He’s super cute and you feel like you’re vibing, but then he goes and talks about another girl.
It’s totally confusing and it’s left you seriously wondering, why would a guy tell me about another girl? Maybe he’s not interested after all?
But before you jump to any conclusions, the truth is that there are many reasons why he might keep mentioning other women — even when he likes you.
It all depends on the context and what exactly he’s saying, as well as the situation between the two of you.
To get to the bottom of things is going to take a little bit of digging.
So in this article, we’ll cover absolutely everything you need to know to work out why on earth he’s telling you about other girls.
Why is he talking about another girl? 7 possible reasons
1) He’s trying to show you he’s in demand
As strange as it may sound, one reason for a guy telling you about another girl (or girls) is that he is trying to make himself appear more attractive to you.
There is a method behind what on the surface may seem like madness — and it’s even scientifically backed.
The Scarcity Effect is a psychological bias that we have which makes us place a higher value on something that appears to be scarce and a lower value on things that are available in abundance.
Researchers found that when asked to rate two identical jars, containing identical cookies — the only difference being that one jar held ten cookies whilst the other had just two — participants thought the more “scarce” cookies were yummier.
He might be trying to make himself look like a yummier cookie to you.
Or to put it another way, if someone else wants this guy there’s a chance you’ll assume that he must have something of value to offer — which will make you want him even more.
It may sound a bit shallow but it’s just human nature and something that is often put to use in marketing.
The more of a buzz about a product and the more sought after it is by others, the better it sells.
The guy in question may be just trying to do a little self-publicity here by trying to prove to you that he is a popular guy, and highlighting you have some competition.
If this is his tactic, he’ll probably want to suggest that other women find him appealing.
So he may casually drop into conversation with other girls in his life, or mention female attention he’s gotten.
2) He’s trying to show you what he’s like in a relationship
You know when you’re writing a CV, experts tell you how important it is to demonstrate a skill rather than just say you’re good at something.
This guy may have been paying close attention to that advice.
What does it mean when a guy tells you about his relationship with other girls?
Well, he could be trying to illustrate what it is like being in a relationship with him.
If he tells you that he always made his ex a coffee every morning, or that he used to surprise her with little gifts — don’t panic, as it doesn’t automatically mean he’s reminiscing about this past love.
In fact, there’s a good chance he is trying to prove to you what a good boyfriend he is.
For some people, talking about exes should be off the table in the blossoming stages of a new romance.
But plenty of others use their relationship history to paint a picture and show you how they are in a relationship.
If this is what he’s trying to do, whenever he talks about this other girl he will always come off as glowing.
Rather than being about her or even their relationship, the moral of the story will be “I’m such a catch”.
3) He’s thoughtless
There is honesty and then there is downright tactless — and the two are a world apart.
Let’s say for example, when a guy says another girl is hot in front of you even though you too are dating.
Sure, we all know you don’t suddenly stop finding other people attractive as soon as you couple up — but we’re usually smart enough to keep that to ourselves if we know what’s good for us.
But sadly some men really may be thoughtless enough to not consider that you probably don’t want to hear it.
What does it mean when a guy tells you another girl is hot? The answer is going to depend on your situation.
If he hasn’t given off any subtle signs he is interested in you, and nothing has happened between you too yet — it certainly doesn’t look good that he would say this kind of thing in your presence.
On the other hand, if you are dating and he’s still commenting on the physical attractiveness of other women, then the chances are he may just be inconsiderate and insensitive. (Not sure if that’s much consolation)
Similarly, your boyfriend may come home from work and tell you about how great the new girl is, how lovely she is, how funny she is, etc. — all the while remaining clueless about how that might sound to you.
If him talking about other girls is making you feel insecure or uncomfortable, then you need to tell him to cut it out.
4) He’s really open
They will happily tell you anything without feeling particularly guarded or like they need to hide things from you.
That’s just how they naturally express their feelings.
This quality can be equally charming and off-putting depending on the context.
If you’re dealing with this kind of man, this open behaviour will apply to all kinds of topics and not just other women.
Does he quickly open up about all kinds of things?
Does he happily get into deep chats about his thoughts on love, life and the world?
These are indications that you are speaking with a transparent kind of guy.
So, he may be comfortable in talking to you about his relationships both past and present with other women.
Of course, depending on what it is that he’s saying, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you.
I’ve personally been on plenty of dates where men have talked openly about other girls that they’ve dated — and it was just part of an honest exchange about relationships.
If he does like you, this type of straightforward man is unlikely to keep you guessing.
He will have most likely already told you, or explicitly shown you that he is interested in you.
5) He’s purposely trying to make you jealous
The question may have crossed your mind: ‘Is he trying to make me jealous by talking about another girl?’
If a guy likes you but is feeling insecure this certainly could be an explanation for his behaviour.
In this scenario, he is purposely trying to push your buttons in the hopes of getting a reaction out of you.
And let’s face it, jealousy really can work as a way of getting someone to notice you more.
He could be unsure how you feel about him, wants more attention from you, or is just a little bit immature.
If he’s trying to make you jealous by talking about another girl, it’s probably going to be accompanied by other obvious signs and behaviours that show his overall aim is to try and get a rise out of you.
That might include:
- Flirting with other girls in front of you
- Complimenting other women in front of you
- Bragging about the attention he’s getting from other girls
- Showing you or talking about texts he’s gotten from other girls
If he was a real player, he’s more likely to try and do his creeping behind your back and not to your face.
The fact he is being explicit about it either means it’s for your benefit or that he really doesn’t care about your feelings at all.
Of course, which one it is comes down to whether something is going on between you two, and whether he has been flirting with you or giving off signs he’s into you.
6) He’s feeling emotional about something that happened
We all want to be somebody’s one and only, but the reality is that everyone has a past.
Many of us carry the scars of old romantic wounds.
If he brings up another girl who you know he’s had something with before you came along, it’s possible that he likes you, but still may not be fully over his ex.
Even if he has totally moved on, he may still talk about her if the relationship was significant to him.
If you’re looking for signs he still has feelings for another woman — look for how often he talks about her and whether those memories are happy or painful.
Talking about an ex once or twice to your new bae isn’t unusual, but if it’s happening repeatedly it’s a bit of a red flag.
Particularly if something has happened with another girl that left him feeling angry, sad, or a bit bitter — him talking about it could be just a way to process his emotions.
The fact that he chooses to open up to you when he’s feeling low can be a positive sign.
If he is talking about another girl because he’s feeling sad, then you can expect his comments about it all to also be more negative rather than reminiscent.
7) He likes you but he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you
Of course, in some situations, if a guy is talking about another girl to you it could be because he doesn’t have romantic feelings towards you.
If that’s the case he may think nothing of casually talking to you about other women he likes, or even trying to get your advice about them.
Particularly if you feel like you’ve been getting closer to a guy you like, but nothing has happened yet — it’s definitely something you need to consider.
If you already have an established friendship and they’re always mentioning other girls, it certainly could be a sign that you’re stuck in the friendzone.
The biggest clues about whether this scenario applies to you will be in his general behavior towards you — and whether you have been getting purely platonic vibes from him, or if he’s also been flirty.
If he doesn’t realise that you like him in “that way” he may be talking about other girls because he doesn’t know how you feel.
There may be a stereotype of women playing hard to get, but some guys also want to be chased.
How do I know if he likes me when he talks about another girl?
As we’ve seen, there are quite a few reasons why a guy who likes you might still talk about another girl around you.
Perhaps you’ve already got a strong feeling about which explanation makes the most sense. But you might still be scratching your head over which one applies to you.
It all ultimately depends on a combination of how he’s talking about other girls, alongside his behaviour towards you.
These are your best clues in working out the true intention behind what he’s saying.
Here are 4 important things to look out for:
1) What he is saying about other girls
Perhaps the biggest clue is the context in which he talks about another girl and what exactly he says.
If you’re into him, then you are most likely on high alert and reading into absolutely everything.
You’re probably on the lookout for other girls who could be on the scene.
That means any perfectly innocent comment he makes about another girl could be easily misinterpreted or blown out of proportion.
Half the world are girls after all, so it makes sense that they’re going to come up in conversation once in a while.
If he has female friends, it’s perfectly normal to mention them.
So, he might tell you that he was speaking on the phone last night to Katy, or that he is going to a concert with Beth.
Unless he has explicitly told you that these are dates, not friends, you’re better off not jumping to conclusions.
Similarly, if he tells you he thinks Beyoncé is smoking hot, that certainly doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
There are plenty of throw-away comments that we all make, which we don’t necessarily mean much by.
On the other hand, if he explicitly tells you positive things about another girl he:
- Is dating
- Is attracted to
- Has feelings for
…he is unlikely to do that if he were interested in pursuing something with you.
Even if other girls were potentially on the scene, he wouldn’t want to scare you off by looking totally unavailable.
2) How much he talks about another girl
How do you tell if a guy likes another girl?
Well for a start, her name won’t just crop up once or twice, you’ll probably feel like you are hearing it on repeat.
When we like someone, we often can’t help but bring them up in conversation quite a lot — simply because they are on our mind.
That’s why the more often he talks about another girl, the more likely it is that there’s something to it.
If he has only mentioned her in passing once or twice, that doesn’t mean a whole lot.
But if he shoehorns her name into conversation all the time — alarm bells should be ringing.
He may not even be consciously aware of how much he is talking about her, but it’s definitely one of those subconscious signs that you’re interested in someone.
3) His body language
Our body language is powerful and gives away a lot of clues about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking.
When we talk about body language, we’re basically referring to the physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms we all use to communicate nonverbally.
With studies suggesting that we actually convey meaning through far more than words alone, you’re going to want to pay close attention to his body language when:
- He talks about other girls
- When he is around you
Does his demeanor change when he talks about her or does he seem to stay the same?
Does his body language appear relaxed and casual, or does he suddenly become more awkward or animated?
Basically, you’re looking for changes in how he acts when he speaks about another girl.
Body language is also going to be one of your biggest clues for how he feels towards you too.
Even for those of us who feel hopeless at flirting, when we like someone our body language towards them reveals a lot.
Here are just a few body language signs to tell if he’s interested in you or not:
- He leans in towards you when you speak
- He finds little excuses to reach out and touch you
- He tries to make or hold eye contact
- He wants to stand close to you
- He faces towards you
If he’s a little shyer or reserved, not all his body language will come across as confident.
He may also:
- Blush when you’re around
- Fiddle with objects (nervous energy)
- Stumble over his words
All of these subtle hints come together to give us that “vibe” we get when someone likes us.
We’re essentially reading all the verbal and nonverbal cues that they put out which gives us a feeling that they are digging us too.
4) His effort level towards you
We can spend so much time analysing a guy, trying to figure out his intentions towards us, and wondering if we’re picking up on the right signals.
I don’t know about you, but one thing I’ve found is that when a guy really is interested in me, deep down I know it.
Similarly, when he isn’t, I also kind of know it too.
But I don’t always want to admit the truth to myself, so I go looking for justifications for the dodgy behaviour that has given me cause for concern.
Sure there are always exceptions to the rule, but 9 times out of 10 a man will show you how he feels.
How he shows you will depend on the guy and your situation, but it will most certainly involve this one magical ingredient:
Whether it’s biologically driven or socially driven, men tend to still be more forward when it comes to matters of the heart.
If he wants to be around you, he’s going to try and make that happen.
So if he’s not making an effort for you, there’s a reason for it.
It could mean that he doesn’t like you in that way or he isn’t looking for anything right now.
But if he is going out of his way to be in your life, that’s one of the simplest and most genuine indicators he likes you.
In summary: what does it mean when a guy you like talks about another girl
To sum up, when a guy talks about another girl to you, it could mean:
- He’s trying to show you he’s in demand
- He’s trying to show you what he’s like in a relationship
- He’s thoughtless
- He’s really open
- He’s purposely trying to make you jealous
- He’s feeling emotional about something that happened
- He likes you but he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you
To understand what is going on, you’ll need to look at his behaviour in more detail.
That includes what it is he is saying about other girls, how much he talks about another woman, and his general behaviour and body language towards you too.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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