If a man displays these 7 behaviors, he’s only pretending to love you

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Navigating the landscape of love can often feel like walking through a maze, full of twists and turns that can leave us questioning what’s real. 

It’s heart-wrenching to think that someone’s affections could be less than genuine, especially when we’ve invested our hearts fully. 

A close friend of mine experienced this firsthand, mistaking a façade for true love. It’s a tough pill to swallow, realizing that the person you thought was ‘the one’ is merely wearing a mask. 

If you’re grappling with doubts and looking for clarity, this article is for you, exploring the subtle yet telling signs that he might just be pretending to love you.

1) Inconsistency in communication

Communication is the lifeline of any strong relationship, but what happens when his messages are as unpredictable as a rollercoaster? 

One day he’s showering you with attention, and the next, he’s nowhere to be found. 

My friend experienced this confusing pattern, and it left her feeling like she was on an emotional merry-go-round.

When a man is genuinely in love, he strives for consistency in communication. He wants to check in, hear about your day, and share in your joys and struggles. 

If his texts and calls are sporadic, leaving you in a perpetual state of uncertainty, it’s a red flag. It shows a lack of genuine interest and investment in building a stable, secure connection.

Inconsistent communication sends a message that you’re not a priority, and that he’s only reaching out when it suits him or when he needs something. 

Love shouldn’t leave you guessing or waiting by the phone. It should feel secure, steady, and reliable. So, if you find yourself in this pattern, take a step back and reflect — you deserve someone who’s all in, not just when it’s convenient for them.

2) He avoids talking about the future

Love is not just about enjoying the present moments together; it’s also about building a future and making plans. 

If he talks about the future in abstract terms, always pushing it off to a distant day that never seems to come closer, it’s a sign that he might not be as committed as you are

Concrete plans and commitments are replaced with “somedays” and “maybes,” leaving you in a state of perpetual uncertainty.

When a man truly loves you, he wants to secure a place for you in his future. He’s not afraid to make plans, whether it’s a holiday next summer or attending a friend’s wedding together. 

He understands that a future together is a mutual investment and does not shy away from discussing it or making commitments.

So, if you find yourself in a relationship where the future is always just out of reach, it might be time to ask yourself if this is the love you deserve. 

Real love plans, commits, and builds a future together – it doesn’t keep you waiting in the wings of uncertainty.

3) He doesn’t make time for you

In a loving relationship, making time for each other is a priority, not an afterthought. But what if you find yourself constantly rearranging your schedule, while he never seems to budge? 

My friend was all too familiar with this one-sided dance, always the one to compromise while he remained unyielding.

When a man truly cares, he goes out of his way to make time for you, no matter how busy life gets. He values your presence and wants to share moments with you, big or small. 

If he’s only available when it’s convenient for him, it’s a clear sign that you’re not so high on his priorities list.

In my friend’s case, she found herself waiting for him to find time in his schedule, her own needs and plans often sidelined. 

It was a painful realization, but one that needed to be made: she deserved someone who would meet her halfway, who would value her time as much as his own.

4) He doesn’t introduce you to friends or family

Being in a relationship means intertwining your lives, and that includes the important people in it. My friend was with a man for quite some time, yet she never got to meet his friends or family. 

It left her feeling like a secret, hidden away from the rest of his life.

When a man is serious about you, he will be eager to bring you into his world, proudly introducing you to those he cares about. He wants to show you off because he sees a future with you. 

So if all you’ve seen of his friends is their social media profiles, it might be a sign that he’s not as committed as you deserve.

My friend deserved to be with someone who wasn’t hesitant to integrate her into all aspects of his life. She needed a man who would be proud to have her by his side, in front of friends, family, and anyone who mattered to him. And you do too. 

Don’t settle for someone who keeps you on the outskirts of his life. You are worth being shown off and being part of his whole world, not just the parts he chooses to share.

5) He doesn’t support your goals

In a truly loving relationship, your partner is your biggest cheerleader, supporting you in all your endeavors. 

My friend, however, was in a relationship where her dreams and ambitions were often met with indifference, or even discouragement.

When she spoke passionately about her goals, her partner would either brush them off or point out the potential pitfalls rather than the possibilities. Instead of feeling uplifted, she felt deflated, her dreams diminished.

A man who truly loves you will encourage you to pursue your aspirations, believing in your potential even when you might doubt it yourself. 

He understands that your success and happiness contribute to a healthy, thriving relationship.

It became clear to my friend that she needed a partner who would stand by her side, sharing in her triumphs and comforting her during setbacks. 

She, just like you too, deserved someone who saw her potential and encouraged her to reach it, not someone who held her back.

6) He criticizes you

It’s normal for couples to give each other constructive feedback, but there’s a fine line between helping someone grow and constantly criticizing them. My friend’s ex-partner crossed this line way too often. 

In between all the sweet talk, he would nitpick her appearance, her work, and even her personality. 

When she added it all together, she started to get the feeling like she could never do anything right in his eyes.

At first, she thought he was just trying to help her improve, but over time, she realized that his constant criticism was chipping away at her self-esteem. 

This is a classic manipulation tactic. It’s not about love; it’s about control. A partner who truly loves you will lift you up, not tear you down. 

They will celebrate your strengths and help you work on your weaknesses, all while making you feel loved and valued.

7) He gets some benefit from being with you

Sometimes, the harsh reality is that the person we think loves us is actually in the relationship for what they can get out of it. My friend eventually realized this was the case with her ex partner. 

He was reaping the benefits of her generosity, whether it was her financial support, her constant willingness to lend a helping hand, or the comfort of physical intimacy.

He was content as long as his needs were being met, but when it came to reciprocating, he was nowhere to be found. It became a one-sided relationship, with her putting in all the effort while he reaped the rewards.

If you suspect this might be happening in your relationship, take a step back and evaluate. What is he gaining from being with you? And does he make an effort to give back in equal measure? 

If the balance is off, it might be worth putting some distance, especially in the areas where he benefits the most.

My friend tried this; she stopped going out of her way to help him and focused more on her own needs. That’s when she saw his true colors. 

He became distant and irritable, showing that he was more interested in what she provided than in her as a person.

Don’t be afraid to test the waters and protect your own interests. You deserve a relationship where both partners contribute and benefit equally, not one where you are taken advantage of.

Choose authentic love

In the end, true love isn’t about pretense or personal gain. It’s about genuine connection, mutual respect, and lifting each other up. 

My friend realized this and chose to walk away from a relationship that was draining her spirit. Don’t be afraid to do the same if you recognize these behaviors. 

You deserve a love that is real, a partner who cherishes you for who you are, and a relationship where you feel valued and loved every single day. 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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