Louisa Lopez
Many people put a brave face on sadness, so how can we tell if someone is unhappy deep down? Although everyone is different, there are clues that we can look out for in men.
If you spot several of these signs in yourself or a man you know, then there is something worth exploring further.
1) So grumpy
Remember Grumpy from Snow White’s Seven Dwarfs? If a man’s constantly channeling his inner Grumpy, it might be a sign he’s not so happy inside. Sure, we all have off days, but if he’s consistently sporting a sulky face, or being snappy and grumpy all the time, he’s probably unhappy deep down.
However, there’s something to be aware of here. Hormones.
We all know that women go through menopause and this can affect their mood. But according to BodyLogicMD, men can go through an andropause aka ‘Irritable Male Syndrome’ between the ages of around 40-60, and experience a range of symptoms including grumpiness, anger, hostility, being unloving, withdrawn, or sad.
IMS was first discovered with male sheep, but research continues into the patterns that manifest in humans.
If you or someone you know feels like this applies to them you can get it checked out with your doctor. There are many ways to balance hormones including sufficient exercise, sleep, good diet, therapy, opening up to friends and family, and also hormone replacement therapy.
2) Anger outbursts
Everyone gets angry sometimes, but if a man is having frequent anger outbursts, it could be a sign that he’s struggling with something deeper. This can be another sign of IMS as discussed, but it can also be a symbol of repressed feelings and unhappiness.
These outbursts can be triggered by the smallest things – a misplaced key, a minor disagreement, or even a simple question. If he seems like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any moment, there’s a deeper problem that needs to be explored.
3) Withdraws from things he used to enjoy
Picture happy-go-lucky Bilbo Baggins in his cozy hobbit hole. Now imagine if he suddenly wanted nothing to do with his favorite tea, books, and second breakfasts. Totally unlike him! When a guy ditches all his beloved hobbies and friends, then we probably have an unhappiness problem.
If he’s pulling a disappearing act from stuff that normally lights him up, pay attention. He may have lost that joie de vivre.
Then again, Bilbo Baggins had an adventurous streak from his relatives, and, perhaps more importantly, a deeper desire for something more. He had outgrown his ‘safe and predictable’ life. He became much happier when he broke out of his comfort zone and went adventuring.
I’m not saying that fighting evil beings in a magical world is the solution(!) but an unhappy man may just be longing for a little bit of freshness in his life. But a man with no interest in hobbies or friends is sure to be a sad one.
4) Neglects personal hygiene
So while we’re on a Lord of the Rings thing, picture this: crazy hobo beard, ear hair jungle, smelly body odor, and Gandalf-style brows! I know it might sound a bit harsh but that scruffiness is indicating struggles with mental health, not rugged manliness.
We’ve all woken up too tired to shower or shave some days. Life happens! But if a guy’s turned skipping basic hygiene into a depressing habit, there’s definitely more than laziness or tiredness at play here.
For many people struggling with depression, personal hygiene can be a big challenge. If this resonates with you or a man you know, then a visit to a doctor, therapist or a wellbeing coach could be the best way forward.
Although I’m not a man, I know that when I started microdosing magic mushrooms for depression, things changed. Doing little things like showering and washing my clothes no longer seemed like massive chores. They simply became regular tasks once again.
5) Seems to be addicted to something
We all have our vices – coffee, Netflix, the usual. That’s normal! Most of us like something to take the edge off from time to time.
But if it seems like he’s legitimately addicted to something harmful such as hard drugs or alcohol, then that’s a sign that trouble’s brewing. And heads up – workaholic tunnel vision counts here too! (More about this later!) Sex, love, and gambling are other addictions to watch out for.
Addictions often disguise themselves as handy numbing tools for escaping sad or troubling feelings. feelings. Quick hit, woo – pain is gone…temporarily. Before you know it, he’s stuck in an unhealthy coping cycle.
6) Lack of motivation and drive
My ex-boyfriend was always so full of confidence and vision. I used to joke and call him Mr. “I’ll conquer the world by Tuesday”.
But at a certain point in our relationship, he became listless and turned into a mopey couch potato. At first, I thought he just needed time to relax. But in reality, the less he did, the less he wanted to do. And the more demotivated he became.
You’ll probably notice if this has happened to you or someone you are close to. But there are some clues that he’s fallen deep into a no-motivation rut: hardcore procrastinating, ignoring career or big-picture goals, or struggling to get himself out of bed every day.
This change can show you that something is wrong underneath.
For some men, however, this goes the opposite way…
7) Obsessive focus on career success or money
Remember we talked about work addiction?
Well, a few years back, the name John was basically VIP in the Fortune 500 club. Meaning that there were more men named John as Fortune 500 CEOs than women of any name. Wild, right?
Seems unfair! But guess what – there’s an interesting reason behind it that goes beyond patriarchal biases.
Women tend to be pretty connected with their desires and how this fits with their career and life goals.
Ambitious women usually work hard, climb the ladder, rule the roost, and then…we move on to chase new fulfilling dreams! Guys, though? They are more likely to get stuck in the corporate hamster wheel, forgetting to question why they are doing what they are doing, or to ask themselves if they are still happy and living in alignment.
If this is you or a man in your life, open up discussions about what is really important now and what is wanted from the rest of his or your life.
8) Machismo or aggression
Sometimes, men overcompensate for feeling down with a big bad tough guy act. Why? To “prove” how strong and manly they are – to themselves and the world.
However, what is the real meaning behind the posturing? It’s actually a huge giveaway of an “I hate myself and I’m miserable!” mentality.
Machismo is basically the grown-up version of trying too hard to look cool. Think of bullies in the playground who are trying to hide their own feelings of inadequacy.
Of course, this is never an excuse for violence and if things get this bad, it’s time for an intervention.
9) Starts to neglect his children
If a man who has generally been ‘World’s Best Dad’ suddenly starts missing out on family time, this can be a sign that something is VERY wrong.
Maybe he’s drowning in overwhelm, or his confidence has taken such a hit that he thinks he’s a terrible parent.
And there’s another way this can show up – a man who was never ‘fully in’ in the first place.
I once watched an episode of “Wife Swap” where the dad was glued to video games 24/7, basically ignoring his heartbroken kid who just wanted to bond!
Well, surprise surprise – that reality TV shake-up was the wake-up call Papa Bear needed. Because gaming had become a numbing tactic for his unhappiness.
But once he got real with himself? At first, he felt a lot of shame and regret. But then he changed his family dynamics. After that, there was lots of father-son bonding time, AND he let his boy play computer games with him!
The moral of the story? When a loving dad starts giving his kids the cold shoulder, it’s a giveaway that he’s in a dark place. Maybe it’s depression, anxiety, or some other mental health struggle. Either way, he needs support ASAP.
Next steps
So if you’ve got a guy in your life showing several of these signs, it’s time to reach out and offer a helping hand. Sometimes all it takes is a heart-to-heart and a big hug to begin again And if you are that guy, it’s time to get support.
Because at the end of the day, we’ve all been there – life gets messy, and that’s okay!
The key is reminding each other that we are not alone, and that brighter days are always around the corner. Assuming we have someone to share our troubles with. If there’s no one to do that with, or it’s just not enough, reach out to a medical professional or a support group, there is so much help out there!
