Kiran Athar
Love bombing is when someone showers you with affection and attention, in an attempt to draw you in and manipulate you.
It’s not a new tactic, but more and more people are becoming aware of it.
At the start, it feels amazing. You feel like you’ve finally entered your very own fairy-tale whirlwind romance.
But sadly, the happy ending never comes. Once the love bomber gets what they want, they leave you, high and dry.
If you suspect you’re in this situation, or you just want to be clued up for future reference, read on.
If a man displays these 10 behaviors, he’s probably a love bomber (and you should probably run a mile!).
1) Overwhelming attention and affection
As I mentioned above, love bombers go in hard and fast with affection and attention.
You’ve only been on one date, but they’re already messaging you multiple times a day and expressing how much of a wonderful person they think you are.
If you’ve fallen for this, don’t beat yourself up.
We all want and crave attention, so when someone comes our way and makes us feel special, we buy into it.
But unfortunately, it’s just the first way in which a love bomber starts their grooming campaign.
My advice?
If it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Also – coming on too quickly, too soon is never a good sign.
2) Rapid commitment
Once a love bomber has firmly got you under their claws with all the gifts, compliments, and affection, they’ll want to lock you down.
By that, I mean to make the relationship exclusive.
When I was in my early 20s, this happened to me.
I’d only been dating the guy for about 3 weeks before he sat me down, and very seriously spoke about how this was the best few weeks of his life, and that we should make our relationship official.
I’ll be honest – I had my doubts at the time.
But he seemed like such a great guy. And he was super into me, which I found very flattering.
I’ll explain more throughout the article what happened in that relationship, but let’s just say, committing too soon is never a good idea.
Ultimately, you haven’t had enough time to get to know each other properly, and that’s a major red flag.
3) Excessive communication
Another behavior to look out for if you suspect you’re being wooed by a love bomber is excessive communication.
There’s being considerate and keeping in touch, and then there’s these guys.
You wake up, and you’ve already got a good morning message from them. Sweet, right?
You start work, another message.
Lunch break, a phone call.
On the way to the gym after work – more messages checking up on you.
By the time you lay your head down at night to sleep, you’ve easily exchanged a hundred messages, and he’s still going.
This is not normal.
It may feel exhilarating to begin with, but it’ll quickly become overwhelming.
By communicating with you excessively, he’s getting you hooked on him.
He wants you to get used to speaking to him constantly so that when he later withdraws his attention, you really feel it.
4) Isolation from others
While you’re busy chatting away with your new lover, you’ve not got much time for everyone else in your life.
You’re so caught up in this new, exciting relationship, with a man who just can’t get enough of you.
Until one day, when you decide to meet up with some friends. And your new man is suddenly jealous.
He’ll say it’s because he loves and cares about you so much.
But in reality, he wants to slowly take you away from your support group. Don’t be surprised if he even gets jealous of your family.
Essentially, he knows that the only thing stopping him from controlling you is the people around you.
Remove them, and he’s got you right where he wants you – vulnerable and alone.
5) Emotional highs and lows
Looking back on my relationship with a love bomber, one thing always stands out:
He was an emotional rollercoaster.
No joke, we could go from rolling around in bed, laughing our heads off one minute to the next, sitting in complete silence while he stewed about the tiniest thing.
I’d often be left wondering what on earth had happened.
And I felt emotionally drained a lot of the time.
This is something you might relate to if you’re also dealing with a love bomber.
Their mood swings keep us on our toes – we’re constantly walking on eggshells because we don’t know how they’ll react.
They’ll market it as being “passionate” but let’s be honest, mood swings are no fun at all.
Pay attention closely. You’ll notice the highs and lows happen usually when they’re not getting their way.
6) Ignoring boundaries
Another behavior commonly displayed by love bombers is overstepping boundaries.
Let’s say all that communication is getting overwhelming for you. You calmly ask him to avoid texting you during the day as you need to concentrate at work.
He might initially say it’s fine, but slowly he starts sending the odd message here and there again.
When you remind him of your request, he may act offended or accuse you of not wanting to talk to him anymore.
This is because manipulators of all types HATE boundaries.
They want to remain in control. They want to dictate how things go. In their mind, they’re thinking, “How dare she try to put limits on me?”
But in a normal relationship, boundaries are seen as healthy. A genuine partner would understand your need to concentrate when at work – they wouldn’t be offended by it.
7) Guilt-tripping
Let’s keep going with the example I used above.
When the love bomber becomes offended that you set a boundary, he’ll usually turn to guilt-tripping to change your mind.
Expect to hear things like:
“If you really cared about me, you’d text back. You’d know I’m just doing this for your own good”
Or…
“You know I just want to look out for you. Why would you push away someone who cares about you?”
Make no mistake, he’s playing on your kindness. He knows that you’ll feel guilty and that this guilt will push you further into doing what he wants.
8) Gaslighting
One thing my ex used to do was make me doubt whether certain things had actually happened.
If I called him out for staring and flirting with the waitress, he’d simply say, “That never happened. What are you on about? Are you paranoid?”
Gaslighting works like this. The manipulator wants you to question your own reality and memories.
This works in their favor – they can essentially control everything you think and feel.
And whenever they want to deny their bad behavior, they can.
This is probably one of the most dangerous tactics a manipulator uses because it messes with your mind and will make you doubt yourself. A lot.
9) Future faking
Has the guy you’re dating/in a relationship with mentioned the future yet? Has he already planned how many kids you’ll have, and how you’ll get a little dog and name him Teddy?
This is another common behavior of love bombers.
They want to create an entire illusion for you to buy into. They’re essentially faking a future with you.
And while this should come as a red flag (because they usually bring up this conversation wayyy too soon in the relationship) you might not pick up on it.
That’s because all of the other tactics they use throw you off.
Rather than seeing it as hasty, you think that they’re just keen. You think they’re in love with you, so why wouldn’t they want to plan a future with you?
Sadly, though, this is part of their game plan.
You’ll believe their vision and invest in it. You’ll do anything to make that dream become a reality, and the love bomber knows this.
10) Rapid changes in behavior
And finally, if a guy goes from hot to cold in no time, he’s probably a love bomber.
Note – this is different from emotional highs and lows.
This is more like texting you constantly, and then one day, suddenly going completely silent.
Or, planning a future with you, only for him to change his mind completely and start questioning the validity of the relationship.
It’s erratic behavior. Chaotic.
It usually happens either when they’ve got what they wanted from you, or when they realize you’re not going to fall for their tricks.
From your end, you’ll feel completely confused. Drained. Unsure of what to think or do.
How did they suddenly go from being so sweet and affectionate, to now wanting nothing to do with you?
I feel ya, sister.
Dealing with a love bomber isn’t easy, and I’m sorry if you’ve had to learn the hard way.
But I hope this article helps everyone who comes across it to spot such manipulators before things get too messy.
It’s a tough world, you’ve got to keep your wits about you, and as I said earlier:
If it seems too good to be true, it usually is.
Trust your gut feelings, especially if things are moving too fast.
