Pearl Nash
We all experience being lonely at one point in our lives.
You probably know the feeling of being disconnected and empty, or feeling like you’re alone even when you’re in the company of other people. And you know it’s not fun.
Thankfully, it’s usually a fleeting experience—something that’s resolved by little changes in one’s routine.
But for some, loneliness is a deeper and bigger experience. And they go through it for much longer that it affects different aspects of their life.
Want to know if a man in your life is lonely?
Watch out for these 10 behaviors.
1) He can’t stand happy people
When I’m at my loneliest, I detest the sight of happiness.
It’s as if their joy hurts me, somehow—like rubbing salt to an open wound.
How can they “show off” how happy and loved they are when, here I am, obviously miserable with my life?!
Why isn’t the world more fair?
Flawed as it may be, this is usually the thought process of someone who is unhappy.
So, if a man smirks, rolls his eyes, and says something bitter when he sees other people’s happiness?
It could be a sign that deep down, he’s incredibly lonely in his own life.
Because those who are happy and content like to see happiness around them—always.
2) He cares less and less about how he looks
Has he stopped wearing nice clothes, taking daily showers, and even brushing his teeth?
If so, then you gotta act fast.
He may already be suffering from depression.
Hygiene indifference is a classic sign of depression, and it shouldn’t be ignored.
Even if a man appears cheerful, but he’s slowly stopped taking care of himself (when he used to follow a good routine), then it’s a sign that something’s not right.
3) He cares less and less about others
Tell him your neighbor has cancer and he’d just shrug.
“That’s life,” he’d say.
Tell him that you’re worried about your sister getting laid off from her job, and he’d roll his eyes and say, “You worry too much. She’s gonna be fine.”
Poverty. Hunger. Heartbreak.
These things barely register to him anymore, because how could they when he’s too consumed by his incredible loneliness.
4) He’s not making plans
You: What are you gonna do on Monday?
Him: Nothing.
You: How about on Tuesday?
Him: Same.
And repeat.
He used to always have something going on, but now it seems like he’s a totally different person—someone who’s aimless and lethargic.
People who are lonely (and depressed) have no motivation to do anything.
The last thing they want to do is plan their week. And planning their life? Even less so.
5) He says “no” to almost anything
Nothing excites him anymore.
Invite him to a picnic, a concert, a night out, and you’d get the same answer: “No.”
And it’s not because he doesn’t like you. In fact, he considers you one of his closest friends.
It worries you because he wasn’t always like this. Yes, he declined some invitations, but not every single one.
Try not to take it personally. He’s probably so lonely in life that he’d rather lie in bed all day than do things just for the sake.
According to studies, depression can make one feel tired all the time.
So, if he still says “no” to almost anything just to stay in and do nothing?
Then you have to realize that they’re probably not just lonely. They may actually be suffering from mental health issues.
6) He doesn’t want to be alone
While he isn’t in the mood to do anything, he doesn’t want to be alone either.
I have a friend who’s like this.
He’d hang out at my place, but when I ask if he wants to do something, he’d say no.
And I had a hard time reading him, until he confessed that he was really lonely.
He explained that he didn’t want to go home to his apartment because it made him feel even lonelier. So, I let him stay at my place to just hang out and do nothing in particular.
If, like I was, you’re in a position where you’re wondering why a man you know refuses to go home even when there’s nothing left to do?
It may be that he’s lonely in life, and he’s trying to avoid confronting it.
7) He gets easily frustrated
Anything can set him off.
His sister makes a mess in the kitchen? He’d freak out.
Traffic on his way to work? He’d go on full road rage.
It’s as if he’s a glass of water that’s already dangerously full. Add one more drop, and it overflows…and explodes!
Lonely people have a lot to deal with internally even if they’re not actively reflecting on their situation.
And this makes it challenging for them to regulate their emotions when they encounter day-to-day stressors.
8) He feels like everything is about him
I’ll share another personal experience.
When I was stuck for years in a loveless marriage, naturally, I was lonely. But what made this so much worse was when I tried to hide my loneliness from everyone else.
Each day, it was like there was a lump on my throat—like when you’re trying hard not to cry.
And what’s funny is that I felt like some people could sense my loneliness. So, I got a bit paranoid.
When someone was in a bad mood, I automatically thought, “Is it because of me?”
And when someone stared at me, I wondered, “Can they sense I’m so lonely?” It made me even more self-conscious, and at times, defensive.
If a man gets easily offended,
If he constantly feels like he’s being attacked…
it may be that he’s struggling to mask his own loneliness.
9) He hates it when people “pry”
A man who doesn’t want to deal with his loneliness hates people who ask questions.
You can try to have deep and personal conversations with him, but he’d just listen. His turn, no way! He wouldn’t share about his life.
Ask him about his relationships, his career, the details of his life, and he’d just mumble and quickly change the topic.
He thinks those questions are too personal even if you used to talk about these things openly with each other.
Well, he probably doesn’t want to face his loneliness, that’s why.
10) He’s embraced indifference
If he’s been suffering from loneliness for quite a while now, chances are he’s also stopped trying to fight it.
He probably got tired of finding ways to get ahead in life.
He probably got tired of trying to improve his relationships.
He probably got tired of trying so hard to be happy.
So instead, he threw both arms in the air and decided to quit.
He’s embraced indifference, and now it’s as if it’s become a core part of his personality.
You’d hear him say things like, “The universe doesn’t give a damn” or “Ultimately, we all end up alone anyway.”
He’s got a loneliness so deep and consuming that it’s swallowed him, and he no longer has the strength to try to get out of it.
Final thoughts
Recent studies have shown that there’s actually a loneliness epidemic that’s happening in the world.
More and more people, regardless of age and gender, feel alone and disconnected, which affects their overall quality of life.
If this is you, know that it’s important to recognize and address the issue.
It’s not always gonna be easy, and you have to be kind to yourself when you experience setbacks. But you have to remember that you deserve to have connections that bring happiness to your life.
Now if this is someone you know, reach out. Remind them that you’re there, and be with them—even if it’s just to sit together and do nothing.
Because sometimes the best cure to one’s loneliness is a quiet reminder that they are not alone.
