Of course, you want your husband to like your friend. She’s your second family, after all.
The caveat, however, is when this platonic like becomes more of a romantic one.
So what do you do in this case? Based on my research, it’s a matter of following these 17 helpful tips:
1) Make sure it’s true
Sad as it may seem, but infidelity statistics show that 60% of affairs start with close friends (or co-workers.)
So if you think that your husband is cheating on you with your friend, it may be true.
But before you panic and do something drastic, you need to confirm that your hunch is indeed correct.
For example, you could observe your husband for ‘guilt’ signs. They include:
- Being distant and ‘checked out’
- Suddenly disappearing
- Hiding his phone
- Pointing out your faults
- Acting the total opposite, e.g., paying more attention to you
- Accusing you of cheating
You can also try these ways to make him admit he cheated – basically whatever works for you.
2) Don’t ignore it
Let’s say you weren’t able to confirm if your husband likes your friend. The worse thing you could do is ignore your hunch.
It’s uncomfortable, alright, but letting it slide means creating more significant discomfort in the long run.
“When issues are not resolved to the satisfaction of both parties, then emotions can begin to simmer under the surface.
“This can lead to what would normally be normal conversations or disagreements, escalating to arguments as the real problems are not resolved, and the feelings from these go unaddressed.
“Resentments can build, leading to a loss of respect for each other as you try and rebalance things.”
In other words, face the issue head-on. If you keep sweeping things under the rug, you may end up pushing your husband into your friend’s welcoming arms.
3) Don’t go crazy
Finding out your husband has feelings for another girl can surely drive you loco. But before you think of keying his car or burning his clothes, do a second take – especially if you have kids.
Yes, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless in this situation. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
That’s why I want you to do something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to be able to deal with your husband’s penchant for your friend, I’d recommend seeking Rudá’s excellent advice.
4) Don’t broadcast your problem to the world
I know it feels good to share your problems with family and friends (well, except the pal your hubby likes.) Even so, maybe you’re aching to share this news on social media.
And why not? According to counselor Travis McNulty, “The more people who know about it, the more people will have their opinions based on purely trying to protect you from getting hurt.”
This is especially the case if, in the end, you two decide to work things out.
“The person who was cheated on may be able to forgive and move on, but the family still holds an intense grudge that usually puts more pressure on an already vulnerable relationship that is trying to rebuild and move on.”
Just imagine the uncomfortable Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners you’re bound to have – just because you blabbed about your problem right away.
5) Avoid retaliation (aka revenge cheating)
Learning that your husband likes your friend sucks. Naturally, your first tendency may be to seek revenge by doing the same thing.
Like many others, this may be your way to ‘balance’ what’s happening in your life.
But if you ask me (and a panel of relationship professionals), it’s not something you should try. In fact, experts believe that “revenge cheating usually does much more harm to a relationship than good.”
Here are five reasons why:
- It feels good at first, but you’ll regret it in the long run.
- Hurting him won’t make you hurt less.
- Acting out of impulse isn’t the best way to go. Once things cool down, you may end up wanting to undo the things you did (newsflash: it’s already too late!)
- Your husband may use it to minimize the impact of the situation. He may say, “It’s nothing huge, you did it as well!”
- It can reduce the chances of reconciliation.
6) Instead, address the underlying issues
In her interview with the Chicago Tribune, relationship therapist Debra Alper explained that:
“The perfect storm is created when someone is unhappy in their marriage and open to straying. Here’s this person (your friend) who is a comfort, and the emotional bond can lead to a sexual bond.”
The infidelity statistics I mentioned above also echo the same thoughts:
|Top reasons European men cheat||Top reasons American men cheat|
|The other person was there for me||I was having doubts about my relationship|
|My partner and I weren’t having sex||My partner and I weren’t having sex|
|My partner stopped paying attention to me||My partner stopped paying attention to me|
That said, it’s time to look back at the issues you have with your husband.
Are you there for him?
Do you still pay attention to his needs?
Do you still get ‘down’ with him?
See, it’s still not too late. Maybe his infatuation is just a fleeting one. As long as you are determined to make things work, it can happen.
7) Attend a marriage-mending course
Have a hard time identifying issues that led to your current situation? Well, attending a particular course could help.
For this, I recommend Mend the Marriage by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be… and maybe it’s so bad that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you’re losing your husband to your friend.
And maybe you think that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage — even if you’re the only one trying.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning. It will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world:
You’ll learn the three critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never know how to fix these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn a proven “Marriage Saving” method that’s simple and incredibly effective.
8) Distance is key
According to the proximity principle, “People closer together in a physical environment are more likely to form a relationship than those farther away.”
So maybe, your husband ended up liking your friend because they always end up together at events and whatnot.
See, the goal here is to end this infatuation before it evolves into full-on love. One of the best ways to do so is to keep the two apart.
Sure, it’s hard not to invite your friend to celebrations – especially if she’s always been there. But, for the sake of your marriage, distance is key.
9) End things with your ‘friend’
I know it’s challenging to let go of a friend who has been with you since high school (or even earlier.) But if you want to keep your marriage on lock, then you may need to end your friendship.
As you do so, keep it honest. Tell her upfront that you want to ‘break up’ because of what’s happening.
More importantly, remain respectful and compassionate. Even if she has hurt you (maybe unintentionally), she’s still your friend.
In a Stylist UK interview, relationship coach Sam Owen explained: “Just because your parting ways doesn’t mean you want to break them down. You’ve spent all that time together. Remember that, whatever the ending, it doesn’t sum up the entirety of your connection with each other.”
10) Focus on your other friends
It’s challenging to move on from breaking up with a friend, especially if she’s been particularly close to you. But, if it brings you any comfort, you still have other friends!
It’s just like your past relationships. You can only mend your heart if you focus on another person.
And, in case you find it hard to keep in touch with your other pals, you could try and follow these tips on how to be happy without friends.
11) Avoid the ‘victim mentality’
Yes, you are the victim here. But channeling the victim mentality won’t make your husband stop liking your friend.
Instead, it makes you powerless.
According to Hackspirit founder Lachlan Brown:
“The more a person convinces himself that nothing could be done to prevent their unwanted situation, the less willpower they will have the next time they are challenged.”
He goes on to add:
“This leads to self-sabotage, in which the victims do shape their own fates in a way: by believing themselves to be victims, they sap themselves of the energy or willpower to improve themselves, and thus continue to prove to themselves that they are unlucky.”
Worse of all, the victim mentality will also make you fail to see the solutions that are right in front of you.
So if you want some help with your relationship, check out this quick video now.
Relationship expert Brad Browning reveals what you can do in this situation and the steps you can take (starting today) to save your marriage.
It’s hard to forgive – and forget. But if you want to get this chunk off your chest, it’s best if you learn to forgive your husband – and your friend. (If you’re struggling with this, here’s a guide on how to.)
According to experts, “a more long-term approach, based on forgiveness, is the best bet for preserving the relationship.”
As William J. Doherty, a marriage program director, explains in his ABC News interview:
“It takes coming clean completely with what has happened — no more secrets; taking full responsibility for one’s affair — no blaming the partner; and a firm agreement on fidelity in the future.”
13) Take time to heal
Don’t rush the healing process. Take as much time as you want to process the situation.
“We can stretch out the metaphor of grief as a wound here: Horror and disbelief course through you in the seconds after you receive a bad cut or break a bone, but the pain only sets in later, once the numbness of shock fades.”
In other words, it hurts now – but it won’t hurt that much soon.
The good news is there are many healing ways you could try out. There’s traveling or trying out a new hobby. There’s also yoga, meditation, and mindfulness, which I will discuss in detail below.
Better yet, here’s another thing you can try: shadow work.
14) Try yoga
See, yoga can do more than just strengthen your muscles and bones. It can also bring about mental benefits that could prevent a full-scale meltdown:
Yoga involves breathing exercises and poses that work on the parasympathetic nervous system, thereby lowering feelings of anxiety.
As a result, those who do yoga “report feeling less anxious, confused, depressed, tired, and unsure than those who didn’t participate in yoga.”
Yoga can help quiet your mind amidst the hurly-burly of life.
As yoga teacher Amanda Tripp puts it, yoga “focuses your attention on moving with precision or timing your movement with your breath to keep your mind focused on what is happening now.”
Your husband liking your friend may feel like the end of the world. But thanks to yoga, you can build the strength you need to live your life.
After all, “when you are uncomfortable (in yoga), you learn to sit with discomfort because you know it will pass.”
15) Do some meditation
Just like yoga, meditation can help you deal with this ‘rough patch’ in your relationship.
After all, it “can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit both your emotional well-being and overall health…Meditation can also help you learn to stay centered and keep inner peace.”
Best of all, it can help you gain a new perspective on stressful situations, such as your husband developing feelings for your friend.
If you’re new to meditation, here are 18 effective techniques you could try.
16) Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is defined as a “moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience without judgment.”
Like yoga and meditation, it’s beneficial to the mind – especially during high-stress situations (e.g., finding out your hubby likes your friend.)
In fact, research shows that it can help reduce stress and rumination. It can also improve focus, cognitive flexibility, and, more importantly, relationship satisfaction.
According to the American Psychological Association:
“Several studies find that a person’s ability to be mindful can help predict relationship satisfaction — the ability to respond well to relationship stress and the skill in communicating one’s emotions to a partner.
“Empirical evidence suggests that mindfulness protects against the emotionally stressful effects of relationship conflict and is positively associated with the ability to express oneself in various social situations.”
Interested in mindfulness? Here are five powerful ways to practice it in your everyday life.
17) Start fresh
This advice is applicable for both kinds of outcomes.
Should your husband choose to stay with you – and your friend lives nearby – you may want to move to a new place where you and your partner can start anew.
And, on the other hand, if your husband decides to go with your friend, maybe you’d want to live in another community.
Starting fresh may cost you some money, but it’s worth the peace of mind it’ll give you.
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough. However, this doesn’t always mean your relationship should be thrown to the wayside.
If you love your spouse, you need a plan of attack to save your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage, like lack of attention and sexual issues. These problems can lead to infidelity and disconnectedness if not dealt with correctly.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his top-rated YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are compelling and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.