In 1996, country singer Deana Carter released her debut album “Did I Shave My Legs for This?”
Well, did you?
It’s not always easy to tell: a nice face and pleasant charms doesn’t always mean a guy is worth your efforts. Sometimes it’s the diamonds in the rough you should be focusing your attention on instead.
Here’s a guide I’ve put together for what guys are worth your time and what guys aren’t.
If a man doesn’t have the following qualities, he’s not worth the energy.
1) He’s civil and respectful
Being civil and respectful goes a long way.
Any man who’s worth your time is going to have a certain level of decorum and politeness.
Even if he’s a bad boy, he’s going to behave himself around women, the elderly and people in his life.
Any man worth your time knows how to put a sentence together without cursing and can take care of himself in a responsible way.
2) He’s well-groomed and clean
The man who’s worth your time is well-groomed and clean.
He knows his way around a comb or razor and he showers and uses products like deodorant (or even cologne).
He dresses well, but not extravagantly, and he has upright body language and looks people in the eye when he meets them.
He hits the gym sometimes and is actively improving his physique and his health.
This is the man who’s worth your attention:
He doesn’t need to be a supermodel, but he takes care of himself.
3) He listens to what you say
The man who’s worth your time is an active listener.
He hears the words you say and hears the needs and deeper reasons behind what you’re saying.
Any man who ignores what you say or dismisses it without really considering it, is going to make a poor partner.
When times get tough, he’ll be nowhere to be found.
A man who listens is a must.
4) He’s caring and empathetic
I believe that a man should try to adhere to typically masculine ideals about looking after a woman and being strong.
But that doesn’t mean he should be an oaf:
In fact, it’s the opposite.
He should be caring and empathetic about you, without being overly emotive and needy about his own issues.
It may not be “fair,” but this is the polarization that leads to attraction in a relationship.
5) He respects and supports your dreams
Any man worth your while is going to be supportive of your dreams.
He won’t always agree, of course.
But whenever possible he will be aligned with your core values and your plans for the future.
The man who truly respects you and cares for you, will also see the value in your dreams.
He may give you his own input on how to achieve them or approach them, but the basic support you need is always there.
6) He’s smart and perceptive
Your guy doesn’t have to be a Nobel prize winner, and intellectualism is overrated.
But you want to be spending time on men who have a brain.
You want him to be perceptive and notice his surroundings. This includes emotional intelligence in perceiving how you feel and what it means.
The guy who’s worth your time is a man who’s among the upper end of the bell curve on being a decent human while also being fairly sharp.
7) He’s hardworking and dedicated
You want to spend your time on a man who’s hardworking and cares about what he does.
At work, in his personal life and in his everyday small actions, he shows a certain level of care and attention to detail that other men simply don’t.
He cleans up after himself and isn’t just the kind of guy who expects his partner to mop up after him or feed him like a big baby.
He’s a real man, and he shows that with every step.
Speaking of dedicated…
8) He’s responsible and committed
Not every high quality man is going to be quick to commit. In fact it’s often the opposite.
But you want to spend your time on a man who’s willing to commit completely for the right person.
In other words, you want somebody who’s got that potential in him.
How do you know?
Words are cheap, but look for the attentiveness and care in his actions to find out if he’s really the type to be a one-woman man.
9) He values and trusts you
This may seem obvious, but many women end up wasting a lot of time on men who don’t respect or trust them.
You want a guy who’s at least open to eventually trusting you.
You want a guy who values you and doesn’t see you as a discardable object or some toy he can pick up and put down.
Again, it seems very apparent, but far too often women settle for less than they deserve or interpret a man’s disrespectful behavior as him being high-value.
Keep in mind, he’s not necessarily some deep enigma: he may just be a jerk.
10) He’s financially stable (or on the way there)
We can’t always meet someone at the ideal time in their (or our) lives.
But when the connection and spark is there, there are things like financial stability to look at.
You want a man who at least cares about getting his financial house in order.
He’s saving up money and has actual financial goals. He’s ready to be a responsible adult.
11) He’s emotionally and psychologically stable (or working on it)
You can’t demand perfection. We’re all works in progress.
But generally speaking, you want to be forming connections with a man who has his emotions under control and is mentally stable.
He may have issues. He’s likely to have emotional baggage.
But he’s self-aware, wants to keep working on himself and is conscientious about not taking out his issues on others.
These are all definite marks in the plus column.
12) He’s good natured and looking to build bridges, not burn them
Life is going to include a certain amount of clashes and conflict at work and in the personal realm.
That’s just how it goes.
But you want to find a man who is generally affable and good-natured:
This guy is looking to form connections and build bridges, rather than torch them or mutually destroy his enemies.
He’s focused on what he wants to achieve rather than on what’s stopping him.
13) He’s communicative and available
If you want to know if a man is worth your time, see if he finds you worth his time.
Does he answer your texts?
Is he straightforward about plans and does he communicate well?
Men who can’t handle the simple stuff simply aren’t going to handle the more complicated stuff.
Any man without basic competence to let you know when he’s available and engage in basic communication is a complete waste of your time.
This ties into the next point…
14) He’s honest about his thoughts and emotions
As I mentioned earlier, I’m a believer in guys trying to provide a more typically masculine, reassuring presence to their partner.
That said, honesty about emotions and thoughts are a necessity.
Any man you hope to form a real connection with has to be willing and able to open up about what he thinks and feels.
This means he needs to be self-aware and able to articulate himself at least somewhat.
15) He’s self-assured and not needy about your approval
There are some really kind men out there who are also, unfortunately, very needy.
This is not a man you want in your life.
Anybody who depends on somebody else for their self-value is eventually going to fall into codependence and inertia.
Instead, you want a man who is self-assured and tries his best to deal with his problems head-on and take responsibility.
He loves you and cares for you, but he doesn’t look to you for validation of his worth, he already knows it.