If a man often uses these 6 phrases, he has almost zero self-awareness

I have a question for you.

What do you think is the number one thing that makes relationships work?

It’s not loyalty or honesty. It’s not trust, either. Nope, not even communication.

Don’t get me wrong, all those things are incredibly important, but they all lay upon the same foundation: emotional intelligence.

Researchers say that your EQ determines your success in life much more than IQ does, which isn’t really all that shocking when you think about it – EQ is basically a compilation of the best and wisest qualities a human being could possess, from emotional self-regulation to social skills.

And self-awareness is part of the package.

If a man often uses these 6 phrases, it means he has almost zero self-awareness. Watch out.

1) “X made me do it”

…except no one can make you do anything.

Sure, people may pressure you or try to persuade you, but at the end of the day, you call the shots.

A man who says that Kevin or Joe or Rebecca made him do something is a man who cannot own up to his own mistakes.

He might try to hide behind excuses or rationalize his behavior, but at the end of the day, his lack of self-awareness is blatantly clear – instead of taking accountability for his actions, he blames everyone but himself just so that he doesn’t have to reflect upon his behavior and actively choose to change.

Remember that a self-aware and emotionally intelligent man is more than willing to put his hand up and say, “I screwed up and I’m sorry.”

He won’t try to escape the consequences of his own actions. Instead, he’ll face them with dignity and grace.

2) “I didn’t mean for this to happen”

And while we’re on the topic of consequences, a self-aware man will, of course, try to avoid making mistakes in the first place.

This isn’t to say he’ll always act in sync with his highest self and be absolutely perfect. That’s impossible. But he will try his best to make his relationships work and stick to some moral principles.

The easiest and most effective way to do precisely that is to simply think through the possible consequences of his actions.

If he does X, what could it mean for his romantic relationship or one of his friendships?

If he says Y, would Fiona take offense? If he jokes about Z, would Joey mind?

Self-awareness isn’t just about self-knowledge. It’s also about the ability to navigate social situations with perceptiveness and skill; it’s about self-restraint and self-control.

If a man constantly behaves in a way that’s hurtful to other people or that hinders his relationships with others and then says he “didn’t mean for this to happen” or “didn’t think his actions would lead to this,” it most likely means he lacks self-awareness and emotional maturity.

3) “It’s not such a big deal, just chill out”

Moving on to one of the most annoying phrases of all time, the way you respond to other people’s emotional experiences is yet another way to determine your level of self-awareness.

If someone has a meltdown because of something that’s happened to them or if they bring up an issue that seriously concerns them, the least helpful and most emotionally immature thing you could do is dismiss or judge them.

It doesn’t matter whether you think that the person in question is overreacting. What matters is that their feelings are very much real and that waving those emotions away as if they didn’t matter isn’t going to solve the situation.

On the contrary, it’ll probably make everything worse.

Men who say that “it’s not such a big deal” and that you should “just calm down” lack the necessary communication tools to offer reassurance and emotional support.

What’s more, they may have very little self-awareness because they don’t consider how their words will impact the other person.

4) “I’m fine, nothing’s wrong”

If you say you’re fine when you truly and genuinely are, it’s not a problem.

But when most people say they’re “fine,” they’re actually as far from “fine” as you can get.

And that’s when things begin to go south, especially if the man in question is in so much self-denial that he simply refuses to admit to himself just how upset he is.

Far too many men bottle up their emotions, afraid to open up. Far too many men tell themselves they’re doing just fine when they actually need help.

In a relationship, this may manifest as passive-aggressive behavior or conflict avoidance – no matter how much you try to press the issue, the man you’re dating stubbornly tries to pretend that nothing’s bothering him just so that he doesn’t have to face a potential argument.

But what many such men don’t realize is that conflict can be a good thing.

As long as both parties approach it with a mature and solution-oriented approach, conflict can be so productive that it brings you even closer together because it helps you understand one another better.

But it takes two to tango. If one partner refuses to communicate openly and be honest with themselves about how they feel, it’s incredibly difficult to face conflicts together.

5) “This isn’t my fault!”

Not even a little bit? Was there not a single thing you could have done differently?

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of cases where people genuinely did nothing wrong. I’m the last person who’d want to victim blame.

But context is extremely important here.

Let’s say you and your partner are having relationship troubles. You’re acting overly clingy while he struggles to give you reassurance.

He might say that “it’s not his fault” that you’re always so needy, but while he can’t control how you feel and act (on that level, he’s correct), he’s failing to acknowledge that your relationship is built upon a certain dynamic – a dynamic that he participates in.

Yes, you’re too clingy. But his lack of reassurance only makes things worse. In fact, there’s a high chance that if he were more affectionate, you’d feel less anxious.

This doesn’t mean he’s to blame. It just means he ought to take responsibility for the role that he has to play in the problem at hand.

It may not be entirely his fault, but he can’t just throw up his hands and walk away as if the issue didn’t concern him. Because it very much does.

And a self-aware man knows that.

6) “This is just who I am”

 Finally, “This is just who I am” is one of the least self-aware phrases in existence.

This is because it pretends to be self-aware – the person in question is trying to tell you that they know and love themselves for who they are – but it actually misses one vital component.

Growth.

If you make a mistake and wave it away as something that’s just part of your personality, you’re not learning anything. You’re not growing and evolving.

You’re just rooted in one place, too afraid to move even an inch.

No, you shouldn’t change the very basis of who you are just to get along with other people. But you also shouldn’t stubbornly cling to your identity and refuse to change your behavior even though it harms your relationships.

The best course of action is to remain in the middle between these two extremes.

Be open to criticism and stay authentic to your principles. Work on yourself and forgive yourself. Be honest about your weaknesses and be proud of your strengths.

Thus the true magic of self-awareness: humility mixed with confidence.