Attraction is a fascinating subject, but not all attraction is the same.
Some attraction leads to real love and commitment, some is just skin-deep.
But it’s not like interactions come with an instruction manual, so how are you supposed to tell if a guy is into you for real or just for a fling?
There are actually a number of clear signs if you know what to watch out for. I’ll also show you how to avoid skilled players who are able to pretend to be into you for real but actually aren’t.
Here we go: a no-holds-barred look at how to tell if a guy is truly into you or just having some fun.
1) He likes talking to you
This may sound simple and it is. A guy who wants to be serious is going to genuinely enjoy talking to you.
What to watch for:
- He maintains eye contact
- He actually listens to you
- He laughs for real (not fake chuckles)
- He isn’t just trying to steer the interaction in one direction but is willing to let the conversation flow.
2) He wants to know more
A guy who wants you forever and has true romantic interest is not trying to “wrap things up” or just get you to a hotel somewhere.
He’s actually curious about you and what you’re up to in your life and what you care about.
He’s curious in a way that doesn’t have a linear agenda, relating back to the previous point about him genuinely enjoying conversing with you as well.
3) He’s curious about your core values
What do you really care about and why?
What drives you in life?
A man who wants more than just to see you in your skivvies is going to be very interested in your core values and seeing what you care about in life.
He will indicate attraction to you and make it clear he’s after more than just friends, but at the same time he won’t be pressing the physical aspect (at least not as his main focus).
This brings me to the next point…
4) He’s not focused on sex
I genuinely do not believe that the speed of having sex or not determines whether a man will take you seriously.
If he likes you for real then your decision to sleep with him (or wait) is not going to change that.
But there is an important aspect about sex here and that is that he won’t just be focused on sleeping with you.
He may be flirtatious and openly admiring of your appearance, but he’ll make it clear that this isn’t his only interest in you.
5) He opens up to you for real
Now here’s the thing:
A skilled player is good at pretending he’s not just into sex, so how can you tell the great actor from the man who’s for real?
The number one thing is that he doesn’t steer the conversation to only sexual or shallow topics and that he opens up to you for real.
He doesn’t just try to live up to some ideal image but shows his genuine self to you in a way that’s raw and real.
6) He displays vulnerability
He’s willing to display real vulnerability.
This doesn’t mean a guy who’s truly committed to you will break down crying every time he talks about his love for you.
But it does mean he’ll take a risk with his heart and talk about his feelings and where he’s at in life.
It will be clear he wants something real with you, not just a fairytale.
7) He admits his faults to you
The man who’s truly into you will admit his faults to you.
This isn’t a kind of masochistic display or anything, and he’s not going to be trying to make himself look bad.
But he will be honest and avoid bragging or being overly self-promotional.
Make sure this isn’t false modesty.
8) He does kind things for you
Some players are skilled at doing nice things for you to gain your interest, but a man who’s really into you will do kind things even when you don’t expect it.
What’s even better is that he won’t expect anything back for it.
He’s not doing something nice and thinking it means you have to do something nice for him.
It’s just his voluntary desire to do thoughtful and kind things for you when he can.
9) He cares about you
This ties into the previous point, because there’s really no substitute for a guy who cares about you.
When he isn’t just faking it there will be hundreds of small signals.
- Hearing you out when you’re having a bad day
- Making practical suggestions and listening to you
- Helping and caring for you if you’re sick
- Sharing responsibilities if you’re a couple
10) He’s patient with you
When a guy is genuinely into you he’s going to be patient with your ups and downs.
He will have his boundaries and his limits, of course.
But in general he will be patient with you and give you the time and space you need to figure some things out on your own, including if this means moving a bit slowly in the relationship.
11) He buys you thoughtful gifts
No serious guy is going to try to buy your love.
But thoughtful gifts still mean a lot, and here is a situation where it’s true that the thought is what counts.
When a guy is truly into you he’s going to show it by putting real energy and thoughts into what he gets you.
12) He remembers what you tell him
The guy who’s genuinely into you will remember what you tell him.
Even small details that you don’t expect him to remember he goes out of his way to keep in mind.
He brings them back up in conversation and finds ways to connect with you even when he could just sit back and be passive in your interactions.
He wants to get more serious and keep this going. It will be clear.
13) He’s willing to call you out when necessary
When a man just wants something casual, he’s going to nod and smile to placate you and make you happy.
A man who actually wants something real with you is going to be real with you.
Let’s face it:
Sometimes that means calling you out when you cross the line or do something he doesn’t like.
The only exception here is a people pleaser or man of very low self-confidence who doesn’t trust himself enough to risk an argument with you.
14) He prioritizes you in his schedule
The guy who’s interested in something serious with you is going to make space in his schedule.
He will prioritize seeing you, even if he’s busy.
One thing to watch out for here:
A player will put you on his “roster” or use you to fill gaps in his schedule as they come up. A man who’s really interested will make time in his schedule for you and you alone.
15) He doesn’t leave right after physical intimacy
The kind of guy who’s truly interested in you is not just in it for a roll in the hay.
If you do sleep together he doesn’t pull on his pants as soon as the act is done.
He cuddles, talks to you more, gets to know you at a deeper level beyond the physical.
There’s no pump and dump here.
16) He wants to know your plans for the future
The guy who’s just after a fling isn’t going to care much about your plans for the future, apart from the next few weeks or months for hookups or “dating.”
But a man who’s actually interested in you for real will be genuinely curious about your future plans.
Even if he plays it low-key, it will be clear that he’s thinking of a future that potentially has you in it.
17) He wants to meet your friends and family
When a man is interested in you beyond the casual, he’s going to display an interest in meeting your friends and family.
He may not do so very quickly, but once he does it will be clear he’s not just asking to meet them out of obligation or to make you happy.
He really wants to get to know those close to you.
And that makes all the difference.