Paul Brian
Attraction is a fascinating subject, but not all attraction is the same.
Some attraction leads to real love and commitment, some is just skin-deep.
But itโs not like interactions come with an instruction manual, so how are you supposed to tell if a guy is into you for real or just for a fling?
There are actually a number of clear signs if you know what to watch out for. Iโll also show you how to avoid skilled players who are able to pretend to be into you for real but actually arenโt.
Here we go: a no-holds-barred look at how to tell if a guy is truly into you or just having some fun.
1) He likes talking to you
This may sound simple and it is. A guy who wants to be serious is going to genuinely enjoy talking to you.
What to watch for:
- He maintains eye contact
- He actually listens to you
- He laughs for real (not fake chuckles)
- He isnโt just trying to steer the interaction in one direction but is willing to let the conversation flow.
2) He wants to know more
A guy who wants you forever and has true romantic interest is not trying to โwrap things upโ or just get you to a hotel somewhere.
Heโs actually curious about you and what youโre up to in your life and what you care about.
Heโs curious in a way that doesnโt have a linear agenda, relating back to the previous point about him genuinely enjoying conversing with you as well.
3) Heโs curious about your core values
What do you really care about and why?
What drives you in life?
A man who wants more than just to see you in your skivvies is going to be very interested in your core values and seeing what you care about in life.
He will indicate attraction to you and make it clear heโs after more than just friends, but at the same time he wonโt be pressing the physical aspect (at least not as his main focus).
This brings me to the next pointโฆ
4) Heโs not focused on sex
I genuinely do not believe that the speed of having sex or not determines whether a man will take you seriously.
If he likes you for real then your decision to sleep with him (or wait) is not going to change that.
But there is an important aspect about sex here and that is that he wonโt just be focused on sleeping with you.
He may be flirtatious and openly admiring of your appearance, but heโll make it clear that this isnโt his only interest in you.
5) He opens up to you for real
Now hereโs the thing:
A skilled player is good at pretending heโs not just into sex, so how can you tell the great actor from the man whoโs for real?
The number one thing is that he doesnโt steer the conversation to only sexual or shallow topics and that he opens up to you for real.
He doesnโt just try to live up to some ideal image but shows his genuine self to you in a way thatโs raw and real.
6) He displays vulnerability
Heโs willing to display real vulnerability.
This doesnโt mean a guy whoโs truly committed to you will break down crying every time he talks about his love for you.
But it does mean heโll take a risk with his heart and talk about his feelings and where heโs at in life.
It will be clear he wants something real with you, not just a fairytale.
7) He admits his faults to you
The man whoโs truly into you will admit his faults to you.
This isnโt a kind of masochistic display or anything, and heโs not going to be trying to make himself look bad.
But he will be honest and avoid bragging or being overly self-promotional.
Make sure this isnโt false modesty.
8) He does kind things for you
Some players are skilled at doing nice things for you to gain your interest, but a man whoโs really into you will do kind things even when you donโt expect it.
Whatโs even better is that he wonโt expect anything back for it.
Heโs not doing something nice and thinking it means you have to do something nice for him.
Itโs just his voluntary desire to do thoughtful and kind things for you when he can.
9) He cares about you
This ties into the previous point, because thereโs really no substitute for a guy who cares about you.
When he isnโt just faking it there will be hundreds of small signals.
These include:
- Hearing you out when youโre having a bad day
- Making practical suggestions and listening to you
- Helping and caring for you if youโre sick
- Sharing responsibilities if youโre a couple
10) Heโs patient with you
When a guy is genuinely into you heโs going to be patient with your ups and downs.
He will have his boundaries and his limits, of course.
But in general he will be patient with you and give you the time and space you need to figure some things out on your own, including if this means moving a bit slowly in the relationship.
11) He buys you thoughtful gifts
No serious guy is going to try to buy your love.
But thoughtful gifts still mean a lot, and here is a situation where itโs true that the thought is what counts.
When a guy is truly into you heโs going to show it by putting real energy and thoughts into what he gets you.
12) He remembers what you tell him
The guy whoโs genuinely into you will remember what you tell him.
Even small details that you donโt expect him to remember he goes out of his way to keep in mind.
He brings them back up in conversation and finds ways to connect with you even when he could just sit back and be passive in your interactions.
He wants to get more serious and keep this going. It will be clear.
13) Heโs willing to call you out when necessary
When a man just wants something casual, heโs going to nod and smile to placate you and make you happy.
A man who actually wants something real with you is going to be real with you.
Letโs face it:
Sometimes that means calling you out when you cross the line or do something he doesnโt like.
The only exception here is a people pleaser or man of very low self-confidence who doesnโt trust himself enough to risk an argument with you.
14) He prioritizes you in his schedule
The guy whoโs interested in something serious with you is going to make space in his schedule.
He will prioritize seeing you, even if heโs busy.
One thing to watch out for here:
A player will put you on his โrosterโ or use you to fill gaps in his schedule as they come up. A man whoโs really interested will make time in his schedule for you and you alone.
15) He doesnโt leave right after physical intimacy
The kind of guy whoโs truly interested in you is not just in it for a roll in the hay.
If you do sleep together he doesnโt pull on his pants as soon as the act is done.
He cuddles, talks to you more, gets to know you at a deeper level beyond the physical.
Thereโs no pump and dump here.
16) He wants to know your plans for the future
The guy whoโs just after a fling isnโt going to care much about your plans for the future, apart from the next few weeks or months for hookups or โdating.โ
But a man whoโs actually interested in you for real will be genuinely curious about your future plans.
Even if he plays it low-key, it will be clear that heโs thinking of a future that potentially has you in it.
17) He wants to meet your friends and family
When a man is interested in you beyond the casual, heโs going to display an interest in meeting your friends and family.
He may not do so very quickly, but once he does it will be clear heโs not just asking to meet them out of obligation or to make you happy.
He really wants to get to know those close to you.
And that makes all the difference.
