We’ve all heard the old saying that you should ‘treat them mean to keep them keen. But it doesn’t quite work like that
Does ignoring a guy make him want you more?
If you’ve ignored him and he gave up, you might be wondering what to do next. This article will share ten top tips.
“I ignored him and he gave up” – 10 tips if this is you
1) Don’t confuse self-respect for playing hard to get
There is this myth that seems to go around that if you play hard to get, a guy will want you more. But it is an oversimplification.
There is an entire world of difference between holding your cards close to your chest and seeming totally disinterested.
The first is about showing dignity and not coming on too strong. But the second is more like shutting the door in someone’s face and expecting them to keep coming back.
The reason for the confusion is that it is true that we are all intrigued by a bit of mystery. We tend to view something as more desirable if it isn’t laid out on a plate for us.
But a normal level of dignity is enough. You don’t need to “play it cool” to the point of being frosty, you just need to approach dating and romance with self-respect.
Simply having healthy self-esteem will stop you from coming on too strong and seeming needy or desperate.
Pushing someone further away because you think that will make them try harder is always going to backfire.
2) Ask yourself what you really want from this guy
Before going any further, I think it’s a good idea to pause for thought.
It’s time to answer honestly:
What do you want from this guy?
Because the answer is going to dictate your next move.
Do you really like this guy or did you just like the attention?
It doesn’t make you a bad person for enjoying someone chasing you. We all have egos, and it can be difficult to keep them in check.
It feels good to feel wanted. We all want to feel loved and desired. But that means we can end up missing the attention of someone who withdraws their affection, even if deep down we’re not that interested in them.
It’s important to check whether you have sincere feelings or attraction for this guy before you potentially manipulate him and reach out again.
If you suspect it might be the attention you are missing, rather than him, you should leave him alone.
After all, it’s cruel to play with someone’s feelings. So you don’t want to end up doing that, even accidentally.
If on the other hand you just played this whole thing wrong and want to make amends, we’ll go on to discuss how you can try to do that shortly.
3) Stop to consider if it’s for the best that he gave up
There are two reasons that a woman might decide to ignore a man.
The first reason as we’ve already hinted at is the misguided thought it is a good way to get his attention.
But the second reason is that ignoring him is a response to some sort of poor behavior of his that exasperates you.
So this tip is about stopping to ask whether you were ignoring him for good reason.
Maybe he has persistently been hot and cold and you got fed up. Perhaps he hasn’t been treating you the way you know you deserve.
If you ignored him because you felt annoyed enough to step away, think long and hard about whether getting him to chase you is for the best.
Because it’s probably not a bad idea to ignore a guy who takes you for granted or treats you badly.
Similarly, if you have found in the past that ignoring him was the only way you sparked his interest, then how long do you want to continue in an exhausting game of cat and mouse that will never have a happy ending?
If you’ve ignored a guy for good reasons and he gave up, then it can be better to move on rather than cause yourself any more unnecessary heartache.
4) Forgive yourself for being human
I don’t think you would be here if your intentions for ignoring him were to make him give up completely.
Otherwise, you’d simply be off celebrating somewhere that you got what you wanted, and this man is gone from your life.
So I suspect that in your case, playing hard to get was a tactic to provoke some other response out of him, and it went wrong.
Here’s the thing:
We live and learn.
None of us are perfect. We’ve all tried some desperate tactics before when it comes to matters of the heart.
I think back to the mistakes I’ve made in my own love life. And there have been many.
There’s no point ruminating on things you wish you would have done differently. Just know that we’ve all messed up. And that’s ok.
As long as we don’t continue to keep making the same mistakes, it’s all part of the experience.
I know it’s probably hard to see it like this right now, but this is just a part of learning and growing from your mistakes.
5) Admit your mistakes
The most well-rounded, mature, and responsible adults still make errors of judgment. The only thing that sets them apart is their ability to hold their hands up and admit it.
Simply having the self-awareness to look back on things you’ve done or decisions you’ve made and recognize where you’ve got it wrong, goes a long way.
The bigger person, when they see their mistakes, says sorry for them. If you have made a mistake that you now regret, acknowledge it.
How you do this is up to you, and dependent on your own unique situation.
For example, let’s say you ignored a guy because he annoyed you and you were trying to punish him. You might say to him:
“I’m sorry I ignored you instead of just telling you why I was feeling hurt, and what the problem was.”
Or if you ignored him because you thought it would make him like you more, you might say to him:
“Hey, I’m sorry if I’ve blown things between us. I realize I’ve handled this really badly. But I genuinely do like you/have feelings for you”.
6) Make him feel wanted
Every single person on this planet wants to feel wanted. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated.
So if you’ve decided that you want this man in your life, it’s time to make him feel like it.
There is a chance you have burned your bridges. If he seems to have given up, then right now you really need to re-spark his interest in you.
It can be incredibly demoralizing when you ignore a man.
In fact, according to a psychological theory called the hero instinct, men are genetically programmed to want to feel respected, needed, and useful to the women they care about.
It’s understandably going to have dented his ego if he has felt none of these things from you. Now more than ever you need to make him feel like your hero.
The best thing to do is to check out this free video on the hero instinct and exactly how to trigger it.
Watching it, you’ll learn some effective tips to get you started, including a 12-word text that will re-spark his interest in you when he appears to have given up.
So click on this link to learn how to trigger his hero instinct and get him back in your life.
7) Stop using ignoring a guy as a tool for manipulation
I’m guessing that by now you’re already seriously questioning how effective ignoring someone is to get your own way.
Ignoring someone should really only be ever used when you genuinely want someone out of your life.
For example, you may ignore an ex in order to try to move on. Or you might ignore a player who keeps stringing you along and breaking your heart.
But you should never ignore someone to try to manipulate them. There are just far too many ways that it will backfire.
The truth is:
Hurt people, hurt people. We usually act out in this way when we are feeling vulnerable, hurt, or frustrated.
But ignoring someone as a weapon against them is never a good strategy.
Does it hurt a man when you ignore him? Maybe, but the big problem is that it most likely hurts you too.
You can get so focused on attempting to win a battle that you forget about the sacrifices you are making to your own peace of mind. Game-playing only ends up in tears.
8) Learn to express how you really feel
So if you can’t try to ignore a guy in order to get him to behave how you want, what can you do?
Well, there are healthy ways to express how we feel and unhealthy ways.
The problem is when we’re not being honest with someone, our feelings have a way of toxically spilling out.
I have a friend who thinks it is a good idea to “test” guys. She sets up all these weird sorts of traps to try and catch them out.
From the sidelines, I have watched time and time again as she breaks her own heart by playing games.
She pushes men away and then gets annoyed when it doesn’t work out the way she hopes.
Deep down I know that she is just scared to be vulnerable and say how she really feels.
I get it. It is scary and no one wants to get hurt. But I find it really helps to stop thinking about the short term and focus on the long term.
Because it is only ever a short-term “win” when we turn to emotional manipulation to try and get what we want out of someone.
You are only delaying the inevitable. And when it comes it will only hurt more.
Instead, being upfront about your needs wants and expectations from someone is the long-term strategy.
- Be clear about what you are looking for, and ask him what he is looking for.
- Tell him about how you feel and ask him how he feels.
- Open up about any of your concerns and talk about it.
- Let him know when he does something that hurts you or falls below your expectations.
Healthy communication is something we learn along the way, and it takes practice. But it really is worth it.
9) Know that it’s NOT TRUE that if a guy likes you he will do anything to be with you
Since we’re busting some dating myths in this article, here’s another one for you:
Pushing a man away, ignoring him, or trying to test how into you he is is always a bad idea.
Does ignoring a guy make him want you more?
The truthful answer is that it depends on the guy. But think long and hard about the type of guys that this “strategy” could work on.
Because only a pickup artist, an arrogant guy whose feelings aren’t genuine, or a disrespectful guy will relentlessly continue trying once they are rejected.
Please know that mature and decent guy will not chase after a girl who pushes them away.
Instead, they will walk away and find someone who does want them.
Any man with dignity and self-respect is looking for an equal partner in crime. They have a minimum standard of how they expect to be treated.
You’re looking for a man right? Not a puppy? So why would you expect him to dote on you endlessly?
10) Do some soul searching
In my experience whenever we play games it highlights insecurity within us that we need to reflect upon.
Why did you ignore this guy?
Deep down do you feel insecure?
Are you frightened at the thought of being vulnerable?
Are you expecting a guy to be perfect in order to prove himself to you?
The reality is that a lot of us expect things from a relationship that isn’t healthy.
And so we end up projecting a lot of things onto someone else when the real issue is with the relationship we have with ourselves.
This is something I learned from watching a free video on Love and Intimacy from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
He taught me that the only real way to have satisfying relationships with others, that are healthy and fulfilling, is to stop the toxic habits that are coming from our own misguided beliefs and false expectations about love.
Watch his free video to learn the steps you can take to end the cycle of unsatisfying dating and frustrating relationships for good.
I genuinely think the world would be a better place if we all took his advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.