Ethan Sterling
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been known as the “fun uncle.”
The one who always brought the wackiest presents at Christmas, spun the tallest tales at family gatherings, and showed up to every birthday party with a magic trick up his sleeve. My nieces and nephews saw me as this exciting, larger-than-life character who was always good for a laugh.
In some ways, I reveled in my role. It allowed me to indulge in my playful side, to be the one who didn’t quite fit the mold. I was different from the rest of my siblings with their mortgages, minivans, and 2.5 kids.
While they were off navigating the challenges of parenthood, I was living in my downtown loft apartment, hopping from one exciting gig to another, and exploring the world through my camera lens. I was footloose and fancy-free, without a care in the world or so it seemed to them.
Yet, there was another side they didn’t see—the loneliness of being childless in a family-centric world. Quiet nights in my apartment, a sense of isolation despite my exciting lifestyle. Years later, living alone during a pandemic far from them, that loneliness deepened.
Surrounded by love yet feeling alone, my move to Arizona starkly contrasts the family-filled magic shows of my past life. Here’s the ‘fun uncle,’ confronting the harsh reality of loneliness, and a family unaware of it.
Living alone in Arizona: The reality of my loneliness
Moving to Arizona was a decision spurred by a job opportunity and the promise of a fresh start. What I didn’t anticipate was how this shift would cast a spotlight on my loneliness.
My days consisted of long hours at work, followed by quiet evenings in my apartment. The hustle and bustle of family life that I was accustomed to were replaced with an echoing silence. I missed the laughter, the games, the spontaneous storytelling sessions that filled my time back home.
I tried to keep in touch with my family, but phone calls and video chats couldn’t replace the warmth of their physical presence. The time difference didn’t help either. When they were starting their day, I was winding down mine. This made me feel further disconnected.
I missed being the ‘fun uncle’, but more than that, I yearched for companionship, a shared experience, a sense of belonging. It wasn’t just about not having children; it was about not having anyone to share my life with.
It’s easy to assume that being free from parental responsibilities equates to an endless party. But that’s where most people get it wrong.
The reality is far from it. In the next section, I’ll delve into why this widespread belief is far from my experience and how it has shaped my perspective on family, loneliness, and what it truly means to be the ‘fun uncle’.
Challenging the perception: The ‘Fun Uncle’ is not always having fun
There’s a common assumption that surrounds people like me – the ‘fun uncles’ and ‘cool aunts’ of the world.
People think we’re living the dream, free from the dreaded parental duties, with all the time in the world to travel, party, and live life to the fullest. But that’s a facade, a distorted picture painted by society.
Don’t get me wrong; there are certainly moments of joy and freedom. But alongside them is a stark reality – a sense of loneliness and isolation that is often overlooked. The truth is, without a family of my own or a partner to share my life with, my freedom often feels less like liberation and more like solitary confinement.
I’ve realized that being childless doesn’t automatically equate to endless fun. It comes with its own set of challenges and emotions that are seldom spoken about. It’s not just about missing out on parenthood; it’s also about missing out on companionship, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging.
This is not to say that everyone must have children or a partner to be happy. Far from it. But it’s crucial to acknowledge that being childless – by choice or circumstance – doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always having fun or living the dream.
Finding connection: Overcoming loneliness as the ‘Fun Uncle’
Coming to terms with my loneliness was the first crucial step. Acknowledging my feelings and understanding that it’s okay to feel this way was liberating. But dealing with it was another challenge altogether.
One thing I found incredibly helpful was reaching out to others in similar situations. Joining online communities and forums for single, childless individuals gave me a platform to share my experiences and connect with those who understood exactly how I felt.
I also took proactive steps to create a sense of belonging in my new home. I joined local clubs and participated in community events. This helped me meet new people and build a social circle outside of work.
Fostering relationships with my neighbors, colleagues, and new friends became a priority. It made me realize that family isn’t just about blood ties; it’s about the connections you make along the way.
Being the ‘fun uncle’ isn’t my only identity, and it shouldn’t be yours either. If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, reach out. Connect with others who can relate to your experience. Find activities you enjoy and get involved in your community. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to feel less alone.
Redefining normal: Embracing your journey
As I navigated the unfamiliar terrain of loneliness, I learnt some invaluable lessons. The first one being that taking responsibility for my feelings gave me the power to change my situation. It wasn’t my fault that I was lonely, but it was within my power to change that.
I also realized that what we often consider ‘normal’ or ‘expected’ can be a product of societal conditioning. As the ‘fun uncle’, I was expected to be always jovial, carefree, and living the dream. But that didn’t align with my reality or feelings. I had to learn to think for myself and live life on my terms.
Here are some key points I’ve learned throughout this journey:
- Recognize and acknowledge your feelings of dissatisfaction or struggle.
- Don’t mask your reality with blind positivity; face it head-on.
- Be aware of societal expectations and how they might be shaping your perception.
- Pursue your personal ambitions and desires, not those that are externally imposed.
- Question societal norms that limit your potential.
These lessons have been instrumental in reshaping my reality and embracing a path of self-empowerment.
Instead of seeking validation from external factors, I’ve learned to find happiness within myself – beyond just being the ‘fun uncle’.
