I’ve got a problem: I don’t like my girlfriend anymore.
But I’ve also got a solution: I’m going to break up with her very soon and say goodbye forever.
I want to explain what led me to this decision and help you decide if it’s also the right call for you as well.
I don’t like my girlfriend anymore: 13 reasons to break up for good
1) My girlfriend is really annoying and critical
The biggest reason I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is that she is really annoying and critical.
Every single thing I do she is there chirping at me about why I’m wrong, bad or stupid.
Even when I’m far away from her she seems to somehow know everything I’m doing.
She hits me with these passive-aggressive texts that drive me f*cking crazy.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store when I got this keeper:
“Make sure not to buy that cheap bread again, I know you were going to (wink face). Remember, we’re *trying* to diet.”
I guess it would be funny if I found her cute. But her attempts to pretend she’s joking when she’s really just crapping all over me are annoying as hell!
I’ve had it with her behavior and her issues. She needs to deal with them on her own: they’re not my problem.
“The things that you once found adorable – those small little eccentricities – the funny sound she makes when she laughs, the way she never gets your sarcasm, her habit of constantly questioning everything, her emotional outbursts – they have begun to bother you.
“You snap too often, get annoyed at the smallest of things she does and wonder how you ever found any of that attractive.”
2) My girlfriend makes me feel like shit about myself
The second major reason I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is that she makes me feel like shit about myself.
I firmly believe that nobody else is to blame for how I feel about myself, and I take responsibility for my own emotional state.
But at the same time, I can’t help but objectively observe that she cuts me down constantly, undermines my goals, emphasizes my failures, and makes me feel like a total loser.
I want to be a winner and I want people around me who are positive and optimistic.
She’s the opposite and has become an emotional parasite who seizes on any small scrap of success and happiness I find to tell me why I don’t deserve it or why I’ll mess it up soon.
All of the drama has made me refocus my energy…
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
3) My girlfriend no longer makes me feel any physical attraction
Another big reason that I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is that she no longer makes me feel any physical attraction.
When I say any, what I mean is…any.
I look at her and see an average-looking woman in her early 30s and…that’s all I see.
I’d be more excited by a random model in the Sears catalog (do they still make those?)
The last time we slept together was definitely over a month ago, but the sad thing is I don’t really care (or fully remember) when it was because I’m not excited by having sex with her.
I’ve thought of cheating (a lot) and I don’t want to be that guy who goes ahead and does it while living a fake relationship.
I admit that another part of the reason is that I don’t want to feel like her bad behavior toward me is justified, and if I cheated then it kind of would be justified.
So I hold it all in. And I feel worse and worse.
Why don’t I want to have sex with my girlfriend? I know it seems odd.
All I can say is that while she is still outwardly attractive, the waning of my actual feelings for her has left me cold about making love to her.
I feel like she’s an aggravating roommate who I got stuck with and can’t wait to move out.
I don’t want to stick my male member inside an annoying roommate: would you?
“Sex drives can wax and wane, but if you can’t remember the last time you went wild on each other, it indicates a lack of passion in general.
“You can have an amazing time together, and truly care for one another, but if you don’t lust for each other, and regularly count down the seconds until you see your significant other naked, we have bad news for you—you’re not in love, you’re just best friends.”
If you’re in this situation, it’s time to break up for good…
4) My girlfriend no longer makes me feel any emotional attraction
Next up are emotional attraction and connection.
It should be part of any relationship if you ask me: romantic and non-romantic.
This is especially true when you are in love and willing to live a life together with someone.
But my girlfriend no longer makes me feel any emotional attraction.
When we first got together last year I found her exhilarating: her laugh, intellect, and way of seeing the world enchanted me.
Now it just makes me cringe.
She makes me so unhappy and I consider her to be one of the most immature and misguided people I’ve ever met.
“You shouldn’t be with anyone who makes you unhappy.
Men who are people pleasers tend to stay in a relationship even if there is a reason they should leave,” writes Michelle Devani.
“This doesn’t make these men bad at love; they just want everyone around them to be happy.
If you are a guy like this, you should think about what makes you truly happy and full of joy.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself…
I don’t expect my life to be perfect or drama-free by any means. But I do expect to be with someone who I actually want to be with.
5) My girlfriend trash talks me behind my back
Now we get to the nasty stuff, the soap opera highlight reel stuff.
A big reason I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is that somewhere along the line she got the idea that it’s OK to trash talk me behind my back. That’s toxic!
I’m not sure what gave her that idea, but once it became obvious that she drags me down for kicks around her friends I was royally pissed off.
I’m not hyper-sensitive or anything, but I’m not here invested in a relationship to be the butt of jokes around some Instagram busybodies.
Yes, I do fart. Sometimes it sounds funny.
Yes, I sweat a lot. Maybe I have a disorder.
But my girlfriend also does some things that aren’t exactly Instagram story material.
Massive, nasty hair clumps in the drain anyone? PMS that would put a medieval witch to shame?
I don’t joke about these things to my friends, because I’m not an asshole.
But she never misses an opportunity to belittle me behind my back. I’m just lucky I have sources within her friend circle (one in particular) who lets me know about this trash-talking that’s been going on…
The more I hear how my girlfriend talks about me when I’m not around the more I see who she really is underneath the fake surface.
6) My girlfriend falsely accuses me of cheating all the time
Related to what I mentioned before about cheating, is that my girlfriend accuses me of doing it constantly.
I have never cheated on her (yet). This I can absolutely promise you.
And as I said, I don’t want to cheat on her: I’d rather just break up than live a lie.
But her constant accusations are hurtful and really annoying. They also make me think of cheating when I wasn’t thinking of it.
If we get within 100 feet of an attractive woman my girlfriend starts giving me all sorts of mad side-eye as if I’m the devil.
I then have to play the game of pretending I didn’t even notice the perfect 10 who just strolled across the mall food court or walked into the store we were at.
I know there are insecurities that make my girlfriend so suspicious and possessive.
At first, I was really understanding, but now I’m just sick of it.
I’m not her therapist, I’m her boyfriend. I’m done trying to be both.
7) A big part of why I was with her is because of the pandemic isolation
I met my girlfriend around the start of the pandemic.
When things got a bit more serious I was preoccupied by everything going on and other problems with my employment that were related to COVID restrictions.
The relationship with her started to take off and I thought “why not?”
Well, now I know why not.
I feel like I’m living in a horror movie that’s been incorrectly labeled as a romance film.
Whenever I’m out with her I want to shout to strangers to help me and call the “love police” to save me:
“Help me! I’m trapped with a psychopath and she’s trying to crush my soul!”
Of course, there is no love police.
And there is no penalty for trying to crush someone’s soul (there should be).
“Even if you’re not in the happiest of relationships or have realized that the person you’re with isn’t your forever mate, it’s understandable that a part of you might want to cling to the good stuff right now,” notes Mary Grace Garis.
I can see how this happened and why the isolation made me stick with someone who wasn’t good for me.
But now I want out.
8) My girlfriend is emotionally abusive
My girlfriend is a bully. Not only does she make fun of me to her friends, she also loves to see me have bad luck and disappointments.
There was a job I was trying to get for four months that I found out last week wasn’t going to happen.
She was in the best mood I have seen her for all year.
I asked why and she said “no reason.”
I know it sounds paranoid but I’m absolutely sure she was gloating about my bad news.
On the contrary, whenever she gets a win in life I’m there cheering her on. Or at least to be.
Now I’m standing in the back scowling.
Then we add in all the criticism, undermining, and gaslighting and there’s only one conclusion: my girlfriend is emotionally abusive.
“Whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental abuse, you should never tolerate this in a relationship.
“The moment you experience this, don’t just walk away – run far from the relationship.
“No one should be subjected to abuse of any kind, especially if it’s brought about by a person whom you thought you could trust.”
9) My girlfriend is an emotionally manipulative narcissist
In addition to being emotionally abusive, one specific way in which my girlfriend makes my life much worse is her emotional manipulation.
When she has a bad mood I must answer for it.
Even if it has nothing to do with me, she puts everything on me.
This started only a few months into our relationship and it’s so tiring and immature.
She only cares about herself and she lets me know that any concern for my goals and priorities is selfish and unacceptable.
I do still care about her, which is why it’s so devastating when she uses her emotional states to manipulate me.
I feel like a puppet on a string.
Because if she says to go one way or do one thing I feel compelled to do so.
It’s maddening, and that’s why even though I sometimes am still blown away by her beauty and the connection we used to have, I just don’t like my girlfriend anymore.
10) My girlfriend financially manipulates and controls me
My girlfriend has a great job and she likes to flaunt it.
I’ve struggled with work in the past several years, and I literally never hear the end of it.
She mocks me, criticizes my efforts to find work, and – like I said – gloats when I fall short.
It’s as if she’s saying “told you so.”
I just don’t understand how someone could act this way to someone they claim to love.
But that’s how she acts.
She also lords her money over me, occasionally sarcastically asking if I want a loan from her to get through the month and be able to buy more junk food.
Yes, there’s the whole thing about the diet again.
Life sure is a hoot with her by my side, as you can see…
11) My girlfriend has a great reputation that makes me feel bound to stay with her
Part of the reason I’ve stayed with my girlfriend this long (over a year now), is that she has a great reputation with my family and friends.
They constantly comment on what a “great catch” she is.
My guy friends make less appropriate comments about her highly attractive appearance.
Yes, yes, I get it: I scored a hot girl and we fell in love.
But trust me, once you unwrap the present you find a box of venomous snakes.
I’m ready to say screw it to all the social expectations and ideas that other people have about my girlfriend.
I know her for real, they just see her pleasant social exterior and beauty.
There’s a lot worse underneath, believe me.
“She may be the envy of all your friends, but c’mon, dude, you know that’s not a good enough reason to stay with her if the sparks just aren’t there.
“In fact, staying with her means you’re not making yourself available to meet other beautiful women who you might actually be compatible with,” observes Dana Leigh Smith.
12) My girlfriend and I disagree about so many key things in life
I am fine with having a different point of view than someone who is my girlfriend.
After all, romance isn’t about being some kind of high school debate team.
But that isn’t what’s going on here.
My girlfriend could start a world war over what color of shirt I’m wearing. She doesn’t agree with me about a single fundamental thing in terms of life and priorities.
I like eating a lot, she’s obsessed with diets and organic food.
I think spiritual exploration isn’t for me, she is obsessed with Eckhart Tolle and being in the “present.”
I wish I could explain to her that I’d be more into being in the “present” if she wasn’t in it.
Sorry, not sorry.
There’s just so much that’s still been left unsaid, and I can feel it all bubbling to the surface.
Soon enough the break up will come. These aren’t empty words. I’ve already got a new apartment leased.
I’m just waiting to tie up a few loose ends before I tell her goodbye.
13) The more I think about it the more I want to call it quits
If I was just having a bad couple of weeks with my girlfriend I wouldn’t be writing this article.
It’s been months now.
Truth be told, I’ve felt locked in a death grip after two months in with her.
I’m not sure what made me stay at that point, but if I had to describe the experience it would be like when you’re having sleep paralysis and are in a nightmare where you can’t move and somebody is coming to kill you.
If that sounds overly dramatic then trust me: you haven’t met my girlfriend.
It takes all kinds of kinds to make the world go around, but she’s one kind who I could do without.
I had a strong attraction for her at first, absolutely, but it has waned, and it now disgusts me that I ever took her at face value.
I’ve lain awake countless nights stressing over her and our relationship and I’m no longer confused about it.
She’s not the girl for me.
The best thing I can do is get out as soon and as fully as possible.
A clean break is what I need.
One of the best reasons to break up for good is if you’ve already thought it over long and hard.
I know I have.
I’m done with thinking. Now I’m ready for action.
This is the end of the line for me.
My girlfriend no longer has a place in my life and she won’t ever again.
I wish her all the best, but this rollercoaster ride has come to an end and I need to be the bigger person and walk away.
Whatever you decide in your situation, I hope you can find the clarity and strength of will to break up with your girlfriend if it’s the right thing to do.
Sometimes the most empowering thing you can do in a toxic relationship is said goodbye and get on with your life.
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