Dating is a numbers game: the more people we meet, the better our chances of getting into a relationship.
However, most of us would like to meet βthe one.β And while weβre looking for the love of our lives, most of us tend to have a backup plan or a βsecond choice.β
And it might be true that weβre somebodyβs backup plan as well.
In this article, weβll dive into the behaviors showing that a man youβre seeing isnβt serious about you.
So, if a man displays these 12 behaviors, he probably sees you as his backup plan.
1) He often cancels plans with you
We can all be flaky occasionally, but it’s a warning sign if it happens a lot.
If heβs made this behavior a habit, it will continue unless you stop him.
So, if he takes a long time to say βyesβ whenever you ask him out on a date, you might be his backup plan.
If you discover that he tends to cancel at the last minuteβit might be a sign heβs not that serious about you.
2) Heβs on the phone during your dates
If someone is always on the phone, especially while you share a special moment together, itβs a sign that they have attachment issues.
It might make them uncomfortable getting closer to others, so theyβre hiding in their phones.
People who donβt want to pay attention to you will try to avoid interacting as much as possible. They will be on their phone, reading, or anything else.
If itβs happening to you, donβt ignore it. You deserve to be someoneβs priority, not just a backup plan.
A guy who is always on his phone when with youβshouldnβt be your first choice, either.
3) His friends donβt know who you are
If youβve been dating someone for a while and he hasnβt introduced you to anyone from his close circle of friends or familyβ¦ itβs a warning sign.
He might not be ready to commit. Worse, if heβs introduced you as a friend or acquaintance, heβs trying to avoid committing to you.
Another red flag is if he tells you nothing about his loved ones. He might be trying to keep you at armsβ length by doing this, and itβs a sign that heβs not ready to start a serious relationship.
He might not be doing it consciously, but the way he treats you should be evidence enough for you to choose: is he your backup plan as well, or do you want true love?
4) He laughs at your goals
Well, he might not laugh at them right away.
But, for example, if youβve always dreamed of traveling to Greece, he might say that itβs a stupid idea and that give you his own reasoning for that.
Sometimes, even if heβs trying to look interested, you might realize heβs faking it. Perhaps this is difficult to process, but your dreams might not benefit himβ¦ and thatβs why he doesnβt care.
Unfortunately, if he doesnβt show genuine interest in your dreams, he doesnβt care that much about you either. You are just his backup plan.
5) Heβs flaky
There are many ways to be flaky if you set your mind to it.
Itβs not only about canceling at the last minute: perhaps he said heβd call, and he doesnβt, or maybe he goes silent for an entire day.
Ghosting or being inconsistent with someone should not be taken lightly.
This is a huge red flag, and it also may impact your self-esteem. If he canβt show up when you agreed, or heβs making you feel like you donβt matter to him, itβs a sign of his little interest in you.
6) Heβs βall bark and no biteβ
So, he talks a lot, says the sweetest things, and replies to all your Insta stories, etc. But, when it comes down to being there for you, you canβt count on him.
This goes for everything: you want to see each other more, make plans, and dream about a future together.
But when itβs time to make it into a reality, it just doesnβt happen, and itβs because he has a million excuses.
Guys who shower you with compliments and attention but donβt show up when you really need themβare just playing with you.
So, if you tell him that his behavior hurts you, and he doesnβt change it, itβs not worth it. You donβt have time to stick around and wait for a guy who wonβt try to improve his wrongdoings.
7) He didnβt pay that much attention to you at first
When you started dating, things werenβt terrible, but perhaps he didnβt pay you that much attention, and you had to try to get a date with him or impress him in some way.
It might be a red flag if he suddenly is all over you.
This can be more subtle than other signs, but it doesnβt mean itβs less critical.
He might have been seeing a girl he was more interested in at first, and when the girl didnβt reciprocate, he fell into his backup plan: you.
8) You feel like he will ghost you
Even if heβs a perfect guy, nice and smart and sensitive, he has flaws. We all do. Love might be blinding you, but nobody is perfect.
If you feel like he will go MIA, if you raise a problem or point out his flaw, pay attention to that. Your intuition is trying to tell you something.
He will not build a relationship with you if youβre not his priority. And we do tend to listen to those we love when they are important to us.
Try calling him out on something, especially if itβs making you feel bad. You are important for him if he stays and wants to work things through.
If he doesnβt acknowledge the problem and isnβt open to talk things through, itβs time for you to leave, especially if youβre looking for a serious relationship.
9) He always makes last-minute plans
The bad thing about being a backup plan for somebody is that they know that you will always be available for them.
Itβs especially true if you cancel your other plans to see them as soon as they call or text you.
So, if heβs not taking you seriously, heβll call you just when his βpriorityβ girl cancels on him. He knows he has you as a backup plan if he wants to go out.
In this case, the best thing you can do is not play this game and value your own time.
Act in your best interest and make sure he knows the value of your time and attention, too.
10) Heβs not there for birthdays or holidays
He doesnβt call or make plans with you on holidays or for special occasions. And each time you hint at it, he plays dumb or changes the subject.
Even worse, he makes plans with you and ditches them at the last minute, with the first excuse he can think of. Guess what: heβs either with his family or with someone else.
Donβt let him crush your self-respect like that.
11) He isnβt responsible
If he doesnβt share any kind of routine with you, youβre probably his backup plan. For example, you want to walk with him or go to the gym together, but he declines.
The same thing happens with everything else: you want to join a dance class or a book club, but he doesnβt seem to like any of these things.
The reason for that is that he doesnβt want to be too committed and involved in your relationship, and he also doesnβt want you to feel like itβs serious.
Donβt waste your time on someone like this.
12) He doesnβt make plans for the future
If you are trying to have a committed relationship, talking about the future is essential.
Itβs a step everyone takes. You have to ensure youβre both on the same page and want similar things in life.
When youβre in a committed relationship, you have to be able to talk about serious things and make mutual decisions.
If he refuses to do that because it βpressuresβ him, end it.
You donβt need to be with someone who doesnβt see a future with you; maybe heβs not ready for it yet. In any case, itβs not your fault.
To sum up
What you do next is on you.
Do you want to see someone who treats you as a backup plan, or do you prefer to stay alone but be open to people who treat you as their priority?
If youβre not looking for anything serious, youβre free to have a fling: have fun!
But if your priorities differ, you must act in your best interest. Because if he sees you as his backup plan, you wonβt change his mind.
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