course. But let yourself have a say. All you need to do is express what your preference is and see how the other person responds.
Things don’t necessarily have to go your way, and if you’re fine with that, that’s completely okay. It shows healthy flexibility.
But don’t just “whatever you want” other people. Instead, try: “I’d prefer option B, what about you?”
2) “I’m probably wrong”
…so why should I listen to you in the first place?
Look, I completely understand if you want to express some amount of doubt about what you’re saying. You know, just to be on the safe side. After all, you’re not a library. You don’t need to know everything there is to know about the world with 100% certainty.
But the phrase “I’m probably wrong” isn’t the way to go. It automatically devalues your position, highlighting your lack of confidence.
Here are a few better alternatives:
- “Don’t quote me on this, but I’ve read that…”
- “If I remember correctly…”
- “I think I’ve heard X, but let’s check if it’s true…”
It’s completely okay to admit you’re not sure of something. In fact, it’s a sign of healthy humility and honesty. But the words you use to pass along that information are of the utmost importance.
3) “I’m absolutely right”
Sometimes, a lack of self-confidence is hidden behind a display of too much self-esteem.
This is why the complete opposite of “I’m probably wrong” usually means the exact same thing: you’re not comfortable in your own skin.
When you insist that what you’re saying is 100% correct even though you’re not completely sure, it’s a sign you don’t want to lose face. You’re so terrified of being proven wrong or admitting a “defeat” that you stubbornly stick to your opinion.
Even if it means getting into an argument or lying.
Of course, there may be situations where you’re so certain of what you’re saying that this little phrase makes sense.
However, most things in life are never 100% certain because science constantly keeps progressing and updating itself, which means that as long as you’re not talking about basic mathematics, there’s always a small chance you might be a tiny bit wrong.
And if it turns out you are… the most confident thing you can do is to accept and admit it with your head held high.
4) “It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it”
Another way to save face and preserve your dignity is to always keep your feelings to yourself, never open up, and learn to come to terms with situations you don’t actually like.
Right?
Well, that’s what men who lack self-confidence think. If someone wants them to express how they truly feel, they just wave their hand and say, “It’s no big deal. Don’t worry about it.”
But why shouldn’t that person worry?
I mean, there’s clearly something wrong. The most effective way to deal with the issue at hand is to talk it through and ensure both parties are on the same page.
It’s not a weakness to admit you have a problem with something. What’s more, refusing to communicate will only contribute to feelings of confusion and instability in the relationship, which could potentially lead to a huge argument further down the line.
Explain how you feel. A person who loves you, cares about you, and wants to sort things out in a mature and respectful manner will hear you out.
5) “Let’s not get into it”
On a similar note, refusing to open up about your opinions usually signals that you aren’t confident enough to present yourself as your authentic self and stand your ground.
I’ve gone on dates with men who straight-up decided to keep quiet about their opinions on major political or societal issues, waving my questions away in dismissal and saying, “Let’s not get into it.”
Why the hell not?
We’re on a date so that we can get to know each other better. If we find out that our core values aren’t in alignment, at least we know where we stand, right?
The issue is that some men would rather get the girl and keep their opinions to themselves than be honest and face a potential disagreement.
But do you know what true confidence is?
It’s the ability to go out with a woman or man you’re attracted to, be honest about who you are, and accept that if you’re not a match, it’s no big deal.
True confidence is up-front authenticity.
6) “I just got lucky, that’s all”
No, you didn’t.
While luck does play a role in everyone’s success, it’s never just about luck itself. If you contribute all your hard work to luck, you’re putting yourself down in front of others.
And for what? So that you seem more humble?
Humility is great, don’t get me wrong, but not at the expense of your sense of self-worth.
You’ve achieved a great deal. You should be proud of yourself.
I’m not telling you to brag at every opportunity. I’m just saying that if someone compliments you, your automatic response shouldn’t be to wave away your work and effort as if it were nothing.
A simple “Thank you” will do.
7) “Thank you, thank you so much”
Right now, you might be thinking something along the lines of, “You’re telling me that thanking people means I lack self-confidence? No way!”
And you’d be right. Just as I said in the section above, “Thank you” is an excellent response – not only when someone compliments you but in almost every circumstance.
“Thank you” never hurt anybody, and what’s more, it shows your ability to feel grateful and accept other people’s gestures of kindness with grace. Those are qualities grounded in genuine confidence.
However, there can be too much of a good thing. If you thank someone too often, you’ll come across as desperate because you’re immediately placing yourself in the position of an overly grateful receiver.
Don’t demean yourself unnecessarily. One “Thank you” is usually enough.
8) “I’m so, so sorry!”
“Sorry” works on the same principle as “Thank you”.
Apologizing for making a mistake is a very confident thing to do, but if you apologize so often that people have to tell you to stop…
It means you’re so uncomfortable in your skin that you feel the need to constantly apologize for everything that goes wrong in the world.
Even if it’s not your fault.
Both “Thank you” and “Sorry” are amazing phrases, but only if you use them sparingly and in situations where they truly carry weight.
Words have power, so choose them wisely.
