If a man displays these 9 specific behaviors in a relationship, he isn’t as committed as you think

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How someone behaves in a relationship speaks volumes about their commitment level. Sometimes, the signs are glaringly obvious, while other times, they’re subtle and easily missed.

But if you know what to look for, you can gauge your partner’s level of investment in the relationship.

It’s crucial not to jump to conclusions based on isolated incidents. However, if a man consistently displays these 9 specific behaviors, it could be a sign that his commitment isn’t as solid as you might believe.

This isn’t about instilling fear or doubt, but rather about fostering self-awareness and promoting open communication in your relationship.  

1) He avoids deep conversations

In a committed relationship, honest, meaningful communication is key. It builds trust, deepens understanding, and cements the bond between partners. But if a guy consistently dodges deeper talks, it could spell trouble.

It’s not about being a communication guru or hashing out deep stuff every day. It’s about his willingness to dive into meaningful conversations—ones about emotions, future plans, growth, and even relationship concerns.

If he keeps steering clear of those talks, brushing them off for lighter topics, or squirming when things get real, it’s a red flag. It could mean he’s not fully in, or he’s not up for that deep emotional connection commitment brings.

2) He’s often vague about his plans

If a man is truly committed, he’ll naturally want to include you in his future plans. But if he’s often vague or evasive when talking about his plans, whether it’s for the weekend or the distant future, this could be a red flag.

When I was less secure in my own relationships, I found myself avoiding detailed conversations about the future. It was my subtle way of keeping my options open. But as I grew and started taking full responsibility for my actions and feelings, I realized how unfair this was to my partner.

Being unclear about future plans might be an indication that he’s not envisioning a shared future. It doesn’t mean you should panic or jump to conclusions, but it’s definitely a point to take into consideration.

3) He doesn’t invest in your shared growth

Commitment in a relationship is not just about the here and now, but also about working together towards a shared future. A man who is truly committed will invest time and energy in nurturing your shared growth, both as individuals and as a couple.

If he tends to dismiss or neglect opportunities for shared learning and growth – be it attending a couples workshop, reading a relationship book together, or even just having meaningful conversations about personal development – it might indicate a lack of commitment.

In my video where I reflect on whether it’s too late for me to settle down and start a family in my 40s, I share insights from my own journey about commitment, growth, and the importance of shared values in a relationship:

If you’re interested in exploring more about living a life with authenticity and purpose, consider joining our community on YouTube. Over 20,000 people have already subscribed to dive deeper into topics around personal development, relationships, and living life on your own terms. You can subscribe here to join us on this journey.

4) He doesn’t respect your values and beliefs

Another major red flag for commitment issues? When your values and beliefs get trampled on. In any relationship, respect is non-negotiable—it’s the bedrock for trust and understanding.

If he scoffs at your principles, belittles your beliefs, or undermines what you hold dear, it’s a glaring sign he’s not fully in it. Partnership hinges on honoring and cherishing each other’s viewpoints, even when they clash.

In my book, a relationship thrives on authenticity and freedom. It’s about celebrating each other’s uniqueness while nurturing the bond you share.

5) He doesn’t support your dreams and aspirations

In a committed relationship, having each other’s backs is non-negotiable. It’s about fueling each other’s ambitions, lifting spirits when plans hit a snag, and rooting for those big dreams.

But if he shows zero interest in your aspirations or, worse, puts them down, his commitment might be wobbly. A true partner gets that your dreams define you and goes all-in to see you soar.

Here’s the deal: you deserve someone who’s all in on your journey, someone who celebrates your wins and stays rock-solid through the lows. That’s commitment—growing together, championing individual paths, and building a future side by side.

6) He’s always available

It might sound odd, but a guy who’s always free and lacks other commitments might not be as devoted to the relationship as you assume. In a healthy bond, both partners maintain their independence, pursuing passions and nurturing friendships alongside their shared journey.

If he lacks personal interests, hobbies, or a social circle outside of your relationship, it could signal a lack of self-awareness and growth. Sure, it may seem like he’s all in, but it could hint at codependency or a blurry sense of self.

Here’s the scoop: A committed partner prioritizes personal development. They grasp the importance of a life beyond the relationship and encourage you to thrive independently.

7) He avoids discussions about commitment

The next glaring red flag for commitment issues is when a guy consistently dodges talks about commitment itself. If he squirms or changes the topic whenever you broach the subject of where the relationship’s headed, it’s a big hint he might not be as committed as you thought.

Strong bonds thrive on open, candid dialogue. You should feel free to chat about your expectations and grasp each other’s take on commitment. But if he’s dodging these chats, it could spell trouble for the relationship’s future.

Here’s the deal: it’s not about pushing him into a commitment corner. It’s about clarity. You deserve someone who’s upfront and unafraid to tackle the big stuff.

8) He doesn’t make you a priority

If you’re not a top priority in his life, chances are his commitment to the relationship isn’t where it should be.

Now, that doesn’t mean he has to drop everything for you 24/7—we all have our own responsibilities and interests. But if he’s consistently putting other things ahead of your relationship without good reason, it’s a red flag.

Here’s the bottom line: in a committed relationship, mutual respect, care, and consideration are key. You deserve someone who sees you as a priority and puts in the time and effort to make the relationship thrive.

9) He’s not interested in meeting your friends or family

A true sign of commitment? Genuine interest in meeting the important people in your life—your friends and family. If he’s consistently dodging or showing no interest in meeting them, it could signal a lack of full investment in the relationship.

Meeting loved ones is a step toward deeper commitment, symbolizing a readiness to intertwine lives on a broader scale. His hesitation may suggest he’s not fully committed.

Don’t forget, relationships extend beyond just the two of you—they involve wider social circles too. A committed man gets this and genuinely wants to connect with the people who matter to you.

Understanding commitment: An ongoing process

At times, what seems like a lack of commitment may simply be fear, past trauma, or personal growth that still needs to happen. The key lies in open and honest communication, in empathizing with each other’s experiences, and in fostering mutual respect.

Whether it’s about nurturing shared growth, respecting each other’s beliefs, or making each other a priority, commitment is an ongoing process. It’s about choosing each other, every day, through the highs and lows.

In our journey together here and on my YouTube channel, we continue to explore these complex facets of relationships, personal growth, and living authentically. I invite you to join over 20,000 others who have subscribed to delve deeper into these topics.

As we conclude this article, I’d like you to reflect on this question: What does commitment look like to you in a relationship and how does it align with your values and aspirations?

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Justin Brown

Justin Brown is an entrepreneur and thought leader in personal development and digital media, with a foundation in education from The London School of Economics and The Australian National University. As the co-founder of Ideapod, The Vessel, and a director at Brown Brothers Media, Justin has spearheaded platforms that significantly contribute to personal and collective growth. His deep insights are shared on his YouTube channel, JustinBrownVids, offering a rich blend of guidance on living a meaningful and purposeful life.

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