If a man displays these 12 behaviors, he probably sees you as his backup plan

Dating is a numbers game: the more people we meet, the better our chances of getting into a relationship. 

However, most of us would like to meet “the one.” And while we’re looking for the love of our lives, most of us tend to have a backup plan or a “second choice.” 

And it might be true that we’re somebody’s backup plan as well. 

In this article, we’ll dive into the behaviors showing that a man you’re seeing isn’t serious about you.

So, if a man displays these 12 behaviors, he probably sees you as his backup plan. 

1) He often cancels plans with you

We can all be flaky occasionally, but it’s a warning sign if it happens a lot. 

If he’s made this behavior a habit, it will continue unless you stop him. 

So, if he takes a long time to say “yes” whenever you ask him out on a date, you might be his backup plan. 

If you discover that he tends to cancel at the last minute–it might be a sign he’s not that serious about you.

2) He’s on the phone during your dates

If someone is always on the phone, especially while you share a special moment together, it’s a sign that they have attachment issues. 

It might make them uncomfortable getting closer to others, so they’re hiding in their phones. 

People who don’t want to pay attention to you will try to avoid interacting as much as possible. They will be on their phone, reading, or anything else. 

If it’s happening to you, don’t ignore it. You deserve to be someone’s priority, not just a backup plan. 

A guy who is always on his phone when with you–shouldn’t be your first choice, either.

3) His friends don’t know who you are

If you’ve been dating someone for a while and he hasn’t introduced you to anyone from his close circle of friends or family… it’s a warning sign. 

He might not be ready to commit. Worse, if he’s introduced you as a friend or acquaintance, he’s trying to avoid committing to you. 

Another red flag is if he tells you nothing about his loved ones. He might be trying to keep you at arms’ length by doing this, and it’s a sign that he’s not ready to start a serious relationship

He might not be doing it consciously, but the way he treats you should be evidence enough for you to choose: is he your backup plan as well, or do you want true love?

4) He laughs at your goals

Well, he might not laugh at them right away. 

But, for example, if you’ve always dreamed of traveling to Greece, he might say that it’s a stupid idea and that give you his own reasoning for that. 

Sometimes, even if he’s trying to look interested, you might realize he’s faking it. Perhaps this is difficult to process, but your dreams might not benefit him… and that’s why he doesn’t care

Unfortunately, if he doesn’t show genuine interest in your dreams, he doesn’t care that much about you either. You are just his backup plan. 

5) He’s flaky 

There are many ways to be flaky if you set your mind to it. 

It’s not only about canceling at the last minute: perhaps he said he’d call, and he doesn’t, or maybe he goes silent for an entire day. 

Ghosting or being inconsistent with someone should not be taken lightly.

This is a huge red flag, and it also may impact your self-esteem. If he can’t show up when you agreed, or he’s making you feel like you don’t matter to him, it’s a sign of his little interest in you. 

6) He’s “all bark and no bite”

So, he talks a lot, says the sweetest things, and replies to all your Insta stories, etc. But, when it comes down to being there for you, you can’t count on him. 

This goes for everything: you want to see each other more, make plans, and dream about a future together. 

But when it’s time to make it into a reality, it just doesn’t happen, and it’s because he has a million excuses.

Guys who shower you with compliments and attention but don’t show up when you really need them–are just playing with you.

So, if you tell him that his behavior hurts you, and he doesn’t change it, it’s not worth it. You don’t have time to stick around and wait for a guy who won’t try to improve his wrongdoings. 

7) He didn’t pay that much attention to you at first

When you started dating, things weren’t terrible, but perhaps he didn’t pay you that much attention, and you had to try to get a date with him or impress him in some way. 

It might be a red flag if he suddenly is all over you. 

This can be more subtle than other signs, but it doesn’t mean it’s less critical. 

He might have been seeing a girl he was more interested in at first, and when the girl didn’t reciprocate, he fell into his backup plan: you.

8) You feel like he will ghost you

Even if he’s a perfect guy, nice and smart and sensitive, he has flaws. We all do. Love might be blinding you, but nobody is perfect. 

If you feel like he will go MIA, if you raise a problem or point out his flaw, pay attention to that. Your intuition is trying to tell you something. 

He will not build a relationship with you if you’re not his priority. And we do tend to listen to those we love when they are important to us.

Try calling him out on something, especially if it’s making you feel bad. You are important for him if he stays and wants to work things through.

If he doesn’t acknowledge the problem and isn’t open to talk things through, it’s time for you to leave, especially if you’re looking for a serious relationship. 

9) He always makes last-minute plans

The bad thing about being a backup plan for somebody is that they know that you will always be available for them

It’s especially true if you cancel your other plans to see them as soon as they call or text you. 

So, if he’s not taking you seriously, he’ll call you just when his “priority” girl cancels on him. He knows he has you as a backup plan if he wants to go out. 

In this case, the best thing you can do is not play this game and value your own time.

Act in your best interest and make sure he knows the value of your time and attention, too. 

10) He’s not there for birthdays or holidays

He doesn’t call or make plans with you on holidays or for special occasions. And each time you hint at it, he plays dumb or changes the subject. 

Even worse, he makes plans with you and ditches them at the last minute, with the first excuse he can think of. Guess what: he’s either with his family or with someone else. 

Don’t let him crush your self-respect like that. 

11) He isn’t responsible

If he doesn’t share any kind of routine with you, you’re probably his backup plan. For example, you want to walk with him or go to the gym together, but he declines. 

The same thing happens with everything else: you want to join a dance class or a book club, but he doesn’t seem to like any of these things. 

The reason for that is that he doesn’t want to be too committed and involved in your relationship, and he also doesn’t want you to feel like it’s serious.

Don’t waste your time on someone like this. 

12) He doesn’t make plans for the future

If you are trying to have a committed relationship, talking about the future is essential. 

It’s a step everyone takes. You have to ensure you’re both on the same page and want similar things in life. 

When you’re in a committed relationship, you have to be able to talk about serious things and make mutual decisions. 

If he refuses to do that because it “pressures” him, end it. 

You don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t see a future with you; maybe he’s not ready for it yet. In any case, it’s not your fault. 

To sum up

What you do next is on you. 

Do you want to see someone who treats you as a backup plan, or do you prefer to stay alone but be open to people who treat you as their priority? 

If you’re not looking for anything serious, you’re free to have a fling: have fun!

But if your priorities differ, you must act in your best interest. Because if he sees you as his backup plan, you won’t change his mind.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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